Such a heart blowing weekend

[shenner]

I did a summary at the end lol..

As of last monday my GF and I were taking time, she said she needed to figure out her life, career, and assess her goals before anything gets more serious with us. It was very hazy whether or not we were broken up and Thursday night she was at my house (parents house) and said she wanted to be with me, I confirmed twice and asked if she was sure this is what she wanted, she said yes. And then later that night I asked again at her house and same answer. So I figure we are good and I could help her figure out her other things.

Saturday morning I ran into my GF's ex (who she was 'trying' to work out a friendship with) and she was with him actually (she said they were talking about it), and asked if he would like to come to my brothers stag and doe, he said sure and I told him some of my buddies (who he knows) would be there too.
My GF didn't like this idea one bit.

My GF and I go out for dinner before the stag and doe and she says we arent together and that she still needed time and that yes she wants to be with me but we arent dating. She said she wouldn't go pick up and that she wasn't going anywhere, she just needed head space to think. I told her a ton of info and she pegged me as Dr. Phil... anyways I was ok with this, she wanted to hang out so we didnt loose what we had but to not get more serious and to even take a small step back.

Stag and doe comes and she is hanging off her ex, I ask her about it and she denies it, I had too much shit going on to do anything else. My friends would ask why I'm putting up with that disrespect and I let it slide, my one friend asked drunkenly what the **** she was doing and she very plainly said we had broken up.
Shit hits the fan, I ask her to leave, she had no ride, so I was said I was leaving my own brothers wedding event.

Her ex's face after i said i was leaving showed me more sympathy than any comfort my friends could have given me.He was the first one out the door when I walked out.
I end up going back in and she pulls me aside to talk, we go to my car and she basically yells at me saying im ruining any chance of friendship with her ex. I tell her what she is doing and she denies it and says that isn't how it is.

I end up getting drunk and her ex actually offers his house as a place to stay. She was pissed! Her, him, myself and his friend drove us to his house (she was going home though), she was pissed, launched the front seat into my knees and was saying how her ex and I were boyfriends and best friends now, and we were drunk and played a long like ass holes.
We get to his house and are talking, turns out in the time we were dating (which he had no idea about, she kept telling him we werent) that they were sleeping together constantly. He was shocked to hear her and I were having sex too let alone dating for 5 months.
He told me many things about her past, that her boyfriend in highschool/ year afterwards that cheated on her with 5 other girls (i knew that part) had gotten her pregnant too and she had an abortion (didn't know that part of it.. she had always told me her ex helped her through tough times and that's why friendship was so important, and now i know that it was he who helped her recover from doing what she did). He said one night while they were dating and talking about past sex life that she has slept with over 30 people (she is 23 in two weeks). She isn't one of those girls you can look at and know she has a dumpster for a vagina either.
I told him that she had stopped taking her pill and if he knew that, he didnt and had been ****ing her without a condom.
I sent her messages saying I knew these things now, and that although I knew she was lying about stuff before that I didn't think it was this!
He told me, and she has told me before that he has said this too, that he has moved on and been with other people and is going to ask someone else out.

She said she only wanted to talk to her ex and that she never loved me.

Her ex calls her and says that he doesn't know how to say it any differently, that he has moved on and she should have to and should have been happy with me. He got harsh and said he hadn't just been having sex with the girl he likes, but since he and her broke up that he has been with girls that caused problems while they were dating. She said she didn't care and wanted him. He told me that if her and I can some how work things out (not happening btw) that he hopes it can work and said that now that he knows for sure that we were together and if we are again he would never sleep with her and cut all ties if that's what I wanted. He said 3 months ago he sent me text messages (he only had my old number) asking what was going on, and when i didnt reply he sent more basically giving me caution and that maybe he and I should talk (he still had the sent messages on his phone and showed me them). He said he would of tried harder to contact me but assumed i was ignoring him and he didnt know we were dating so didn't think it was THAT big of a deal then. I know he is a straight up guy, my friend has been his classmate for 5 years and tells me he is good too. I actually think that he and I may be friends out of this.


Short form: My ex was cheating on me the entire time with her ex, her ex had no idea we were even having sex let alone dating. He told me everything and I did the same for him. He didn't want anything to do with her and he has moved on, she wanted him so bad and it was an easy lay.
He told me many things from her past which I now know has caused psychological "trauma" to make her the way she is, and it's actually to the point that I am scared for her and dont know what to do. She was cheated on by her boyfriend of 2.5 years in highschool/ dated a year afterwards and he still ended up getting her pregnant and she had an abortion and her parents don't know. She has 'punished' herself since and he told me that she has slept with more than 30 people. She can't stop lying (obviously) our entire relationship was a lie, she never stops lying to everyone around her, her ex, her parents, strangers. I know she needs help and this is turning her in on herself, it's not my place any more, especially after our relationship was just a giant cheat, but what this is for me is basic human compassion and I can't sit back and see a person get destroyed. She is a dog that lets herself get beat over and over again, yet still comes back wagging it's tail.

[Mathias]

She has to get destroyed. It's the only way she'll change.

Stay out of it now.

[pisces25]

Not sure if you are asking for any advice or comments but you sound like a really caring person and probably someone your ex could do with in her life. Takes someone truly special to see past someone's behaviour and have compassion what they are going through. All I can recommend is try to convince her to seek professional help and be an ear if she needs it. If she doesn't want to seek help there isn't a lot you can do unfortunately just let her know you are there. She is still fairly young it may take her some time to seek the help she needs. Good luck..

