Long distance relationship woes

[SwampDonkey47]

Separated by 55-miles the 2-years of our relationship have been up and down more times than a rollercoaster - and with much more physical stress. Every time the pattern is the same; small argument, she goes off for head space to contemplate whether she wants to be with me or not, I get fed up sitting on the fence and end it, 2-days to 4-weeks later she is back. Nothing changes except the fact that I'm getting more used to it - there's only so many times you can lead a man to the gallows before he says sod it just hang me!!! There's no stability and without it I can't see any future with her. At present we have split up again. I don't want to get back with her but don't feel I have the emotional strength to say no. I love her, but know it's not right.

My question is, what's all this about? Why does she keep questioning the relationship? Am I missing something?

[Boisdevie]

It just is not working is it? So why not just end it? Or are you too scared?

[smackie9]

It's the fact that it's long distance. There are those who stand by LDRs, I don't for this very reason ....instability. Relationships need physical interaction to form a deep bond....that's where trust comes from. When you don't have that trust, things start to waver and fall apart.

You have two choices here, either one of you relocate to be together or end it and date locally.

[Petit Papillon]

Is it a LDR from the beginning? Do you both have some date set up when you no longer will be in LDR ? This all is important . Also how often do you see each other ? I am currently in a LDR after almost 2 years of living together with my bf. We just decided that I need to go back to study , to be able to support the family together with my bf . We also set the date that as soon as I get my bachelor , we move in together , I also learn french now in case we move to France . Plus we see each other at least once a month , plus we spend all the free time, holidays, christmas and so together . In the end we spend at least 5 out of 12 months together which helps keeping it cool . And TRUST , trust is very important . So in your case, you either meet not too often, or there was a cheating issue in your relationship or you just don't have any plan for the future so she gets frustrated and doesn't know if it's even worth being in this relationship . And seriously I don't see a reason to be in a LDR if it's not for studying or working somewhere (but just for some period of time ) . And of course it's always better to bond before going apart , cause you will not feel as much attachment to someone who you grew attached to for some longer time as to a person you know only for few weeks (in real life ) . True story .

[SwampDonkey47]

The problem is we both have young children. Hers are at school there, mine here. They both need to stay where they are to be near the other parent so we discussed the fact that it could be like this for another 10-years before we get a chance to get together properly. The problem is that without the stability how can I possibly think of living with her? If her answer to everything is take a break a re-evaluate everything what chance do we stand in the long run? There is trust there, but it's been dented a few times by her lying to me about contact with her ex at the start of the relationship but fundamentally I trust her and rather ironically, the more we split up, the more trust I have because she has ample opportunity to let it go and didn't do so (perhaps until now). I'd just like it to be normal? Is that too much to ask from an LDR? We would spend most weekends together, sometimes alone and sometimes with the children, and we'd get holiday time and some time in the week that I created by changing my shift patterns. I get frustrated with the plans for the future too, but I don't do what she does. Is it a woman thing to do the head-space break thing?

Is it a LDR from the beginning? Do you both have some date set up when you no longer will be in LDR ? This all is important . Also how often do you see each other ? I am currently in a LDR after almost 2 years of living together with my bf. We just decided that I need to go back to study , to be able to support the family together with my bf . We also set the date that as soon as I get my bachelor , we move in together , I also learn french now in case we move to France . Plus we see each other at least once a month , plus we spend all the free time, holidays, christmas and so together . In the end we spend at least 5 out of 12 months together which helps keeping it cool . And TRUST , trust is very important . So in your case, you either meet not too often, or there was a cheating issue in your relationship or you just don't have any plan for the future so she gets frustrated and doesn't know if it's even worth being in this relationship . And seriously I don't see a reason to be in a LDR if it's not for studying or working somewhere (but just for some period of time ) . And of course it's always better to bond before going apart , cause you will not feel as much attachment to someone who you grew attached to for some longer time as to a person you know only for few weeks (in real life ) . True story .

[SwampDonkey47]

Yes I'm scared. Have you seen the selection of women available for a middle-aged man in the UK?

[Petit Papillon]

Yeah well, there are more cons than pros to be honest ... 10 years is a hell of a time! I guess you're from same country.. Couldn't she just discuss it with the father of the children or you with the mother of your kids if it would be a possibility to move a bit ? I mean, you both could meet the half way.

Wait I just checked... 55 miles? 88 km ? It's seriously nothing!! It's what I do everyday to go to a university lol If my bf lived so close I wouldn't even consider it a LDR Can't you two just move in together somewhere in between? Then her kids will have only 40 km to see their father ( Is what, 20 min by car?) and vice versa? Since your gf doesn't live with her ex anymore, it shouldn't be a big shock for her kids or yours , choose one, to move somewhere . They are still young and I'm sure they would meet new friends in a blink of an eye. But yeah it would be all yeah before you two started to have issues .. Now on the other hand, I don't know if it's very smart to move in together if you two aren't even sure of this relationship ;..

[Boisdevie]

55 miles is not LDR - I live 80 miles from my GF and don't consider it a LDR - depending on the roads you can be with her in 60 or 90 minutes.

[deepika_16]

It is better to end this relationship. For how long are you going to stretch this relationship. If you both are not happy with each other then end it. Its a long distance relationship and you both are not able manage it. You have to tell her that there is no future of this relationship as you both fight a lot and you want to break up with her as you are very irritated of this type of situations.[URL="http://myboyisanidiot.com"]Here[/URL] is a nice place to visit for the right solution of this kind of problems.