Wifes gone on a cruise ithout me.

[Rokkitt]

Hi,

Feel pretty silly here but thought I would try and put my mind at rest with other peoples opinions.

Some time ago my wife and I discussed going on a cruise, we were both apprehensive not having done this before but we agreed it would be good fun to do together, well recently my wife found a great deal on a cruise package but as I am out of holidays at work she decided to go with girlfriends...initially I felt OK with this but as time goes on I am getting more and more annoyed that she went without us.
Earlier in our relationship we had discussed holidaying alone and both agreed we should holiday together, now this is the second time she has gone away without me - last year she went to Bangkok with her mum and brother. Again somewhere I would have liked to visit.
The reason I dont have any holidays is that I am a englishman in australia and every second year I travel back to the UK to visit family....can I just add this is no holiday and my wife will not accompany me even though I would like her too.

I guess my issue is, should she have gone on a cruise without me? what happens with single girls on a cruise (do I have anything to worry about)?? and should I now organise my holidays without her??

Feel free to tell me if I am being silly or if I have valid reasons to feel the way I do....annoyed, deserted and generally left out.

Regards
Rokkitt

[bloodtippedrose]

She sets goals for herself, finds responsible ways to achieve them and doesn't let anything (like you not being able to go) get in her way, thats something you should be proud of! If she didn't WANT you to go then thats one thing, but you not being able to go should not hold her back. Why should she pass up opportunities to have a fun life-experience? People live to make themselves happy, that should be first priority to anyone, and not let any other being hold them back from doing something they've wanted to do.

Sounds like you may have a bit of a trust issue to work out with her. You defiantly shouldn't be angry or guilting her to feel bad about doing something shes been wanting to do for a long time. If you want to go on a trip with her then you need to make time for her. Her idea of holiday is not sitting around all year doing nothing waiting for the ONE time you get holiday time to go and visit your family. Visiting inlaws is NOT a holiday.

[JadenMia]

Well, first off i will say that she has a right to do whatever she wants, with or without you.
But then again, maybe it was a little thoughtless going without you, expecially if it is something that you had both talked about doing together.

My ex used to do this all the time, he would do whatever whenever he wanted. If i coudnt go, no matter how much i wanted to, or we had talked about going together, he would always go without me. It really p*ssed me off to be honest. Because i would always invite him to wherever i ever went, and if he couldnt go, i used to feel bad so i wouldnt either. The resentment built up over it, i finaly went somewhere with my girlfriends and he flipped out and left me. Ironic eh?
Our relationship was shitty though there was no trust.

If you trust her, then just forget about this incident. Surely your wife will be faithful to you and you have nothing to worry about if you do trust her.
But maybe have a talk with her when she gets back, tell her how you are feeling, because i think your feelings are definitely valid. Just make sure not to bug her while shes away, she will fnd that annoying and may come to resent that and not listen to what you have to say.

[Rokkitt]

Thanks for your reply,
Don't think I am too worried about what she will get up too, more annoyed she went without me.... although the little green monster does bug me there is nothing I could do if she did so no point in getting too caught up on those thoughts - have single male friends and they have told me what goes on the ship....(
Unable to bug her, she has been uncontactable since she left a week ago....
I will tallk to her when she gets back about it all but first I want to be confident I am not being silly.

Would this mean we holiday alone in the future now - my holidays are often tied up visiting family and as stated, that is certainly no holiday especially with my family!! my wife knew this would be the case when we moved to Australia - she is Australian. That seems that it will not be fair to me, if we had lived in the UK does that mean that the wife's leave would be used up going to visit family and I can go to Spain, Ibiza, etc with my friends??

[chirping]

1) if your marriage will ever have a chance of lasting forever, you need to understand that it is healthy to spend time apart. it allows you to grow as individuals and allows you keep your identity. it is a breather. you need to take this opportunity too for yourself to do things alone.
2) you should trust your wife. you married her. if you can't trust her for a few days or weeks away with girlfriends, you are doomed.
3) she is independent, she's a strong woman, she knows what she wants and she knows how to get them without causing harm on anyone. she's a picture of a great woman to me.
4) she wanted you to go but you couldn't. it's not like she didn't want you to and even if she didn't want you to go and only wanted her "girlfriends" with her, there's nothing wrong with that. women need their bonding time. no matter how we try, there are things only another woman can provide another woman.

[JadenMia]

Why do you have to visit family so much?

If i were you, i would reserve your next holidays for you and your wife. Take her somewhere nice and treat her, have a good time together.

[Rokkitt]

Why do you have to visit family so much?

If i were you, i would reserve your next holidays for you and your wife. Take her somewhere nice and treat her, have a good time together.

Only see my family once a year, brother, sister and parents - nan and grandad dont have long left...etc. Mum and Dad are getting old now too.

[bloodtippedrose]

have single male friends and they have told me what goes on the ship....

Do you seriously think your wife is one of "those girls"? You need to trust in her.
Also stop sacrificing ALL the holiday time you have with your family and spend ONE (or half) holiday with your wife.
Your putting family over her so why can't she do something alone?

[Rokkitt]

Well the general consensus seems to be that I am being silly...thanks all - do feel a little betterer but still not entirely happy about the situation.
Guess I will talk to her when she gets back and let her know how I have been feeling....nicely of course....

[bloodtippedrose]

Okay bit of advice:

Everytime you speak aloud about a problem, follow it with a possible solution.

[KelE]

I think it's natural to have the feelings your having, but still think it's ok to be Jealous if that's what you would call it. I think it's actually a good sign that you care that she's going away and won't be with you or around you. It would suck if it didn't affect you at all and you basically didn't care. At the same time, I think you both need to meet in the middle instead of trying to figure out who's right. Of course, you shouldn't do all of your vacations separate. That doesn't mean you can't every once in a while do one apart.

[IndiReloaded]

Happens w/busy people. My husband has a trip to France coming up that I'd love to with him on but I have to work so no go. BUT we have another trip coming up after summer to Greece--not missing for anything.

Plan another cruise--one you can go on together. Look forward to the next opportunity instead of back at what you have missed.

[hello1]

YOU chose to use all your holiday time on your family, do you not think that upsets her? but it sounds she does not hold it against you. All I can say is if you get to go away then so should she