Needed to vent this out... cheating scumbag!!!

[silverstar1986]

I am totally new to this forum. I don't quite know how to start.

It ended last night. Well, it ended the beginning of May before I stated my new job. After 7years I was trying to hold on to something that I didn't want to let go of. I couldn't see the past 7 years of my life go to waste.

We've had our problems over the last 7years. We've broken up before and always worked it out. He was my best friend as well as my partner (not married). We hadn't been getting on very well recently. More that I was pissing him off. Nothing I did was right. I told him too much about work and my problems. He told me that he didn't want to hear it anymore and that was all I ever spoke about. To be honest that's all I ever did.. work, home, work, home. SO when called and asked how my day went, it was always the same answer.

I found myself apologizing all the time. Saying I was sorry and that I would change. I felt that all the problems we had was down to me.

Then I realized something. It wasn't all me at all. I realized that a relationship works both ways. I told him so and I don't think he liked me sticking up for myself. He got the hump as usual and as usual made me feel bad again for bringing it up.

He had cheated on me before. And I forgave him with no effort made by him. So I think he could get away with it without any consiquenses. (bad spelling)

To cut a bit out, he ended it with me. Well, he started saying that it wasn't working etc. That he couldn't put up with my shit anymore. I asked if it was time to finish it then.. no answer. He was waiting for me to finish it with him I think so that he wouldn't have the guilt. Nothing was said but a goodbye.

Texts still continued as we had always done when we broke up. Obviously, being in love with him, I hoped that it wouldn't last long. Then I tried calling him one night and no answer or text til the next day. He had apparently gotten drunk and ended up in Kent. It didn't take much for me to guess it was some woman. But information kept rolling out that he had been there all weekend, the whole bank holiday weekend with her and her kids. Family BBQ etc. SO this was not just a one night stand.

I had recently had some old looking woman try tag herself in a facebook picture of my ex. I wondered who the hell it was. Curious I looked on her profile which was limited and found she was from Kent. What did i do? Call him and ask if it was her he was with.. silence.. So I shouted. Adrenalin pumping.. 'yeah, why?' came the answer.

Ive never shouted down the phone so loud in my life.. 'YOU DOWNGRADED TO THAT!!! YOU DUMPED ME FOR SOME OLD WOMAN!!! I WAS WAY OUTTA YOUR LEAGUE MATE!!" and with that put the phone down. I had never been so mad in my life. The one night stands (which I hope they were or I was a TOTAL mug) I could understand (sort of) but to be seeing THAT instead of me sickened me to the core.

Texts were thrown back and forth for a day or two. I have never used so many swear words in texts before. I was so angry. I didn't cry. Some of the people I told said he was a total mug for doing that to me. We were broken up at this point yes, but I found out this was going on before we had broken up which what made it worse.

I remembered back to all the meals we had out and how he'd always be texting on his phone. While we were watching movies together how he'd be on his phone receiving texts all the time. These weren't his mates. These were women he was chatting up whilst in MY company!

I feel so stupid. I feel like a total idiot.

He kept saying he didn't want to lose me from his life. That he did love me and that I was his first proper love etc. He wanted to meet and talk in person. It took me a week to agree but it happened in front of my mother who is witness to what was said. He did love me, he didn't want to lose me and would do anything to make it up.

Me being a total fool agreed but put terms down. Maybe I shouldn't have but to be honest when you know you've done wrong you'd do anything to make it up to the person you loved. I know I would, but maybe that's just me. I said that he would have to be 100% sure that was what he wanted. He wasn't sure. SURPRISE SURPRISE!!! I said that I would leave him to think about it but not for long and that I wouldn't wait. To be honest I had already thought of him as gone out of my life. I was trying to think that it was over for good anyway.

Then one day I needed to speak to him. I had a death to deal with. A suicide and then the funeral. He was my best friend and I knew no better of who to call in a time of crisis. I just needed a friendly ear. NOTHING. I was so deperate to talk to someone I called around to see if I could get in touch. Nobody had seen him. Where did I think he was.. WITH HER!! So much for taking time to think about what you want in life. Get was sex you could from her until you decided... DONT WORK THAT WAY!

I was so angry that I thought he was with her (and 99%sure he was) I told him I wanted an answer straight away. Walk away from 7years or try one last time. No answer. I was hurting so bad I made the decision for him. To walk away.

