I know I am not crazy...but she is all over the map.

[Toddstar]

I know my posts in the past sound irrational…but I can't help that think my ex (who I would run back to in a minute if given the chance) is playing silly games with me. As mentioned, we do share a son. I got a text from her yesterday saying a piece of mail had arrived at her home for me (how is that possible? I never lived there!), I asked her to throw it out, I didn’t even want to know what it was. She then asked how I was feeling (recent surgery) but at this point I went in to a meeting and couldn’t reply right away. Not 10 minutes later I get another text from her saying "Fine! I won't ask about your well being anymore". I responded an hour later and said I was fine, thank you, I was in a meeting. No response from her.

This morning she emails me and tells me when I pick up my son on Friday she will help me put him in his car seat and that she's sure that my girlfriend and I will be ok the rest of the weekend. The thing is she doesn’t know whether or not I have a girlfriend.

I really am trying to get on with my life, I don’t ask her about her boyfriends, I don’t need to think of this all day…I truly believe she knows what she's doing by making little remarks, trying to keep me on some line for when she decides she wants to come back to me. She goes from getting angry I don’t text back fast enough to being super kind the next day and then throwing in the "girlfriend" comment, fishing for info? She is all over the map with her comments and probably her emotions.

Yeah, I waste enough time on this matter as we all tend to do and yeah, I am sure most of you will tell me I am being immature and I am game playing but truth be told I AM trying to move on and I feel with these comments/texts/emails she is slowing me down. I want to believe I am strong enough to overcome this but I am not sure anymore.

Anyone know what I mean?

[DarkHelmet82]

why did you guys break up... i dont recall? did you end it with her?

[Toddstar]

We sorta both ended it in a fight; we reconciled in January after 3 months apart (she was seeing someone and broke it off because she had feelings for me) and I didnt think I had resentment about it but I did so we got into a big fight after one month and one week later she was on a dating site meeting men. I sent letters, cards, emails, texts...all saying please dont leave me, I love you, lets raise our family. She ignored them all. And then one day I just sorta woke up and let it go as much as I could. I still need to let it go more but I do feel little comments are holding me back. Maybe it is me.

[DarkHelmet82]

well maybe she wants to get back with you? maybe you should talk to her about it? Say, something like "im getting mixed signals from you. If you want to be with me cool. But if not, I think if could communicate as little as possible it would be appreciated because I need to heal."

[Toddstar]

Truth? I am too scared to ask. I am too scared if she says yes or no, I am not sure at this point I could handle either. It sounds like I am moaning on this forum, I may be so, but its helping me immensely to talk about it.

[DarkHelmet82]

no worries.. you should see my rants... lol.. well i think for you to heal you NEED to find out... if you dont want too then you need to move on.

[steviej]

Don't give her the satisfaction. She has seen you've moved on and hasn't liked it, it's probably made her jealous because you've stopped begging her back. You need more of a spine with this girl, don't fold so easy but don't get angry either. Keep calm and confident, she won't like it.
She's been off with other men, do you really want her back?!

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah i find the calm and confident thing works.. unfortunetly i suck at it.. and when i try to do it i make myself to look like an ahole.. hopefully you are better at it then I am...but I agree with stevie

[Toddstar]

No, I dont REALLY want her back (I am sure she is bad for me and I know shes been with multiple other men) but I know I would become self defeating and run back to her if she gave me the sign. I do need to grow a spine and stay calm and collected. And continue making pros and cons spreadsheets as to WHY she is bad for me! (yeah, I am type A).

[DarkHelmet82]

then you should ask her to stop contacting you unless its necessary.

[Toddstar]

We share a son; I have been very clear to her about keeping it to just about him but she ALWAYS strays out and asks about my personal life. Well...time to man up and make a decision I guess.

[DarkHelmet82]

i know you do.. thats why unless it involves him ask her to please keep contact minimal... good luck dude

[HeartIsAching]

You're not the immature game-player, she is.

She's playing control games with you - the text thing is a great example. You didn't respond the way she wanted you to, so she pulled out the ol' "Isolation" game by threatening to not talk to you anymore. She later realized that she has no leverage, no power, and tried to make nice. The comment about the girlfriend is a passive-aggressive way of asking whether or not you have a GF yet.

Frankly, if you care about her and want her back, she's ripe for it, but I'd try to get her to get some counseling. If you don't, you can safely ignore it and live your life.

[Toddstar]

HeartIsAching, wow. That summed it up quite nicely. I think you are absolutely right. I imagine I could get her back but old cycles and patterns will emerge and in 3 months I'd be back here again. No, this time I am safely ignoring and living my life. WOW! I cant believe I just wrote that. I AM moving on...slowly. Thank you all!!!

[Purrzzzzzz]

why does everyone worry about the ranting? thats why we are here.. if people dont want to read it, guess what? they dont have to!