Odd Complicated Situation. Long read, sorry, but please help!

[thatgirl]

Okay, so I met my best friend in 2004, I got really close with her family and realized I liked her little brother who was two years younger than us. We were in youth group together and we always teased each other and flirted around. He would make fun of me, I would hit him. I would find reason to be around him all the time. I practically lived at their house during the summer.

They have an older brother one year older than us but he is mentally handicapped. I don't discriminate in any way and I love him, just not in that way. In high school he always said I was his girlfriend, which put me in an awkward situation, not wanting to offend them but also to handle with it. He took me to prom, and he had multiple girls he had crushes on, so I knew he probably just liked me because I was around a lot and nice to him.

One summer night, my best friend and I were playing the "truth" game, where we can ask each other any question and we have to tell the truth no matter what. I basically told her I liked one of her brothers, and she kept on guessing the older one, refusing to say her younger brother's name. At the time I thought I was being subtle and slick, but 7 years later, I know it was extremely obvious and there was no way that she didn't know. ESPECIALLY judging from that night and how I flirted a lot with her younger brother.

We moved away from where we lived after high school and just last year got back together because I came back to live with their family. Right from the start I knew it would be awkward to see my old crush, considering we hadn't seen each other for 5 years, and we both did a lot of growing up. He was really short and I beat him up before, but my best friend said he grew and I must say I was really nervous to see him again, and I know it probably showed. I arrived and put my stuff in my room, then she told me to go downstairs and see her brother. I stalled for a while until she asked if I was scared to see him again. I lied and tried to play it off, but it kinda failed. On the way down she hinted about my old crush but only vaguely, saying that I can't date her brother even though he's grown up and hot now. Right after she said she was just kidding and that she wouldn't mind. Then her and her mother told me to say hi and hug him and I awkwardly refused, only to be teased about it and suffered more hints about my old crush in front of him.

Well, since then my best friend and I have moved out and now live in different cities, but we came back together at her parent's house months ago for her sister's baby shower. During that time we had a sleepover like we used to, and my best friend and I were going to sleep in the living room and watch movies. Her brother was in his room for a while, then decided he wanted to come out into the living room and watch movies with us and sleep on the couch. We thought that was really sweet because we figured he missed those days when we were all together all the time.

A few weeks ago we got back together for his graduation. He has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, and I've basically told myself I'm over that old crush, but for some reason with the whole family being together again, the feelings came rushing back. The confusing part is that we avoided each other, but not enough to go out of our way. He occasionally teases me, but not enough to make me think anything. I've brushed everything off mostly, but during the regular family pictures in his cap and gown, my best friend insisted that I take a picture with him. I tried to decline, saying it would be weird and awkward, but they pressured me and I was really nervous. He put his arm over my shoulder and hugged the hell out of me for the picture. I looked totally squished in his arms. It was then that I realized that maybe I still liked him, at least a little. In the past, we only teased and hit each other, I don't ever remember that kind of contact. So having that kind of made me remember that's what I wanted all those years ago. Later in the day, at his reception, we'd glance at each other and look away quickly. I tried my hardest to be chill and not pay attention to him. If that was the only other event I would just say that it was probably all coincidence, but we were visiting with his family in the living room after the reception and I'd catch a few more glances, but at one point when his dad was telling a story, I felt his eyes looking at me in my peripheral vision. It was longer than usual, and I think he thought it was safe because I was paying attention to his dad.

Now my problem is, I don't want to straight out ask his sister or family if they knew about my crush in the past and if the feeling was mutual at the time. I also don't want to make it a big deal. But from reading my story, what do you take out of it? Am I making something out of nothing? Or do I have reason to be confused? What did his most recent behavior mean, because I have NO idea what to take from it. I want to attempt to develop a closer relationship with him, but considering our awkward past, I don't want to be unintentionally obvious and make him uncomfortable. Any advice is welcomed!