I actually dont know where to begin this "story". I met the girl of my life (me 26, she 23) few months after my previous relationship which lasted 7 years. That one was a disaster. Anyway this girl had it all, was smart, intelligent and a beauty. We practically fell in love @ first sight more or less. We had 3 wonderful months together until some issues came to reviel them selves. And they were relgious.

Now the thing is that we both are from same country but i my parents have different religions, one parth which her parents didnt accept. The thing is that i dont belive in any religion since its the seed of all evil in my opinion. So we were forced to break up some time in january. Note that this was not something i wanted. So what happeneds next is something i will regret rest of my life and I wont make the same mistake again.

After the breakup in january we continued as usual, which means to spend time together and act as a couple but we didnt have a tag on it so to say. This thing started to suffocate me from the inside since im a traditional kind of guy, i like to have a tag on something that is "mine". Anyway, this period made me paranoid, depressed, clingy and needy all shit at the same time. I also stopped spending time with all my friends and invested all my time, money and energy on her. I became something i usualy are not because of the fear of loossing her. And i did in the end.

this pain lasted for 5 months, until 3 weeks ago when she made a trip to our home country ( We live in another). During this time i texted her numerous times just to see how she is etc. now i know she had a lot to do there , spending time with family and all that but i missed her so mutch i could not pull my self together. BUT something happened to her during the trip. She suddenly changed her mind about us.

After she came home, she avoided me for a week, we spoke very little. And ofc i had this gut feeling, i kne what was coming to me. So she finnaly agreed to meet up with me, thats when she dropped the bomb. I dont need to tell the rest sinc u all know what the situatuion is like afterwords.

Her reason was that she didnt feel the spark, but she is confused at the same time. She doesnt need anyone atm since she has lots of things going on in school. Tho she wants us to be friends because who knows what happeneds in the future. And she still loves me but shes supressing her feelings bcu her situation in her life. That was her words. The sades thing is that, while we were away from eachother i stared to be my self again. Spen time with old friends and family, began to work out and to renovate my appartement ans i should befor i met her. But it was to late i guess.

I am ofc devastated and feel betrayed but i accepted the breake up and i told her that a friendship will never be possible since i will suffer and she wont. She got mad at me for feeling that way, tho i wonder why. Anyway, we talked for the last time 5 days ago through the phone, thats when i told her im moveing on with my life i wished her the best and that i want some time for my self, also that she is not aloued to contact me unless she wants me back. After that the NC started. and ended last night when she typed to me on msn.

She: Hi

Me: Hi

She: How are you?

Me: Im fine, kind of stressed atm.

She: Why??

Me: Bcu im makeing some drawings for my appartement, need to tear down some walls

She: aha, ok ok

Me: was it anything special?

she didnt answer for a few minutes then i typed:

Sorry for being so short with you, ive been doing this thing the whole day and my head hurts,
going to bed now.

She: Ok, sleep tight / kiss

Me: Good night, and i logged off.

Now im confused, why does she do this? I sure wont contact her if that is what she hopes for. Maybe for attention?

In the end, i dont know if I want her back well i dont have any hopes atleast, i just want to heal. But i do love her so mutch u cant imagine. Ive removed her form Facebook, Skype etc. have her only on MSN still. Should i log in 1 or twice a week, or be logged in all the time just to make her think of me?

What should I do from now on?