How long did it take you..

[Gratedwasabi]

..to get comfortable with sex after losing your virginity?

I'm, once again, in the position that the girl I'm dating has never had sex.. despite being absolutely gorgeous, enticing and in her mid-20s! And it's not for religious reasons.. and she has strongly hinted that I will very soon get to have sex with her.

Somehow I keep finding myself in this position and the last few experiences haven't been great. I have no problem taking it slow and such, but I do get a bit annoyed with constant and continued embarrassment about sex. I know it's a big deal.. probably bigger from a female perspective than a man's.. but still, I think after a few months of being together (we're not there, speaking of past experiences) there should be a comfort level there.

I rather like this woman and regardless of the sex, I will continue to see her. But I'm curious about women's experiences with their first sexual experiences and how long it took to really get comfortable and enjoying it. She has been very aggressively interested in me touching her, so I'm confident she will enjoy that much, but I know touching and actual sex are really processed on different wavelengths for women.

In short.. after your first time having sex, how long did it take you to really get comfortable with it? Was it a process or were you pretty much into it immediately?

[qwertz]

I was pretty much into it straight away. The first time i actually quite enjoyed, the second time was even better and by the third time i was really getting the hang of things. From then on it was a very quick upward spiral into sexual oblivion (lol)

[ellietwo]

I thought the first time was odd. I was a bit scared because I didn't konw what would happen
and as you indicate there also was the embarassement on some level.
The last few times I could really enjoy it and fully participate, so it took me almost 7 weeks...
I'm still not the one to initiate or to take the lead, though

[vashti]

I didn't really enjoy it much for maybe 10 years. I didn't hate it either; I just didn't see what all the fuss was about.

[qwertz]

I didn't really enjoy it much for maybe 10 years. I didn't hate it either; I just didn't see what all the fuss was about.

10 years?!!!

[ShellyZ]

I was in the same position that your girlfriend is in. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25. Before that, I had several long-term relationships that included plenty of physical intimacy, so I wasn't embarrassed about sex at all. I wasn't abstaining for moral or religious reasons either. I just didn't want to be anyone's conquest and I didn't have to worry about guys using me for sex. I liked having that reassurance that my boyfriend truly cared about me as a person, that he wasn't just in it for sex.

Anyway, to answer your question, when I finally started having sex I loved it right away. Of course, by then I was more than ready and I'd had plenty of experience with the other physical stuff. As opposed to a girl who loses her virginity when she's 15 and doesn't really enjoy it because she wasn't ready and was inexperienced. But I have to say, it really depends on the man. If a woman loses her virginity to a man who's bad in bed, she probably won't enjoy it very much. If the man acts like she's weird or abnormal for still being a virgin, then she'll probably be self-conscious about sex for a long time. And if the man doesn't treat her well after sex, or if he doesn't respond to her need for emotional closeness after sex, then she probably won't feel comfortable with it right away.

Luckily my boyfriend knew just how to handle me (even though he hadn't been with a virgin since he was 16) so I had a very positive first experience. I pretty much wanted it all the time after that. Helps to have a man who's good in bed. ;-)

[Yet another guy]

Luckily my boyfriend knew just how to handle me (even though he hadn't been with a virgin since he was 16)

I'd guess that's probably the very reason why he knew what to do.

[ShellyZ]

I'd guess that's probably the very reason why he knew what to do.

Why? Because I was the only virgin he'd been with in 10 years? Seems like he would have forgotten how to deal with a virgin by then. But I guess he just has a good instinct for this kind of thing.

[Yet another guy]

What I meant by the reason is that he is experienced (I'm assuming that he has had sex more than just the one time 10? years ago; I guess I could be wrong).
The things that you list as important for a virgin:

good in bed, treating her properly after sex, emotional closeness...

To me they all seem like things women would like whether they were virgins or not. Correct me if I'm wrong. In other words, they are something that an experienced guy knows to do and how. Sure, even a slightly experienced guy might be good at that too if his previous partners had been kind enough to give some pointers but that's beside the point.
I also have this gut feeling that guys and girls have very different views on their own virginity and thus it wouldn't be such a significant advantage to remember what it was like to be a virgin.

[ShellyZ]

Oh I see what you mean. Yes, he was very experienced. I was also thinking about the physical aspects of having sex with a virgin. For example, the guy has to be more gentle than usual, he has to go a lot slower and spend more time on foreplay, he should make sure to verbally check in with her along the way, ask if she feels OK, etc. Men who don't have much experience with virgins might forget about those things, because they're used to women who don't require that much care. But if you do all those things, she'll love you for it.

[bapbapbap]

My first time was also my partners first time which meant that we were taking things slow and it was just really special, I enjoyed the first time, but the second time wasnt so nice and it put me off for at least another 5months lol after then it felt great and i couldnt believe what i had been missing out on

[girl68]

a few weeks...

a lot longer if he's had experience and I had not.