Please Help Me. I am really lost! An answer will be very much appreicate!.

[andytx88]

]My name is Andy. I am 22 years old. I have been in relationship with this girl for 2 years and she's only 20. We have been through all the good and tough time together and I don't know why she suddenly wanted a break up. So last Sunday was our 2 years anniversary, we went out of town on a trip. We surely had wonderful time together and a lot of intimacy involved. Then after the trip, few days later I noticed something wrong with her, but she didn't tell me anything. So later on, I asked her what's wrong, she told me she will tell me after my final because I have upcoming tests may be she doesn't want to mess with my mind. But it doesn't make a different sooner or later , So I force her to tell me, and she told me she wants to take a break because she's tired.. and she also wanted to focus in school and be single for awhile. Also, in the past month, i got a full time job, I got distract and didn't do well in school. She asked me many time to do homework, but I really don't pay attention and broke the promises few times. I guess it's part of my fault too, but I am the type of guy took relationship very seriously, and I am willing to change for her.

In the beginning of dating her, i got high temper and usually use vulnerable when we argued or threw stuff around. She broke up with me and I changed completely into a new person. I didn't cuss at her even a word when we had argument. So I wanna say that to let you guys know that I am willing to change for her this time too. I asked the boss that i will quit and I will take full time classes to study. It' like when something dramatic happened, that is the time I changed.

Anyway back to the point, She told me not to call her nor text her during the break. And I respect her and didn't contact her. On the Mother' Day recently, also during our break, at night, I came over to her house because I bought her mom a shirt for Mother ' Day gift. I rang door bell many times and her mom came out . I gave her the gift and she told me my girlfriend wasn't home. So I am really mad, I called her multiple times until she picked up..at first she told me she;s at a friend house, but because her room is on the side,, and I saw the light turn on her room, I know that she's at home and she lied, so basically she didn't want to see me. We had a talk, and she led on that she might not get back with me, she's not sure, it's 50/50. She told me to give her more times to think and she will answer.

So time goes on, one day I got home and logged into her yahoo chat messenger because we shared password when we were dating, just the curiosity what she' been up to. and Finally, i saw a hurtful truth, she chatted to one of her co worker at work and I saw the recorded of conversation she didn't clear, she told that person she confused, she don't want to be with a guy with no future, She said i'm a good guy and stuff.. and she said she wants a high standard, she wants to love herself first before get into another relationship. My heart fell apart, I scrolled down and the ugly part appear, my girlfriend and I went to the gym near our home,, and there is one guy , he 's a personal trainer, he's not buff or anything., but she got attract by him, she told her friend she had the urge to hit on that guy and blah blah blah.

By that time, i came over straight to her house to clear the thing. And I told her how much I love her, and why she did that to me, she said she were just saying she didn't do anything and she got mad .. I tried to explain to her that I will change and what we have been through. During the time dating her, She got abortion twice which she never had one before in her life, and I already told myself that She will be my wife because I owned her alot, but I guess she took it so lightly. Despite of that ugly fact, I forgive her, i asked her what do you think, did u make up your decision, and she told me she wants to be single and asked if we can remain friends, but she wasn't sure, so she asked me to give her one more day. and yea so last night she made her finally decision. So throughout the whole break, I was left hanging, and I got sick until now.

When I knew her, there's alot of rumors around she' a slut, because she kept on dating guys after guys, and I can experience how open she was . Because during the time of knowing her,,, we had feeling for each other, but not really strong, we had sex and I think we will be daitng but then she told me if we can be friend, i was surprise It's like friend with benefit? and also I am a guy. But as i stated above, I took relationship very seriously and always think about future. Everything I do, I do it for her. When i know her, i bought her alot of things, basically in her room, most her clothes are from me, laptop... im not trying to show off or anything but I did my best to provide her everything. She didn't ask for anything but I just did it. I spoiled her alot, but she really loves me, during the time of dating, she never lied to me and very honest with me in everything. I don't know if she has changed. I am lost, even now I don't even know her reason of breaking, she gave me many excuses that she wanted to be single, she wanted to complete school, and she wanted me to focus in school to have future.

