PLEASE HELP! Wierd situation, in need of major advice!

[angelundrcvr]

This is my first time ever do anything like this but I really need help on this one! Me and my man have been together almost 8 months now and his "ex" is nine months pregnant with what is a 50/50 chance the kid is his! Now to my even bigger problem everytime I say something to him about this it usually gets turned around on me,but to give you as much insight on this I'm gonna tell his and my side! Ok he calls his ex I guess to talk about the baby or whatever the case my be but he makes it a point to never call her or text her around me and when she calls while I'm around he will ignore it! So in our entire relationship he has never spoken to her in front of me, not to mention he erases everything, but he says that's only cause ill get mad if I even see he has talked to her but nemerous times I have told him I don't care if he talks to her just let me know and don't hide it and I want get mad! So I'm a little lost on what I should do about this? My second problem same situation but my only thing is this ex knows nothing about me, or us, or that I even exsist, he claims to want to spend the rest of his life with me and if this is his kid and that is true I would think sooner or later she (the ex) will have to know about me anyways but he says he just isn't telling her cause he don't want to cause any problems between the two of them and him not be able to see the kid if it is his, so I really need help on what you all think and little advice would be great! Please take in consideration if dealt with this the whole time we have been together and its just really hurts to keep everything bottled up cause I have tried talking to him many times, and now the ex is two days away from having this baby, and I'm completly lost! Please help!

[smackie9]

Sorry that your BF can't grow up and be a man. Step back and try to remove your feelings from him and take a good hard look at the situation. Everything that is going on will affect you relationship in the future. Communication is key to any relationship. If he is refusing to do that then you have not future with this dude. I suggest you tell him you don't deserve to be treated like this and in order to truly be a part of his life he has to involve you. If not then tell him you have no choice but to walk....don't worry, he will be on his knees begging...you need to do this to have the upper hand in this....or he will just walk all over you.

[HeartIsAching]

He's still got a relationship with her and is hiding it. Face that fact, and decide what you want to do with it.

[smackie9]

He's still got a relationship with her and is hiding it. Face that fact, and decide what you want to do with it.

That is a possibility as well. Time to step up and deal with it.

[HeartIsAching]

That is a possibility as well. Time to step up and deal with it.

As a former cheater, and a male, I'm almost certain that's it. No real reason he'd hide communications with an ex unless she wasn't really an ex. I have two kids with two different women, and I've NEVER hidden communications with my ex from my current spouse/girlfriend. My wife is free to look at/listen to anything I have to say or hear from my ex.

[angelundrcvr]

Yea I kinda suspected that much, but everytime I say anything of that sort I'm just crazy and imagining things! You get told that long enough and you feel as though its true and I'm just over reacting!

[smackie9]

Yea I kinda suspected that much, but everytime I say anything of that sort I'm just crazy and imagining things! You get told that long enough and you feel as though its true and I'm just over reacting!

Now it's time for you to take a stand. Don't let him control you and beat you down. You let him know you can walk away from this.

[sammygee]

ok .
Hiding communications with and ex does NOT mean He's cheating. You may have reacted strongly at first (understandable) and He doesnt want repeats of that.
If the child is his, you can all create a respectable relationship with each other. He is a bit of a jerk for not telling her about you but he has issues. Kinda wimpy if you ask me.
You can change all this by being very light and easy going when talking about his ex. Treat it as a possible exciting venture for him. I mean if he is gonna be a daddy that is a beautiful thing and you will be a step Mom.
It's not an ideal situation honey but you can make any situation better.
If it's not his child you can just sail through. Always make the man feel like you are ok with an ex or any situation that could make you feel threatened. otherwise they will natually hide it from yo making it seem worse xx

[angelundrcvr]

Sammygee thanks a lot for that advice I hate jumping to conclusions and all in all there a lot of truth in what you said I'm really glad you did cause the whole he is still in a relationship thing was really getting to me and it hurts cause I really love him and I don't want to leave him not even a little bit, still somehow I am going to have to find a way to make him understand that all this bothers me and figure out how to deal with it!

[HeartIsAching]

Don't believe it. He's hiding it from you for a reason. Probably hiding you from her, too.

[smackie9]

I hate being a mother hen but I'm sure I'm old enough to be your mother so I'm going to give you some motherly advice. You don't have to take it, Most don't listen to their mothers until it's too late, but I want to try anyways. I'm very concerned for you. My perspective of him is that ( I know you are in love with him and won't see it anyways) he is trouble. One, there is a chance he's the father,( well that's what he says, more than likely it is his but wants to down play it), that says he doesn't have protected sex, and if it isn't his, that shows you this ex sleeps around and doesn't insist on using condoms. ***I hope that you are using condoms with this guy. Second, if your relationship has to be kept a secret, then it's not an honest one. The arrows are pointing hun, that he is still seeing her. Not only is he lying to you, he is lying to her. He is a con artist, a user, a loser. I say you are being naive to the fact that he is taking advantage of you, stringing you along. As an wise old gal, if I were you I would dump him. I Know you are soooo in love with him, but honey, he is no good, you really need to get out of this relationship badly if you want a promising future. You ain't gonna get it with this guy. "Oh he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me" I bet he said that to his ex too. He knows that those words are magic to an impressionable young lady like yourself. It's just talk to con you....guys will do and say anything to make you believe in them. If this relationship doesn't feel right, that's because it's not.

[smackie9]

Girl have some respect for yourself and some self worth....dump this bastard. Just the mom in me saying this.....I'm trying to protect you.

[angelundrcvr]

Yeah! I know that's probably the cold truth but I keep telling myself its not cause I don't want to believe it! I do know this much though he's not cheating on me with her we live in texas together and she lives in georgia, he works to where we have to move around a lot so its kinda immpossible for him to cheat, but I have this really bad feeling once she haves this kid and its his he will be gone and so will I, like you said kinda feel like I'm being strung along til she has this baby and he finds out the truth of it being his or not then he will decide which of us two he wants! That's why he is hiding it from both of us difference being I know who she is but she don't know I exsist! I don't wanna be his backburner piece I do love him a lot but I'm just so confused and I can't even think right anymore I've always had men that treated me like sh*t I just for once want someone who will care for me as much as I do them! I don't know anymore this hurts to much!

[smackie9]

Awwww so sorry you are hurting. You need to see what is right and what is not. If you knew about this for sometime you should have gotten out of it. As for him not cheating, he could be having an LDR with her, making all kinds of BS promises to her. If it was nothing there would be no need to hide your relationship from her. This guy is an ass for making you feel this way....it's just not fair.

[angelundrcvr]

Yes true I knew about her possibly carrying his child but he still claims to this day as soon as she has this babyhe will let her know but as for the time being he says she doesn't ask him about his relationships so he don't see no reason just to bring it up to her it is none of her business or atleast that's what he tells me! And I know what right and wrong I'm just trying to decifer through the two and find out what's true and what's not! Cold hearted fact would prob. Be your dead on about everything its just convincing myself to do the right thing @ the right time! I'm lost with no direction and with no help from anyone! I guess its up to me to figure it out and hope for the best but I really do thank you for everything trully thankful and when I said no help from anyone I meant friends and family not you guys