horrible mistake or buyer's remorse?

[kiwish]

I have no idea where to begin. Basically I am unsure whether or not I made the correct decision.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now and I am to leave for graduate school in September. We had already planned for him to come with me and all but suddenly I got horrible thoughts about the situation. I worried that he would be leaving his family/friends and a good job that he has here, and moving to a situation where he would be fairly isolated and have to work some service job rather than the graphic design position he has now. I pictured him terribly unhappy, miserable. To make things worse, I thought about my late night study groups and having to work at the same time and how much time I would be spending away from him. I became seriously concerned that I would be neglectful to him in the relationship and that's not fair. So out of the blue, on Wednesday I told him I was worried about him coming to graduate school with me and thought that he should not.
He was very calm in discussing with me. He told me he felt I was making the decision about his happiness rather than letting him make that decision. He also said he had already weighed the pros and cons about coming with me and decided it was something he was willing to sacrifice for us. Further, he mentioned that he could use some alone time and that he is an independent person and wouldn't be bothered by my absence as much as I expected.
For those who are wondering what is wrong with him, that's just it. There isn't anything wrong with him and I am absolutely in love with him. He is simply the most wonderful person I have ever met. He is respectful, mature, trustworthy oh golly. I just couldn't rationalize forcing him to be miserable for 6 years (phd). I could see myself worried about him while I was in a study group and rushing home rather than working on what I have spent a long portion of my life working towards.
He said we should wait, take some time and talk about it later. He is worried that I may have like "buyer's remorse" and that we would get back together and drag out the inevitable. I have tried to set up a time to talk to him about it and he is unable to commit to anything.
I am scared that I have made a large mistake, lost someone I really love for being paranoid about situations out of my control (his emotions, etc).
I don't know what to do. My gut reaction is to sort this all out and see if he would be willing to even see me again. I've hurt him pretty badly and am not sure if there is anything I can do to repair it.
thanks in advance for any comments and such. I'm really confused about all this.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm gonna be brutally honest here so that you can get the import:

1. Stop trying to control his outcome. You either want him there or you don't. How it affects HIM is up to him. You say you love him - if you do, then trying to control him isn't good.

2. He is willing to go with you - that's a HUGE affirmation of the way he feels about you. I'd pick up and follow my wife anywhere to be with her, and in fact have. I loathe where we live, but I don't mind because I'm with her. I'd be terribly unhappy if I weren't, and I'm guessing your BF feels the same way. Take that as it is presented to you - he loves you bigtime, and wants to be with you.

3. Take the gamble... anything worth having has risk involved. Live your life, don't play it safe.

[kiwish]

Thank you for your response. I guess I am just waiting to see if he is willing to talk to me about this or not. I know he loves me as well but I may have damaged him too much.

[HeartIsAching]

Try actual communications with him - tell him you're sorry that you did that. Tell him that you DO want him to go with you, but were worried about him. If he loves you, he'll understand.

[elleda]

I could see myself worried about him while I was in a study group and rushing home rather than working on what I have spent a long portion of my life working towards.

hmm... i think it's not only his happiness that you might be concerned about. but that's okay! i think one of the greatest achievements in life is balance. is there a way to have it all? only time will tell

[a19drift]

For those who are wondering what is wrong with him, that's just it. There isn't anything wrong with him and I am absolutely in love with him.

All I can say here is DUH.
Of course there's nothing wrong, he's willing to CHANGE HIS LIFE for you to complete your dreams and still include him. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I truly think you should respect that he made the decision that he wants to go with you, and let him decide what's up when you all get there. You have schooling to worry about, and he's a big boy. He can worry about himself. If it's going to work out, it's going to work out while you're there, not before you get there and you worry yourself half to death beforehand.

Chill out, take a deep breath, apologize big time for this little meltdown. And go to graduate school WITH your man in tow.

[smackie9]

Just talk to him about how you feel and let him make the decision of his fate. Tell him if he gets horribly unhappy with his present situation, that he is free to leave and that you totally understand. Another choice is a Long Distance Relationship. Have him come visit you a few weekends a month.

[VincenzoG91]

He sounds like a good guy and he knows what he is getting into. I doubt that he will sit around for six years waiting for you to come home each day. He will probably get a new job there and make some new friends. Does he have any hobbies?