I will apologize now for the incredibly long post....*

I've been in college for the past 3 years, and have tried not to start any relationships with guys from school. Mostly because, most of them are younger than me ha, but more so because I went back to school at 27, and wanted to focus on my studies more than anything. After graduating from one program, I then bridged into another in September of last year, it was then that I "noticed" R.P. I can't say what it was that attracted me to him, but there was something there...I had such a crush on him. He was always a little distant, maybe a little shy, so we never really talked at first, but in the middle of January everything started to change. We started talking...just school related stuff, but this led to my growing crush. I finally started to get the feeling he was interested in getting to know me more in February, but I was hesitant now because he received a work placement for the summer in Halifax. Needless to say, I decided to date other people. Yet he started really pursuing me, and asked me out for drinks numerous times. I never declined, but figured out ways to avoid going on a date with him - the last thing I wanted to do was go on a date with him, and realize that we had chemistry, and then he takes off for the summer...that would've bummed me out a little. I wasn't looking for *a relationship with him right away, but figured maybe we should just wait until back at school in September to start dating if we were both still interested in doing so that is.

Unfortunately things didn't go as I planned. My friends just kept telling me to go on a date with him...to enjoy myself, and not think about it. I knew they were right, so I went on a date with him. The date happened at the beginning of April, and of course sparks flew. Everything was easy with him, we had things in common, we liked the same things...talking with him was just easy. He came to see me his last night in the city and we had a great time, he left and although I was a little bummed, it was an amazing opportunity for him, I was so happy for him, and we did talk about the possibility of reuniting when he got back home as long as that was what we both wanted...anything could happen in 4 months. We promised to keep in touch regardless, but there was no pressure, as we were not in a relationship.

The first week he was in Halifax, I had sent him an email...I was surprised when I got a response to that email from a girl. This girl was his ex girlfriend...they have been broken up since February, and had dated for 3 years...so it really hasn't been long of healing time. I was shocked because I didn't even know he had been in a relationship not alone just gotten out of one...but in his defence we were not in a position where we had talked about our past relationships yet. I never replied to her email, but I did speak with him about it. I was a little taken aback at first because I felt like his intention with me was just to assist him getting over his ex. He swears he never expected things to progress in such a short time with me...but that he just felt comfortable, a connection...things were easy with me - something he says he never had in any of his past relationships. He said he always had to work to keep a connection with a girl...even in the beginning of relationships where things should be simple. He stated that he broke up with her because he wasn't happy, and no matter how hard he tried, things just didn't change. After he left her, he wanted to be alone...discover himself, etc...but he said once we really started talking, he couldn't help but want to get to know me more. He did say that of course he still cares about her, wants the best for her, and wanted to try to be friends with her - in the 3 years they were together a lot of deeply emotional events happened. His father passed, he received a horrible injury that took about a year to recover from, and she had health problems (so yes he cares about her, if he didn't I'd be worried)...but once she emailed me... he said that ruined their chances of staying friends. He couldn't believe her jealousy, and her intolerance of not allowing him to be happy...not wanting him to be happy if she wasn't.

I try not to think of girls who do this as "crazy", but have been in past situations where the drama is just too much, and I do believe that some ex's can be crazy. I would never do such things to another girl... but I can understand her hurt. I look at this contact as an immature action. Even if my bf cheated on me, I'd never contact the other girl. To me this just shows jealousy...it's the whole "if I'm not happy, he's not going to be happy either" scenario. As someone who has been in long term relationships before I know the pain and loss that is felt when someone disappears from your life. I know that healing comes in time, but that before you heal you tend to look to the ex for comfort - this usually spells disaster. He did admit to feeling vulnerable when the first broke up, and thought he may have made a mistake, and maybe contacting her led her to believe that they may get back together. He felt responsible for her actions... but never expected her to be spiteful. Now he's hurting because he realizes they can't be friends...at least right away.

I felt like I didn't have a right to confront him entirely because we had only been hanging out for a few weeks, but regardless I did feel somewhat deceived. I admit, I got a little carried away with my feelings in the month we spent together...and I was excited about the possibility of reuniting when he returned, this was my fault...but it was how I felt. My concern was that I was the rebound girl. He said he never thought of me as a rebound, and would try very hard to convince me otherwise, said he never expected to feel anything for me, but that sometimes things come into your life when you're not looking, and you can't just forego the opportunity. Before all this happened I had made plans to visit him on a long weekend...he said he was so excited for that, and was now upset because he figures I wouldn't visit, or that I'd ever want to talk to him again.

Ultimately, I decided to at least talk with him still throughout the summer. I haven't made my decision on whether or not I believe he's ready to move on, whether he's using me, or whether he is being truthful with his feeling about me. I think it's too early to know any of this. I had suggested that he takes these 4 months to figure himself out, and we shouldn't talk at all...but he was against this. Said he'll do it if I really want to, but he would still like to keep in touch...he doesn't want to lose me entirely. He says he's sorry if I feel like he's been dishonest, and that he'd tell me something about himself every day. (I've been getting R.P. facts through text messages every day since)

Basically, I'm just wondering what others think about this situation. Am I a rebound, or is he genuinely interested? How long does it take for most guys to mourn a past relationship if they were the initiators? He did say he doesn't want to jump into a relationship right away, but he does want to continue getting to know me. I have respected his honesty...but my hesitation comes from knowing whether or not he's completely over his ex. My gut is telling me that he's being sincere, but logic tells me to be careful...

Any opinions?


*