do i still have a chance...i'm confused

[midnight_fairy]

I was really into this guy I was seeing a few months ago. I thought it was real and that he really did want to be with me. Then he basically stopped talking to me one day. Needless to say I was really hurt. We work together and I had to sit back and watch him flirt with other people. It hurt like hell. Anyway I finally did get over it enough to look him in the face again and we got to where we talked on a friendly level again. I still feel the connection though....and I know he does too because of the way he still looks at me. He ended up getting someone else pregnant....but I know they're not together right now and I can't help it....when he asked for my number I gave it to him again...I never texted him though. So stuff stayed that way for a while....then he actually did start texting me a little bit here and there....hinting at hanging out but I didn't.....then finally last weekend I did. I'm so stupid we got really drunk and all of those feelings came rushing back so we're like making out and he says that he's going to have to end up with the person he's having a kid with because he doesn't want to be a deadbeat dad but he's not happy about ending up with her. He kept saying it was really hard not to hook up with me but he knows we'll get attached and that he hurt me blah blah blah....so nothing ended up happening.....I woke up there and left while he was still asleep. I know this makes me sound crazy....but do I still have a chance with him if I really tried? I think I love him this sucks so hard. Why do I have to be so forgiving?

[mhyzkie]

Being forgiving is actually not a bad thing ... It's natural for you to feel that way especially if you really like the guy ... however before you think about having a chance with him i would suggest to think about the pros and cons first of being with him ... remember that he's gonna have a kid, not that it would be a hindrance but things would be different between the two of you. You gotta accept everything about him ... his responsibilities and obligations ... whether its a good thing or a bad thing ...Now if you think you could handle it and yer ready for anything that might happen then go for it ... keep in touch with him and go with the flow, now it would be up to him if he's going to choose to stay with you or not ... whatever his decision would be accept it.

Hope I made sense ... Relax and dont worry too much. Sometimes if you think too much you can't hear what your heart is really telling you...

[steviej]

He'll just do the same thing to you again, and if he doesn't, it won't stop your paranoia that he'll do it! He doesn't deserve a second chance. This is all very easy to say though, it's a different kettle of fish when emotions and feelings are involved!
Try and look at it from outside and ask yourself if this really is the kind of guy you want to be with when he sh1t on you so badly.

[KelE]

It could start a vicious cycle. He has already left you once, with no explanation. You don't owe him anything just because he screwed his own life up. I've been in this situation and what you're considering doing is probably cause by the "what If" complex. What if we belong together. What if everything fell in to place somehow. What if this other relationship hadn't happened and therefore no kid on the way. It's an imagined fairytale. You can keep trying to recreate it with the same guy and he'll always be the same character that makes the fairytale crash and burn. Then you feel like you have more time in and you'll want to just try harder. Thus creating the vicious cycle. Hope that made sense. It will just hurt more in the end. What I would try to remember is that all of the elements that could have made the relationship work were there originally and he didn't capitalize on that and he probably won't the second, third, fourth chance you give him.

[midnight_fairy]

thanks for the replies. work was so hard last night. i could tell he was upset....i don't know what to do. and to make matters worse i think people know....so now i'm a bad person for messing around with someone with a kid on the way. i've never been involved with cheating before....and it's not so simple we WERE together and i still have feelings for him and it's not like we actually had sex. i am an idiot for putting myself in this situation and all i can think about it trying to find a way to get him to see me again. i know if i tried he probably would....we will both end up hurt though...and me most of all. sometimes i wish i could just find someone new.

[RdHrshyKss]

you can find someone new. you just have to be patient. honestly, it's never a good idea to get involved with someone you work with. a few years back my ex and i had a bit of a falling out and decided to take a break from our relationship. i was new at work and there was this guy who was also new. we had training together and ended up talking and hitting it off a bit. we hung out a couple times outside of work and ended up hooking up. we would talk online all the time and then suddenly it stopped one day. he wouldn't respond or would be really, really vague and distant. needless to say, i found out that he had been going out on dates with my boss that whole time. it took me awhile to come to grips with the fact that the guy was an asshole and there was no reason for me to like him at all. funny thing is that they are now engaged lol. i still can't really look him in the eye. we'll say hi and bye if we end up walking past each other, but i've pretty much kept my distance...no reason for me to communicate with the guy.

so, i know it sucks when things turn out like this. you have feelings for the guy and it's always hard trying to be realistic when things are exciting. but there ARE plenty of fish in the sea. you don't NEED to get involved with this guy. yeah, it might be easy because you guys have already established a connection...but like others have said, he is most likely not going to end up being the person that you hope he would. i'd try really hard to distance yourself from him. get yourself back out into the dating scene and find a guy who doesn't have so much baggage and is looking for a relationship. i have a bunch of friends that did the whole online dating thing and had great results. you can pick and choose between guys that match what you are looking for. hell, i might give it a shot myself soon.

[midnight_fairy]

i agree with what you're saying. it's just that a lot of guys are interested in me that i feel nothing for...and i actually feel something in this case. i just can't get over it. i didn't realize how hurt i really was about him expecting a child with someone else until the other day when we hung out. really brought all of these hurt feelings back.