why does ex one night stand hurt so much...

[rescueme]

well we've ben broken up for 10 months now, but still have to see one another everyday at university. Were together over a year, he broke up with me as he said his feelings have changed. Since then he's avoided me, but is sort of always watching... doesnt seem comfortbale around my new bf etc....

He's generally very reservd and quiet, then I heard last night that he'd had a one night stand at a uni party... with a girl who has the same strong accent as me... which made me feel uncomfortable. He was my first.. I was his and somehow I just feel as if hes still mine... I HATE that someone else has kissed him and been intimate with him, it makes me feel physically sick... this is totally out of character for him- generally he frowns upon this sort of thing - whats going on here?! and is it nromal to feel like this?

[Cinnabella]

I guess so, you are feeling jealous, just try not to think about it, seem you still have some feelings for him!

[Nicholas_V]

you have a new bf - not your business who he is sleeping with. It's unfair to your new bf, him and yourself (in that order).

Guy is probably trying to move on - we all have our ways.

Whether your feelings are normal or not - not sure I understand the question. Unless you force yourself to feel this way, then, yes, your feelings are normal for you. Like I said, we all have our own defence mechanisms.

[hello1]

I feel sorry for your new boyfriend. If you haven't moved on after 10 months, break up with your bf and get back with your ex...but wait he doesn't want you does he? grow up eh

[Dune]

Right.. It's sorta his business. Since you have a new bf, why bother about him? He can sleep with whoever he likes. You're feeling jealous coz you still think that you OWN him in some way since you have been together with him before. However, that part of your life is already over, and you should remember that he is no longer bound by the 'contract' of his previous relationship with you and is free to do as he pleases.

Don't feel sick. There's nothing you can do. Let go.

Go get intimate with your new bf or something. My bet is that'll make you feel all better

[At_Wits_End]

I am going to join the others in emphatically saying that it is disrespectful to your new boyfriend IF you unconsciously want him back. For me (and let's assume I am your new bf and am unaware of your feelings), I would rather you break up with me than remain together and have feelings for another.The inevitable friction in the short term from a break up pales in comparison to the overwhelming sense of betrayal and disdain if he were to find out.

Of course, it is normal for some latent disgust at him, or even anger at her. But, I think that is a type of quasi-territorial human nature characteristic - not that he would want to hear about it in any event. Yet, when you (and only you would know this) catch yourself becoming jealous don't cling on to human safety net. No guy likes being the next one in a perpetual cycle of men used to prop up a female's self-esteem. And, I am not saying that this is you - but tat matters less than the perception.


Lastly, if he is staring glancing etc. at you frequently it [I]could [I] mean that he has feelings for you. Or, it could mean nothing; that part is too hard to read.

[Archie]

Joining in aswell. No wonder there`s a saying "A girl always remembers her first".

But on matter, you have to learn to let go. Don`t be irritated about his personal life, you both share no connection anymore, it`s not your business. So pay no mind and learn to forget.

[alexandraboo]

I feel for you, because I know you can love one man, and still feel for a man you once loved. Its very hard especially with someone you have had your first love with.
But you should ask yourself these questions
1. Do I really love my boyfriend now? or are you just with him because of availability?
2. Are you over your ex? You are clearly jealous, forcing me to believe you still have feelings for him.
3. What you are going to do about the situation. ( Ie tell your boyfriend how you feel, and explain that you are having a difficult time and hope he is understanding, or hide it and try to get back with your ex?)

I feel for you, because I know if I left my boyfriend now, I would love him for a very long time. He is not only my lover but my best friend. Its hard to lose that and move on, and if hes your first, no one will ever be him to you, making it difficult to be in a new relationship without hardships over your last.

hope this helps

[rescueme]

thanks for the above reply
1. yes- I think I do. he's lovely- I couldnt ask for anything more- he's sweet and attentive and caring, perfect for me infact
2. I dont know... its hard you see as we are int he same uni and course... I see him everyday... its a constant reminder, I've never loved another human being as much as I loved him... I really fell for him hard... and I suppose I struggle because he couldnt give me a real reason for breaking up with me... he just said he felt he didnt love me enough anymore
3. My current bf knows the score- he's had a similar experience too and we're working through it. it doesnt bother him- he knows how hard your first love is to get over totally, but I would never leave him to try :and get back with my ex... despite what people on here are just ASSUMING about me - I am NOT a user, and I would never decieve someone intentionally- I care a lot about my current boyfriend, I'm not as shallow as some of you are trying to make me sound, I didn't come on here to be judged I came on here to ask for help, not abuse - some comments are really hurtful.

[alexandraboo]

I agree with you completely, I was shocked that people are saying such hurtful things, and I am sorry that people are even judging you before they even know the whole situation. It is not fair when you come somewhere to recieve advice on something as touchy as this and people insult and put you down. You diddnt do anything wrong, knor is your situation wrong in any way. I think that time will heal this, I think that you should maybe approach him and just talk to him about why you guys broke up? Maybe it will be some closure to you? I would just say, hey its been bothering me for a long time.. and I just need to know to move on.
Your new boyfriend sounds great and I hope you are truely happy. You sound like you love him very much, and I know its tough to ever forget about your first love, its the most powerful life changing experience in life, how can you just forget and move on, in 10 months even. Some people take a life time to get over a love. Dont get yourself to down on it, if you need support you can i.m me. I am not judgemental, all I can offer is my advice and opinions, which are full hearted.
To everyone else that posted nasty things, shame on you. How can you reply such hutful things to someone who is obviously having a tough time with something and needs advice? Isnt that what this forum is about? Support and advice for relationships? I kind of feel like it should be called," judge and insult peoples situations on relationships"

[Dune]

My apologies if I was being inconsiderate about your feelings.

[hello1]

Boo hoo sorry but if you are not over someone in 10 months then your new boyfriend isn't the right guy for you at all. People break up all the time, people move on all the time and finally meet the right person for them. The only reason your current boyfriend isn't hurt by what you are feeling is because he still holds a torch for his ex which for both of you spells disaster as obviously you two aren't meant too be.

[KelE]

It's just uncomfortable since you still have to be around him, but that happens sometimes in life, so get used to it. At least it is just school that makes you cross paths and not any real bond like marriage or kids, then think how you'd feel. I do think it is a sign that you haven't moved on. Sometimes you have to make a choice to truly move on. You definitely have no right to judge him, but it is just natural to feel jealous. It's human, but not good. Just have to keep working on it.