I deleted him off facebook, msn, deleted his number etc. Every comminication possible. I got a text that night saying he hadnt had his phone so hadn't seen any calls or messages.. ''and ya know what... YOU can **** off. NEVER text me again!' was the text. ERM, I dont know if you read already but I already did that to you. I ignored it.

I then got a very angry, very nasty text the next day when he realized I had deleted him of everything. He noticed I had, so he must have looked for me or tried to message me on something. He had got angry over it and told me that I was to deleted all of HIS friends and they were HIS not mine and to never speak to see his family EVER again. And that I should never speak to anyone he knows, because all I ever do is piss people off and everyone will f**king hate me eventually anyway.

NICE! Thank you so much for that.

And then I a few more basically putting the blame on me. That he was going to write me a letter saying how he felt and that I could have had him all to myself forever but that I pushed him away and it was all my fault. I f**ked it up. He didn't say in so many words but that it was all my fault for leaving him on his own through this tough time in his life, that he went to find someone to be with (HER).

Hmm, my fault is it. He stopped me talking to him about anything bad. He was having a tough time in life was he. Going out, having fun with friends, seeing his old ancient woman for sex, playing and having fun with her kids, BBQs, weekend breaks away.. yeah.. so tough. I feel for him I really do.. NOT!

And what about me.. being dumped, cheated on, heart broken, dealing with being demoted after a promotion, job that takes the pee, dealing with a suicide, deadlines before exams whilst trying to work at the same time.. yeah.. tough his life. So much going on to stress him out.

So he managed to make it all my fault as usual. It was my fault we broke up and he has managed to have the last word again! HE never wants to speak to me ever again.

What have I gone and done. Got myself a broken heart. Ive lost my best friend and my boyfriend of 7years. And I still have to deal with everything else.

I'm hoping he realizes soon what he has done and comes begging so I can hurt him like he hurt me. I can ignore him and finally have the upper hand in all this. Right now I haven't got that. He has. I hope he starts feeling what its like to have your heart ripped out and feel as lonely as I do right now.

I love him still, but hate him at the same time. Its fresh and I know it will get better.. just not seeing it yet.

I don't expect anyone to read this but
If you read all of that.. wow.. thanks for taking the time.

I don't think there is much more to say..

[Horseyguy]

This is what you do next.

You stay away from him, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and forget him, he's not worth it.

You get YOUR life back on track, you give 100% to everything you do, you get happy, you meet new people and it will get back to him how great you are doing and how happy you are without him in your life

And then YOU will have the upper hand and he will be kicking himself for throwing away something much better than what he has.

Go on ... do it ... go girl

[silverstar1986]

That's bought tears to my eyes. I shall get up and I shall dust myself off.. and I will forget him. I need to be myself and get my own life back on track. I guess I wont be making him realize what he's lost if I'm wallowing at home being miserable. I shall get out there and be happy!!!

[Horseyguy]

Best revenge ever in a situation like this is to show him that he doesn't matter. Life not only goes on but it gets better.

You are now free, chase your dreams and never look back.

And it doesn't matter what he did because he didn't deserve you and that's why he doesn't matter anymore.

[Cat&Dog]

I totallly agree with the previous post. " One door closed , another door will open " . It just takes time, you will be ok and move on with your new life.

[silverstar1986]

Day one.. (officially) another text from him... ignored and deleted. Pictures deleted with him in them. I don't want to be reminded of his face anymore. Any photos I find laying around will be put into a box until I am ready to throw it all away. I am doing this. I will not let him bring me down! MOVING ON... YAY!

[Horseyguy]

Day one.. (officially) another text from him... ignored and deleted. Pictures deleted with him in them. I don't want to be reminded of his face anymore. Any photos I find laying around will be put into a box until I am ready to throw it all away. I am doing this. I will not let him bring me down! MOVING ON... YAY!

Pin a note to your fridge "HE IS NOT WORTH IT"

You will find it hard these next few days, weeks. You will want him back because for 7 years he's been part of you. But he cheated on you and you ended it.

Everytime you feel like shit, feel like you are going to answer that text, that call, you think about taking him back .... go to the fridge

You can do this. We have all done it and you can always come here, you are never alone here

[smackie9]

Sorry but all that was, was a continual fight your whole post. There was a lot of mental abuse and belittling. 7 years? that is one sorry excuse to stay in a unhealthy relationship. 7 years and no ring, no marriage...that should have told you where this relationship was going.....nowhere.