[shenner]

thank you both. you are right, i am a caring person, i am also a push over and very (too) easy going, which is what she took advantage of. i never raised my voice towards her, and never swore or said anything mean if we were fighting.
now with that said, when her ex told me all these things, i was a little drunk and a lot mad, i got resentful and childish. my texts started with knowing she had cheated on me, and pretty much ended on "maybe you Carl (guy who cheated on her and got her knocked up) and the baby could have been happy"

i was so mad at the time and now i can't even understand how i could say it. so i'm not perfect and i know what i said that night was a blow to her. i went to her house sunday to give her stuff back, no one was home so i waited, 2 hours, but it was getting done no matter how long i had to wait. she ended up being the first home and was alone. i walked towards her car with the stuff and she walked past me, turned when she got to the door grabbed the stuff and went inside and just before the door shut i asked if i could step in, she shut the door, i opened it and said can i get my stuff to, she shut it again and locked it.
what i gave her was what i had in my car after leaving her ex's that morning (i still have more). so a blanket, her spare air miles card, and 3 CDs. the one CD was burnt and in a case, so i wrote on the paper insert "you'll never find love at the end of a lie", i dont even know if it makes sense (and immature i know). but she got inside and obviously saw it and i heard her throw everything. she comes back and throws my stuff on the ground and shut the door.

also, i did send her an email last night, it's long, and i can copy it in here i guess, but it basically was closing things. 10% was about me, i asked why if she was sleeping with him the entire time did she even start a relationship with me.
but the rest was my compassion and trying. i didnt want to say sorry since it was her that jerked me around, but i had to apologize for the things i texted her.
she didnt reply so i sent another saying to please read it because there was a lot of good in it and she needs to hear those things.
she fired back bitching me out, saying she doesnt need me or my bullshit, that i dont deserve to know her. she doesnt want to hear my "woe is me" emails. to stop talking to her and that she blocked me on facebook, BBM and text (not possible on her phone though).


lastly, she didnt buy me many physical 'keep sake' items while we dated, but i do have a baseball hat from a blue jays game we went to, a key chain from when she was in florida with her family, some pictures she gave me of herself to put in my room/ anywhere, things of that nature. since it was all a lie i'm not sure if i want any of it, but i might regret throwing it away, or even returning it to her. what should i do? just put it away and if in 6 months i still dont want it then toss it?

[VincenzoG91]

Put that stuff away in a box. If you don't trust your instincts right now, give the box to a friend to hold for you. Do yourself a big favor and don't try to contact her anymore.

[shenner]

yea im not going to, i kind of want to say "happy birthday" to her on May30th, but i doubt i will.
if she doesnt contact me, in July i might message her and see if she just wants to grab a coffee. with all the lies i dont think i can be her friend, but i'm still going to be someone who can listen and at least be friendly.

and thanks, i put that stuff in my car last night with the intention of dropping it off at her work at lunch today, but when i saw it this morning i thought maybe i should put it away for now. so i will.

[shenner]

ok i'm having trouble now. between sitting at work and having my blackberry always with me, it's hard to not email her or text her. i did send an email yesterday (which i mentioned above) and she replied, and emails went back and forth yesterday, she went from being really pissed to the last email ending with "Just please leave me alone for right now".

I will sometimes think, maybe she didn't cheat, but I know she did. And it's sucks because i still love her, and i am so forgiving that forcing myself to not see past it is hard. I do know that if i made that mistake that she would just end up doing something again. It's just so hard to believe that after everything I did for her that she would actually be sleeping with him all this time. I can't comprehend how a person can do that.

She tried to guilt me by saying "i hope youre happy, you not only lost me as a love interest but a friend".. It is so hard for me to imagine that someone could lie constantly for months, with very little being the truth, and she worked hard for us to work as a couple, and that's where i second guess things. Why would she pretend to care when i gave her so many chances during fights "do you actually want to be with me?" I'd ask, and she would assure me she did. I gave her the opportunity to say "no" many times.

I talked to one of my girl friends last night and she just listened, entire story, start of relationship up to this past weekend. It helped to say it, just like it did here, and I was feeling fine all last night, I did get choked up at one point and it was a time when she was sick with a fever and we were fighting but I couldn't leave her side, I didnt want to leave her shivering alone.
But anyways, i was feeling fine, i was driving around alone and felt great, and now I've been at work for 5 hours today and getting sad again. I know this rollercoaster is normal, but what can I tell myself to not contact her. I wish I could get mad, and I'm not sure why after everything I'm not, but I know I'm not an angry person to begin with, but still this is worthy of anger. It would be easier to hate her, but all i feel is love and sorrow. My eyes have been constantly "droopy" and if i wasnt holding back so hard there would be tears.
I can't believe she would do this to me, she seemed so sweet. I've constantly been commended for my interpersonal skills, and I knew something was going on with her, and that she still had residual feelings for her ex, but to actually cheat on me I guess i just couldn't let myself believe. When her ex told me, i felt a little relieved, and i guess that is a sign i did know all along.

I know this is going to give me trust issues in the future, when i love someone or they are close to me, i give them my complete trust and i am fully open with them. after this it's going to be so hard.