I need help now. Its affecting my emotional well being.

[dc366]

Well, Ive been dating with this woman for about a year now. We had our honeymoon phase for about 5 months. After that things started going south. I need help because this relationship means a lot to me.

She is constantly criticizing and judging me. I have told her that it bothers me when she does that and it also hurts me. When I tell her how I feel her response is either one or all of the following:

I did not do anything.
You are just imagining.
I dont know what you are talking about.
You should see what is wrong with you.
You are arguing. I dont want to talk to you anymore.
I will not allow you to verbally abuse me.
When can we have entertainment?

She then gets upset and leaves more like flees away. She does not acknowledge how I feel let alone take responsibility for her actions. She shows no remorse for her actions. When I stress what she did was wrong and ask her to apologize she says one or all of the following:

Yeah call me an evil bitch.
Listen I will not be abused by your arguing. So Im going to leave you here.
Is this how you entertain yourself?

These responses make the situation even worse. How could a loving woman turn into such unemphatic person? Im perplexed at her responses. I have threatened to leave the relationship but she says "I dont need anyone".

How do I best handle the situation and get her love back?

[Horseyguy]

I don't know why you would even try?

Yeah you love her but judging by her interaction with you I'd say she doesn't feel the same way

[HasteTheDay]

I think some women are super nice during the beginning of the relationship and they're wonderful...but after a certain point (like marriage) their real controlling, selfish sides come out. I think she's beginning to show her true colors. She's comfortable enough with you now. You need to be firm with her: tell her either she is the person you entered the relationship with or you're leaving. If she doesn't care and will let you go...she never did care enough. And you can't MAKE someone care. You just can't. She's seen the real you by now just like you've seen what's probably the real her and she'll either take it or leave it. If she DOES care...she'll plead for you not to go and you can find the root of her behavior or she will agree to stop behaving like a witch and consider someone besides herself. She has to know you mean it. And that's just my take on it...good luck, man.

[dc366]

Thank you, you all make a lot of sense. But I just cant simply say, ok fine Im done with her and moving one with my life. I have tried to break up with her several times. But I keep fulfilling my urges to have someone in my arms and have sex with and I keep going back to her.

Is there a how-to guide to stop having feelings for someone and let go of her from my head?

[HasteTheDay]

Yes, actually. But it's not exactly a 'how to guide'...there are a lot of people who learn to discipline and control their emotions. Like Buddhist Monks or Yogis. But if meditation and all isn't your thing, you'll just have to develop some temporary courage til it's over. Much easier said than done...but that's life. It's rough. If it wasn't rough, humans would be weak animals. Our immune systems need to encounter diseases to become strong. It's kind of like that.

If it's just feelies and sex you want...go to a strip club or something. If you're looking for something deeper...you won't get it from her. You see how selfish she is.

But I understand how difficult it can be when you're suddenly thrust into a place where someone is not who you thought they were. But you've already developed love for them. If that is the case and you don't want to be the one who pulls the trigger on this relationship...for better or for worse...then you'll just have to sit and wait for her to do it. Or until you get fed up enough to do it. One or the other will eventually happen. You seem a sensible man...I'm sure you won't put up with this for 20 years! Just give yourself time.

[Boisdevie]

So she treats you like sh!t and you're prepared to take it because you like having sex - what advice can we possibly give you that will make you see sense - i.e. leave the bitch and find somebody nice

[bulrush]

Much like my ex, she doesn't see how her actions hurt you, and she doesn't have the ability to apologize. What she sees is she did nothing wrong, and it's all "someone else's fault." She would rather be right, than have you in her life. Twisted, isn't it?

I don't think she is strong enough to look inside herself, and see how she is hurting you. Time for you to move on, and limit your damages.

One important aspect of any relationship:
- Learn to say you're sorry, even if you're not, even if you did nothing wrong. Just do it, stop arguing about who is right, and move on.