Anyway, I did come over her house, All i asked her just one last hug, and she hugged me. when I walked out the door, she called me back and she told me to do good with school and blah blah. Then I walked of. So basically today is the 2nd day of our break. I don't know if it is possible to have her back. But for now I will go with the rule no contact. Please help me=

[bloodtippedrose]

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
You are doing crappy in school -turnoff
you cant or couldn't control your temper- turnoff
you're possessive calling her your girl when she broke up with you- red flag
you're jealous
you invaded her privacy-deal breaker

Woman(aside from golddiggers) don't just want some loser that has a paycheck and buys them crap. And they certainly don't want to be "owned"
Say you'll change yourself and then DO it, don't just say you've done it, and most of all do it for yourself to make you a better person, not to win someone back. Also show a little responsibility and buy some condoms or pull out! Its not that difficult! If you REALLY TRULY love her then you would want the best for her, which right now isn't you.

And please type in a reasonable font size, this post was hard to stomach.

[andytx88]

thank you for your comment. I will change to become a better person. Guess we were young and immature. But Thanks alot for your comment!

[bloodtippedrose]

Age has nothing to do with it. I am 22 years old as well.

[andytx88]

Yep, Anyway I did quit my job and I will study full time at school to finish my degree in engineering. I don't know if later on, she will give me a chance because I really love her.

[bloodtippedrose]

You can't be getting your degree just to impress her, its not just getting a degree or good paying job that will make her want to be with you, its INSIDE you that would need to change. You need to have goals and try hard to reach them. Thats what any woman would want to see. Thats why she cared about your poor grades, because it shows you have no drive, no ambitions and ultimately no future.
Other than that your relationship could not survive because there was NO trust. That was proven by you snooping through her conversations. You need to take this opportunity away from her to better MENTALLY. THINK about why you're angry and what you could do to solve it, THINK about how much you trust your girlfriends before you go and invade their privacy. Dont just act like an animal and get mad and throw stuff. These changes don't happen instantly you need to work for them, right now it sounds like youre working for nothing and you're expecting her to just accept that.

Its not the diploma or money she will be attracted to, its the ambition and drive. If you have any spare money you would greatly benefit from a psychology course to learn about what makes people tick and bettering yourself.

[chirping]

i think you should concentrate on studying and working. it is evident you can't do more than two things at one time. at your age, studies and making a living are the priorities. work, study, grow up and then maybe you can start thinking about a serious relationship.

[andytx88]

@bloodtippedrose: but you have to look at other way too, she wants to have a break first, and she didnt mention anything about breaking up, so I think it's not right to target on another person, i think it's a rebound. when we had arguments, she always log in my email acct to check also, so I think I can do it too. But anyway, i know what you mean that I should trust her.
@chirping: I will definitely take your advices and Bloodtippedrose. I will focus in school and do my best.

[andytx88]

Also, we're too dependent on each other while we were dating, We dont hang out with friends anymore, we stayed in our comfort zone, and do our stuffs like sitting at home and watch movie or when we go out, it's only us. And everyday i went to work, at night i came over to her house to chill because from her house to my house only 5 minutes. I think it's the same routine over and over again and may be she got bore

[bloodtippedrose]

Then you both didnt trust each other and it was doomed to fail from the beginning. Her dating someone else, even if its a rebound, is completely none of your business. If you get involved it shows you're still being possessive instead of wanting her to be happy. Also she did hint at breaking up everytime she told you what she didn't like about you. Either way it doesnt matter because you dont need permission or a time allowance to break up with someone. And trust me im not saying shes all innocent. The biggest thing you have to look at: why want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with you when there are people out there that would love every second of your company?

[andytx88]

thank you so much pedrose. I am feeling much better to see all of you guys advices.

[bloodtippedrose]

You take criticism very well so you seem to be a nice guy. I hope you can find someone that suits you better. Stop chasing a girl that isnt all that worth it, and find out what you'd love to do and go at it. Love always seems to show up when you're concentrating on yourself.

[andytx88]

Hello Bloodtippedrose, I want to update you few infos about what happened last night and today. So after the break up, she texted me last night and said "Good Nite" and I ignored her text , then we used to work out together at the gym, today while i were work out, she saw me and came to me and say hi, then I just smile back, she walked away and later texted me "when we broke up, you are ok with being friend, but you really don't mean it do u?" and I ignored her, she texted me again and said " You have every right to hate me and use me as your motivation. Good Luck" , I really want to ignore that, but i still love her, so i jsut texted back and say " I am always your friend with smiley face ". What should I do now??