I really like this girl, on a forum, but am worried I have screwed it up

[Splash100]

I have fallen for this girl on a forum, and I am really chewing up over her.

I am a fan of The Kinks, and I joined up last year in october, after my Grandad died, I guess I just wanted to rant and rave on there with one querstion, but ended up a regular. I live in London, she lives in Eng;and too,not too far.

There is this girl on there, who is beautiful (to me) and intetresting. She has good taste in music and movies, and is intelligent. I started really liking her, then sratted thereads (lol, especially for her to post in) . She did post in them, especially my movie one, and we responded a lot to each other. I have seen her picture on one of her blogs (not that she knows) and she has seen mine on my you tube video.

I sensed in some of her posts that she liked me, not anything suggestive, but some of the wording. Only in a few.

I told one of the older forumers, in her 50's who has been lovley about it, giving me advice. She even guessed who it was I liked before I even told her, as she said she sensed "vibes" between us.

I went away to New York in March, and the week before I went she stopped coming on, and she was off fior a few weeks. It was her birthday when I came back from holiday, as it notifies you in the forum, so I started a birthday thread for her.

When she came back, she started responding to my posts like never before, reccommending me films when I spoke about them, in the threads, replying to my posts even if they were aimless.

One day in April, she posted a message in one of the threads, in public, out of the blue. I never discussed this with her in this thread, but she said this "'@ Night'sBeforeMe (my username),
I read about an event on at the BFI involving 1970's films and there was something about Clint Eastwood and it made me think of you; I cannot remember exactly what it was (an exhibition maybe) but I will try and find the link. I mean it will be at the BFI in London
I am currantly trying to find some interesting classic film events in the UK this year'

As you can imagine, I was pleased with this. We spoke more on the forum. Another time, she pasted a link to you tube, for everyone to see, saying somethuing along the lines of "I know some of you probably have seen this, but here's a tribute to a hundred years of films" I replied with "what an awesome video!" to which she responded " I knew you would like it "

Does she really like me?

But in the past few weeks she has been quiet, but has spoken to me on the forum. But in the past week, she has been dreafully quiet. Have I said something wrong? I have always been polite to her, never been suggestive, etc.

I am too sacred to PM her, for fear she'll tell me to get lost, whichh will mess me up. I grew up with the Kinks, and to liek someone who looks nice, and has a great personality, and likenThe Kinks...means alot to me.

What shall I say in my posts? I know she's still reading them as you can see peoples usernames when they are viewing the thread.

Sorry if I rambled on...any advice wuill be greatly appreciated

Cheers

[Cerby]

As a forum junky myself, I tend to move from forum to forum, leaving ones that get boring behind. I expect this time next year I won't post on this forum at all anymore. If she is the same she might be phasing that forum you're on out.

The truth is that its hard to determine how someone feels through forum posts, let alone PMs, chatting, text, etc. Only once have I ever considered meeting someone I met online, and it actually turned out to be a decent 8 month relationship. If you're into her, you should consider sending her a private message asking to get to know you better (some forums send emails out when PMs are sent). You'll get an honest and straight answer fairly quickly if she is interested.

Forum banter is simply too hard to read to determine if someone likes someone or not.

[Saya]

I agree, just send her a PM and start talking to her more.
She knows that you live in the same country as her and if she's interested in you then she will reply back to your PM and then something good might happen later on.

[Splash100]

Okay guys,

Thanks for your reply. But what do I PM her?? How shall I phrase it?

I find her interestin and a lovely person.

I don't want to sound sleazy, or over romantic, if you know whgat I mean, as we only know each otyer on there.

Cheers

[sookie6]

Splash you can ask people advice but don't ask people what to say...

It's gotta come from your heart.

My take is that she has been the one with the most forward attitude, the post about the 70's movie event was a subtle attempt to see if how you'd react to meet if she made the trip to the event...

Anyway that's just my take...you come across as lovely but very passive in all this affair.

[Splash100]

Here is a draft, LLOL, of the mesage I want to send to her

Is it ok? I would like ideas also


She is into old films, and considers herself to be old fashioned


Hello Melinda,

I really, really hope you don't mind me sending you this message, but one of the other fans said I should do it, so I will be honest

I joined this forum last october, after a tragedy in my family, only to post one question, to which I got a lot of replies. I never did expect I would become a regular on this site.

I am sorry if this sounds strange, but when I made my first few posts, I found your replies witty and encouraging, and the pictures in your avatar and your screen name really stood out for me . And through reading your posts, and your taste in films,I find you to be a really interesting and delightful person, especially after I opened up the adore on the screen thread.

I think your choice in films is really refreshing, I watched Some Like It Hot, when you recommended it to me once, and the light ness of it really gave me a happy feeling inside. I never told you at the time, as I didn't want to seem extreme

When you pasted that film link for me it really made me happy, and I am sorry I never returned the favour by giving you some links like I said I would, but my phone can't copy and paste those, and I hardly use my laptop at the moment.