Be strong hun you can move on from this. You know in your heart you are better than this crap, and you can and will start over with someone else. Like the other poster has said, you can come here for support to help you thru this difficult time.

[silverstar1986]

There was no ring because I didn't want to get married. I don't see how a piece of paper is going to change anything. But that's just my personal view. For some marriage is everything. Not to me. I'm not making excuses for him. Just wanted to point out that's why there was no ring. The thing is.. technically I didn't end the relationship. He did. And then I stupidly hoped he would realize what he'd done. Silly me! He's been texting me. About getting his things back. After all the texts blaming me and never to see his family etc again blah blah blah. Ive not responded. Then he started texting about how this was upsetting him, he loved me. He did want to make it work. That it was his fault etc etc blah blah blah.. I haven't responded. Ive ignored the texts.. so he's gone from being 'I love you, i wanna make this work' to 'I hate you this is all your fault' back to 'I love you' and just got a message just now saying '**** it. Bye i'll delete you then...'' etc etc. Which he said he'd already done hmm... yesterday!

Its hard not to text him back but i havnt. I told him what I needed to tell him then politely asked that he never contact me again. What has he done.. contacted me..

So tonight on 19th May he says bye AGAIN (lost count how many times now) and says no more texts. Let's see how that goes for him!

And thank you. I am glad I have found this forum to vent it all out and share and listen etc. Its nice to talk to people going through the same.

[alexandraboo]

I am in the same situation with mmy boyfriend minus the cheating (that I know of)
I am constantly feeling like I am the cause of our relationship issues, He makes me feel bad when I get upset or hurt about something which makes me feel wrong for even having opinions and feelings on my own.
I am always apologising to him for things that I diddnt even do,
HE always watches porn I have asked him not to because it really hurts me, he looks at other naked women to get off, when he has sex all the time.
He is selfish and mean, yet I always suck up to him because it kills me to think that our relationship will end. Its always my fault, never his. He has hitt me, and I forgave him, hitt me again, and I forgave him, and a lot more, I always forgive, and I am starting to get to the point where even if I look at him I just break down and cry. I love him, but my head is telling me he is an ass hole, my heart is saying, no its jusst how he is. We have a 4 month old son together, and I want to make things work in the case of him.

I feel your situation, and I think that in your case with the cheating, he doesnt even deserve you. I think my bfs porn usuage makes me feel like he is selfish, why the hell should he be able to indulge in another woman for pleasure when he pleages his heart to me. Guys are pigs, they are selfish, and the media today portrays infidelity and sex as an icon that is accepted in society, its all over t.v all over the net, all over EVERYWHERE. Hell beauty is ending up to be fake and plastic, and men are brought up thinking that it is okay to do these things to us, when all we do is love them, take care of them, and be faithful. I have been nothing but with my bf. I apologise that you have to go through this, I just hope that you stay away from that ass hole. I know how hard it can be, if I had to leave my bf I would probably want him back and forgive him even if he cheated multiple times. But ask yourself this? Does he really love you if cheating on you is more important than hurting or losing you? If he did it multiple times, I would never ever trust him again. Once maybe, but not more.

I hope this helps, and good luck! Stay strong, I know I am.

[smackie9]

I don't do the marriage thing either but most do and hang onto the hope it happens. I've been with my guy for over 21 years, and we never cheat or disrespect each other like that, nor have we ever broken up or fight, so what I see with you is "You can do way better than this" situation. A relationship cannot survive on love alone......

[jstr88]

he sounds awful, a lot like my ex-- just really selfish and self-absorbed. people like him would benefit from therapy and some self-actualization. i know how it feels, i really do. just know that you'll be ok and that you're better off without someone who'd go for low-hanging fruit like that. beyond that, karma will take care of the rest. believe it.

[Cat&Dog]

change a phone no. or block his phone no., block his email, move to a new place where nothing can remind you about him, less contact is better when you are in the processing of emotionally detaching with someone, especially if you have 7 years history together.

make a busy schedule for myself, go on a holdiay with single friends, try something new and exciting, etc, give yourself no time to think about him.

It seems that you are smart enough to know that he is not the right one for you, now you only need to be strong and also need time to find yourself again, then you will feel free