Doubts

[qwertz]

I'm having doubts about my relationship again.

Nothing has changed really, I just feel a bit stuck in a rut kinda thing. The things that were little and slightly annoying at the time seem to becoming this bigger annoyance.
It feels that maybe something is missing, i dont know. I love him, and I know he loves me, 90% of the time things are good, we laugh and joke, he's caring and considerate on the whole, but.... things like him being in the wrong- we will have a 'discussion' about it, it always ends with me apologising for my part (im always able to see when im in the wrong and rightly apologise for it) but he NEVER apologises, EVER. This is beginning to grate on me now.

We dont seem as close in some ways as we used to be. As alot of you know, ive had a few issues! I have consciously made an effort not to let them impact on the relationship, but previously if ive needed to talk whatever he has been there for me, a listener a shoulder to cry on. He's alway made it clear that he is there for me, whereas now it feels as though it would feel awkward to talk about stuff like that, to open up etc. It also feels like he has shut down a little, not being as open about things as he was before.

Intimacy has also dropped off in many ways. On a sexual side, well...things are not great. He has a lower sex drive than me, we have discussed this before and its something that we have compromised on i guess lol. But recently its not so much the amount of sex but the effort he puts in...its getting less and less, to the point that i am being left unsatisfied and frustrated.
In other ways- we used to be quite intimate/intense/deep in terms of closeness, but that is also not really happening anymore.

I realise that we are probably reaching the end of the 'honeymoon' stage, and maybe im feeling more sensitive the last few days than normal, some of the things i can compromise on, but some, if im honest, are deal breakers.

So would you say these things are normal for the end of the honeymoon stage? Or is there more to it?

[curiousgurl29]

How long have you been together? Yes, the honeymoon phase does fade. I actually just read an article about this happening after about two years in the Carolyn Hax column. I think right now you need honest and open (and maybe even a little bit painful) communication. What types of things are you arguing about? Are they serious issues? I think if you examine this further, you may find some answers. Also, you definitely need to work on your sex life. As I have posted before, I think sex is essential to a healthy romantic relationship. Try something new to spice it up! I think, however, it's difficult to be intimate if you feel like you are not being completely real with the person. I would give your relationship a healthy dose of honesty before throwing in the towel

[Sonrisa]

yep, you got it all figured out. he is just a guy and a honeymoon phase is over. there's really nothing else. try not to concentrate on it and just enjoy your time together.

[qwertz]

How long have you been together? Yes, the honeymoon phase does fade. I actually just read an article about this happening after about two years in the Carolyn Hax column. I think right now you need honest and open (and maybe even a little bit painful) communication. What types of things are you arguing about? Are they serious issues? I think if you examine this further, you may find some answers. Also, you definitely need to work on your sex life. As I have posted before, I think sex is essential to a healthy romantic relationship. Try something new to spice it up! I think, however, it's difficult to be intimate if you feel like you are not being completely real with the person. I would give your relationship a healthy dose of honesty before throwing in the towel

We've been together a year now. We don't really row that often at all, when we do its never what i would call a serious row. I've spoke to him a few times about the things that bother me etc and he reassures me at the time but then nothing changes.
We're supposed to be moving in together in the next few months, that wont be happening if i still feel like this.

[Boisdevie]

You need to have a long long chat. BUT if you're not happy, you're arguing and the sex is rubbish then I'd give it a 50:50 chance of succeeding

[bulrush]

Yes it's normal for the end of the honeymoon stage. On the plus side you said you two get along 90% of the time, which is pretty high. But now the emotions are not as high, you see things about him that are less than perfect. And those issues come up more often.

Now the sex thing. Sex is important for bonding and intimacy. So, he does need to put more effort into things. But maybe you can encourage him to put more effort into it by trying new things, wearing sexy lingerie, or trying flavored lubes? Or even toys.

Or make a game out of sex. Watch TV, and each time a character says a keyword, he does something sexual to you. Each time a character says a different keyword, you do something for him. It should last only 30 seconds or so.

[qwertz]

I've done the whole dressing up, turning up at his with nothing but a coat and heels on etc, it always works at the time but normal day to day he never initiates. Its getting tiresome tbh, like just last night i tried to get him in the mood and he wasnt having it, he was too tired apparently- which is BS. He sees sex as not a major factor in a relationship whereas i think it is.

[polyflower]

Would be easier to tell you to LEAVE him, but its easier said than done, and who am I, to say that right?

You are strong. Honestly, do what you feel is right. Whatever your heart is telling you.
But he has to meet you half way. He has to do his bit, and to remember that one day you might get fedup with him, and leave.

Just remember, do your best, if you love him. Tell him he needs to meet you half way.
Life is too short to be worrying about it.
Remember, do what makes you HAPPY

[sookie6]

It sounds a strange advice but if this is a meaningful relationship to you I would encourage you to move in together for a certain period of time. It's sadly the quickest and most effective way to test a relationship. Instead of draggin some issues on and on over time...you will pretty sure know for certain if you are right for each other.

But if the idea of moving in together already fills you with angst ..then I guess you have your answer.

[Charlie Boy II]

A year is quite soon for the honeymoon stage. I've been with my girlfriend for about that, but I feel right in the middle of the honeymoon stage.

[Boisdevie]

If he doesn't initiate then I'd be worried

[Petit Papillon]

Oh qwertey ... Yeah, it's not going to be that pinky anymore . But it's not the main problem . The problem is, even during the honeymoon stage , he wasn't that into sex, i mean,not as much as you ...Don't expect him to improve now ... Dunno what to advice you but , i think you just have to talk to him and ask him to ****ing try cause it's not how you imagine yourself in the future,not even the nearest one . And if you feel like this, don't even think about moving in ,cause if it won't work out, it will be hard for your son again .

[sookie6]

I think a good man is difficult to find...I mean a responsible, caring, well-together man..also someone who is always gonna have your best interests at heart...

Is he financially stable? Would he be a good influence on your son?

His sex drive is not as high as yours but it still exists right?

No man is gonna be perfect anyway...it's a trade-off...there is also something you have not thought about but in maybe 4 to 5 years your libido will start to tickle you much less..I think you are at your pick probably right now...how old is your guy?

So don't throw the towel away for the sex drive mismatch...think about it...you did say you love him...

[Mathias]

So don't throw the towel away for the sex drive mismatch...

I agreed with most of what you said, sookie - but I can't agree here.

If one person feels shafted (heh, heh) when it comes to sex, that's going to be a major driver in other arguments. You lose that sense of intimacy and closeness with the other person (yes, I'm really a guy) that lets you get through the other tough stuff that comes with seeing the same person all day, every day. It's a much bigger deal than this, and something that needs to be taken seriously.

[vashti]

I've done the whole dressing up, turning up at his with nothing but a coat and heels on etc, it always works at the time but normal day to day he never initiates. Its getting tiresome tbh, like just last night i tried to get him in the mood and he wasnt having it, he was too tired apparently- which is BS. He sees sex as not a major factor in a relationship whereas i think it is.

Maybe I just have an abnormally long attention span, but I'd be worried if less than a year into a relationship, I felt the need to be spicing things up in the bedroom.

I don't think you should move in with him... you have your son to think about.