I like you a lot Melinda, and I know we have never met, etc, but as a forumer, I think your great

I really hope I didn't sound extreme here, and I really hope I haven't annoyed with this message

Michael

[Cerby]

That is way way too much.

I would make sure not to say "I like you alot" on there, it comes across as desperate, and the "I hope I haven't annoyed you" comes across as insecure. I'd shorten it considerably to something like

"Hey, I feel like we've made a connection on the forum, and since we live so close together, why don't we try getting together for a coffee?"

[Splash100]

here is my last draft, altered to what Cerby told me

Hello Melinda,

I really, really hope you don't mind me sending you this message, but one of the other fans said I should do it, so I will be honest

I joined this forum last october, after a tragedy in my family, only to post one question, to which I got a lot of replies. I never did expect I would become a regular on this site.

I have noticed you havent really answered my posts the last two weeks, and wondered if I have done anything wrong. If I have upset you in one of the threads, I am awfully sorry

I am sorry if this sounds strange, but when I made my first few posts, I found your replies witty and encouraging, and the pictures in your avatar and your screen name really stood out for me . And through reading your posts, and your taste in films,I find you to be a really interesting and delightful person, especially after I opened up the adore on the screen thread.

I think your choice in films is really refreshing, I watched Some Like It Hot, when you recommended it to me once, and the light ness of it really gave me a happy feeling inside. I never told you at the time, as I didn't want to seem extreme

When you pasted that GH link for me it really made me happy, and I am sorry I never returned the favour by giving you some links like I said I would, but my phone can't copy and paste those, and I hardly use my laptop at the moment.

Hey, I feel like we've made a connection on the forum, and since we live so close together, why don't we try getting together for a coffee?

Michael





I hope shes alright with me.

[Sonrisa]

is this for real?

[Saya]

If I was you, I would try to get to know her by PMing her... so just a simple letter.
In your letter, I think it is way too much...you should make it more simple and short, and I wouldn't ask her out to coffee just yet since you might scare her off.

[doppelgaenger]

I think he's for real.

Listen, Splash, I have direct experience with this kind of situation. I'm a regular here, and I met a girl on THIS forum. We had a relationship for two years. She was from Former Yugoslavia, I am American, and she was 6 years older than me. I went to visit her three times during those two years, and we spent about 7 months total together IRL. The rest of that time was spent chatting on Skype - we were both in school during that time.

I don't remember how it all started and I don't know what made me so desperate to pursue her, but what I can tell you, is that it was a waste - apart from extrinsic experiences, it was all a waste of time, money, and effort. The first time we met, I should have realized and accepted that it wasn't going to work out. She was completely different than I thought she would be. We fought so much after we met in person, that I knew it wouldn't work out for over a year. I deceived myself. I kept trying anyway, because I didn't want to lose what I invested in already, and suddenly, I had already blown $8k on a girl who treated me like shit. I could write a little anecdote about the time she whipped a lotion bottle at my head because she embarrassed herself in front of her family by spilling a drop of Martini on a white table cloth, or perhaps the time where she started strangling me and beat me in my sleep because she logged onto my Facebook and found female friends on my account, or a thousand other miserable details of my repressed memories of her, but I'll spare you that, because I think I've made my point, and just give you the advice.

What did I learn from all that?... well, if you really want to meet someone, whether it's out of desperation, attraction, or love... even if you met this person on the internet, you will meet them, no matter what your friends, family, or internet peers say, even if the risks involve getting kicked out and living as a second-class citizen in a foreign country, for weeks, out of your suitcase in a shitty hostel. I wish I had the capacity to realize all this three years ago. They say hindsight is 20/20.

I hope you can learn from my mistakes, even if you do decide to give it a go. And by the way, your risks don't seem as great in this situation as mine were, but that doesn't change the outcome of regret. If you pursue this relationship, just know when enough is enough. Drop it at the first sign of trouble, no matter what the cost is. Life is too short for all the bullshit. I'll leave you with that to ponder.

[RdHrshyKss]

please, please, please don't send that message to her. the first line makes me wince. you start off the whole message sounding really insecure. why are you asking her if it's ok for you to send her a PM? it makes you sound really desperate. you should consider this first message to her like an IM. when you're on aim or skype or gchat or whatever you talk to people on, do you write out a long message in a letter format like that? i think not.

keep it simple and talk about the things you guys talk about on the forums. send her a PM discussing this event she mentioned in that post. send messages back and forth for a little while and then offer her your e-mail/screen name/etc. now it doesn't matter if she's phasing out of the forum, you'll have a form of contact not related to the forum that she probably checks more regularly. don't make your first initiation at PM'ing her so formal. keep it short, simple, and sweet and let it grow from there. you don't need to lay everything out on the table right off the get go. and i wouldn't mention meeting until you guys have established enough contact back and forth. just relax and go with the flow...don't get too engulfed in the whole thing too fast or you will definitely scare her off.

