Should I move on??

[junot]

Im recently divorced with 1 young child, I have been seeing this lady that is also recently divorced that has 3 young kids. We seemed to hit it off and the first 3 weeks we talked nonstop either by email or phone, everything seemed to be going good. We would always try to work-in seeing each other at some point in the day or week.

Now, for about the last 3 weeks, she has been very distant, doesnt always reply back to messages and doesnt seem to want to put forth any effort in trying to see one another. I have confronted her several times about it, and she always says she is still interested and not seeing anyone else, she just has a lot going on with the kids, work and everyday life. I also think she has money problems and also doesn't have a lot of people that help her with her kids. Anyway, I try my hardest to believe that she is still interested, but when you go from nonstop talking...want to see you kind of talk to rarely even replying back, I just feel like she has either moved on to someone else or lost interest. There are a few days where she will reply back to me on a regular basis, and then the next day nothing. If I stop sending her messages for a day, she will just all of a sudden send me a text with general chat, and then we will reply back and forth maybe 2 or 3 times and then I hear nothing else from her. What is up with this, I like this girl and I know its tough with 3 kids and the daily life, but is that what the problem really is? Sometimes I think she is just keeping me on the sidelines as a backup. I have offered my help if she ever needs anything, but she has always bypassed the issue or said no. I cant even seem to be able to arrange a date with her or a playdate at the park with all of the kids.

Also, she does seem to be able to find time for other events without me, and I have noticed that she will also go to the park with just her kids and never ask me if I want to take my son also. Also, there are times I can text her and never hear nothing back, but I can look online and she is on facebook.

I just dont understand why she wouldnt tell me she has lost interest or moved on if thats the case, and I also dont know why she would communicate with me if I dont communicate with her for a day or so. Im just looking for some advice to see if I should stick around, give it more time, or just move on?

[smackie9]

You need to give her a little space so she can do her own thing.....maybe she doesn't was a relationship that is so involved with her own life.

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, you should move on. She's found somebody/something else to occupy her time and attention, and the reason she hasn't said anything to you directly is that she's afraid of confrontation. Lots of people are like this.

Being the sort of direct and blunt S.O.B. I am, I don't have that problem, but my wife does, and it's something we work on together - she helps me to be more sensitive, I help her to face what she needs to head-on.

[smackie9]

Yes, you should move on. She's found somebody/something else to occupy her time and attention, and the reason she hasn't said anything to you directly is that she's afraid of confrontation. Lots of people are like this.

Being the sort of direct and blunt S.O.B. I am, I don't have that problem, but my wife does, and it's something we work on together - she helps me to be more sensitive, I help her to face what she needs to head-on.

Interesting. I am blunt as it gets.....I can be sensitive, but only when it's due. Mostly for those who really got the s hitty end of the break up stick. They have it bad enough, they don't need anymore punishment.

[HeartIsAching]

Interesting. I am blunt as it gets.....I can be sensitive, but only when it's due. Mostly for those who really got the s hitty end of the break up stick. They have it bad enough, they don't need anymore punishment.

I have trouble being sensitive to others. Sometimes people ask my opinion and get offended by the answer. I answer honestly, but frequently with less tact than I should.

I've actually noticed this about you, and find that we often agree. I like your style.

[smackie9]

The reason I do it in a abrupt way is to make them jump out of their confused state, they feel offended but it gets their mind going in a different direction. It gets them to look at their situation in a more objective way. It works, but there are those that are not looking for honesty but someone to blow sunshine up their ass or sugarcoat a bunch of BS, which accomplishes nothing.

[smackie9]

My way of being sensitive is keeping my mouth shut and walking away.

[HeartIsAching]

The reason I do it in a abrupt way is to make them jump out of their confused state, they feel offended but it gets their mind going in a different direction. It gets them to look at their situation in a more objective way. It works, but there are those that are not looking for honesty but someone to blow sunshine up their ass or sugarcoat a bunch of BS, which accomplishes nothing.

Exactly right.

[smackie9]

One thing tho, I get a lot of harsh criticism because I am a woman.......people have an expectation of a nurturing response from a female and I find that sexist. Guys go out of their way to call me a c unt, etc. practically burning me at the stake.

I have to use a beer avatar to fool people into thinking I'm a guy and guess what.......everyone leaves me alone.

[HeartIsAching]

One thing tho, I get a lot of harsh criticism because I am a woman.......people have an expectation of a nurturing response from a female and I find that sexist. Guys go out of their way to call me a c unt, etc. practically burning me at the stake.

I have to use a beer avatar to fool people into thinking I'm a guy and guess what.......everyone leaves me alone.

Funny... your avatar never fooled me. I took you for a blunt/plain-spoken woman right off.

[curiousgurl29]

Yes, I would definitely move on. A lot of people hate confrontation, as well as hurting another person's feelings. It's so much easier to make excuses about why you can't hang out than be honest with the other person.It sounds like that very well may be the case with your friend. I would start dating other people.

[smackie9]

Funny... your avatar never fooled me. I took you for a blunt/plain-spoken woman right off.

You maybe but most no.....they just assume I was a guy. I did an experiment and put on a frilly avatar and a kissing lips banner.....I got bashed continually everywhere I posted. Went back to the beer and things calmed right down.