[Sonrisa]

I think he's for real.

Listen, Splash, I have direct experience with this kind of situation. I'm a regular here, and I met a girl on THIS forum. We had a relationship for two years. She was from Former Yugoslavia, I am American, and she was 6 years older than me. I went to visit her three times during those two years, and we spent about 7 months total together IRL. The rest of that time was spent chatting on Skype - we were both in school during that time.

I don't remember how it all started and I don't know what made me so desperate to pursue her, but what I can tell you, is that it was a waste - apart from extrinsic experiences, it was all a waste of time, money, and effort. The first time we met, I should have realized and accepted that it wasn't going to work out. She was completely different than I thought she would be. We fought so much after we met in person, that I knew it wouldn't work out for over a year. I deceived myself. I kept trying anyway, because I didn't want to lose what I invested in already, and suddenly, I had already blown $8k on a girl who treated me like shit. I could write a little anecdote about the time she whipped a lotion bottle at my head because she embarrassed herself in front of her family by spilling a drop of Martini on a white table cloth, or perhaps the time where she started strangling me and beat me in my sleep because she logged onto my Facebook and found female friends on my account, or a thousand other miserable details of my repressed memories of her, but I'll spare you that, because I think I've made my point, and just give you the advice.

What did I learn from all that?... well, if you really want to meet someone, whether it's out of desperation, attraction, or love... even if you met this person on the internet, you will meet them, no matter what your friends, family, or internet peers say, even if the risks involve getting kicked out and living as a second-class citizen in a foreign country, for weeks, out of your suitcase in a shitty hostel. I wish I had the capacity to realize all this three years ago. They say hindsight is 20/20.

I hope you can learn from my mistakes, even if you do decide to give it a go. And by the way, your risks don't seem as great in this situation as mine were, but that doesn't change the outcome of regret. If you pursue this relationship, just know when enough is enough. Drop it at the first sign of trouble, no matter what the cost is. Life is too short for all the bullshit. I'll leave you with that to ponder.

my kind of girl! go CC! I beat up my man when they need to be disciplined!

[doppelgaenger]

my kind of girl! go CC! I beat up my man when they need to be disciplined!

Sure, sometimes men deserve to be slapped, but I'll bet you a million dollars she will never have a satisfactory love life. She is a completely miserable and insatiable person. She was never happy with anything (I'm not exaggerating), and she wanted to drag everyone down to her level - I watched her do it to everyone. I felt especially sorry for her father... he had to put up with the mom, too!

[Splash100]

Thanks very, very, much for your replies.

Because of her quietness, I just want to post, ON LY ONCE THOUGH, a few posts between me and this girl, and ask you guys if I had said anythung wrong or too much. People I have asked have told me I havent said anything wrong

I will only show posts between me and her once, as I wouldnt want to clog this thread up with boring convos.....

the first one is from her:

I just made a kind of typo or sentence error myself. I meant NOW we are at a point where men don't know whether they are coming or going. I, myself, like lots of old fashioned romanticism. Yet you get a lot of modern women who, if men hold a door open in the old fashioned manner, they moan. Yet if men didn't do that, women would STILL moan that they are not gentlemanly.
There's no mystery at all now as they just take their clothes off and they're considered sexy. Rita Hayworth took off a glove seventy years ago whilst dancing and singing and that was what got the men going - now THAT was what sexy should be! What's the point if there is nothing to imagine or fantasise about (if you are a man!!)?

I also think that the other thing these days is obsession with freedom of speech. We moan that it is lacking and yet here we are on the internet saying this and that everyday.
I mean, some of the things you read on the internet are horrific and the level of manners is appalling. Anyone can start a blog and write a review of something. Now you don't have to be a so-called critic or journalist to do that.

I then went on to say this:

Yes, the modern standards are making us lazy, the downloading of music, the texting (I will fone u l8ter 4 a chat) rather than (I will phone you later for a chat), the latter I always use. They are just two examples. And I agree, Vivien Leigh , just standing in a beautiful dress, or Judy Garland or someone dancing away for example, is a lot more appealing in a film than Penelope Cruz, Paris Hilton stripping the lot off and jumping on the guy in every other scene. Men have become less gentlemany I think, one of the reasons, because the way the modern film culture has influenced them, but I may be wrong about that. Yes old romantism is lovelier than todays idea of 'love' People have become less feeling, and more materialistic

I think seeing a film at the pictures, or going to a concert, or even going on holiday had more exciting feeling about it years ago, even up to the 80's maybe, as it wasnt as easily accessible as it is now. You can go onto You Tube and watch most of what you want, you can download a film, DVD's (I am not knocking these, but with out VHS or DVD imagine the excite,ent people had in the early days when going out for the day to the pictures), and also the downloading of music. My dad even says he would rather hold a book, than gather up information on the internet, lol, although I have argued with him that you can get a lot more information on the internet than in a book. But maybe he is right, lol.