I did do the right thing by asking ( i feel somthings wrong)

[oldskool83]

hi everyone,

recently with in the last week or so ive noticed my g/f was not herself. There have been some stressfull things happan at her work, new position, tons of overtime, etc. on top of having a soon to be 6 year old daughter, home chores and then me.

I noticed she was really tired alot, kinda burned out. she stated to me next week (period week was gonna be worst its been in along while) im fine with all that stuff. With that being said i noticed she seemed to pull back from nearly everything we did or said, it started to bother me i was going to bed by myself which has been not the norm in the last 3 months.

Last night she seemed in a happier more talkative mood but towards the end of the night i found myself feeling along while we all watched tv, her, daugher and myself. after 2 hours of no talking ect i said im going to bed, got up gave her a kiss and said id like if you would come to bed tonight. norm shes been passing out with her daugher on the sofa or in her room...which has not been whats been normal for the last 3 months either.

about 5 mins later i got outta bed and went out to her wispered in her ear, when you do come to bed can i please talk with you for 5 mins...she seemed suprized like she did somthing.

I flat out asked in bed last night, babe i feel somthing not right, is everything ok with you. i cant figure out what it is but somthing off. i then asked if it was me. she said yes but in directly. i stay over everynight, been for the last 3 months. she said somthing to the point of she was use to it only being her daugher and her. I flat out asked do you want me gone. she said no. I asked alot more then, nor preshuring her but asked do you want me to remove my things from here, said no no you dont have to but its up to me. I said i would prefere to keep them here if i could and she said thats fine. she kinda feels shes not getting alot of time to spend with her daugher (and yes its true)...altho working prob a good 50-60 hours a week (7 days) is not gonna give you that i had said. eailer at the beining of this month she said its gonna be a stressfull month and i prob wouldnt get alot of time to do things with her on weekends. i had no problem withthat because i see her everyday, i thought im lucky nuff to be able to do that and i value it alot. so i was prepared it was gonna be a bad month if you wanna say.

she said how about every other day, id sleep over. 1st i was not the one who decided id stay everynight. she had wanted me over, told me i should just come ever everynight for dinner etc. I was a little set back by this, i didnt sleep much and ended up calling off word today, already work 48 hours a week as it is in 5 days. i needed a break. Shes not one to talk too much about feelings, that i knew right away. I can normaly tell her feelings by her actions. She has no problems with me being her bf, likes my company, values me helping her child with homeword everynight. She said she didnt know if she was ready to basicly have me there full time pretty much, even thought ive been for 3 months. I know there are alot of factors...her working a good 20 hours more a week then 2 months ago, late hours, house work, no time for daugher etc.

Did i do the right thing by expressing a concern and wanting to know what was going on? She said she would of eventualy told me but i dont know when that could of been, maybe a week or 2 after the pressure got to her? Im not one to free load around her place, i cook, put dishes away, that kinda stuff make the bed when i can.

I told her i really like her and i do care about her weather she knows that or could figure it out by my actions. I know its always easy to take leaps forward and harder to take a step backwards. I dont feel her every other day thing is alot to ask for, i will miss the interaction with her and her child the days i do not see them. I have grown attched, not obsessed, just form an emotional attachment towards her package deal.

this morning when i left, she hug kissed, all the normal stuff. i know she senced i was a put down alittle, i think anyone would be. I said just let me know when you want me over. tonight she will be spending time alone and prob go back into work to finish up some things before next week. I would just like some advice if i did the right thing by owning up to my feelings and asking.

Also is there anything anyone things i could posibly do to help the situation? a few months ago she said she keeping me around and my time to run was past. I think that ment she and her daugher had formed some type of attchment with me and i was a good person, everyone told her to keep me. Maybe i am over reacting? i havent had the best of luck this year and she found me and we instantly hit it off good. I would just like to keep her in my life. I told her i know her daughers always gonna be number one and id be number 2, im fine with that. I am not selfish to think i need all the me time because when im over there we are not always together. There are days i need to come home work on stuff and id be over later. or i play with her kid while she was doing laundry or cleaning.

Eitherway i have grown very fond of her, i wont say i am in love but i am realizing i have strong feelings for her and believe i prob am starting to fall for her.

any advice would be nice, unless anyone feels ive already done the right thing to let her have some time alone and still have me. maybe this has happened with other single moms if so let me know. Im a very eary go with the fly type of person, shes 28 and im 27, she only 6 months older then me so i feel we are on the same page about a loft of things.

thanks.

[oldskool83]

anyones thoughts?

[Cerby]

Sure, I can weigh in on this one with a little experience (the girl had a puppy, not a child, but the situation comes out the same).

What has happened I think is that now you've become a part of her life, and the one she knew before you is slipping away. The one where it was just her and her daughter getting by. She is now at a point where you're there all the time, and although she probably likes it, she also desires that time that she used to have to herself. I think seeing someone 7 days a week is a bit much if you're not living together, and personally I'd go crazy if I didn't get a couple of nights a week to myself.

My situation was with an ex, we were sleeping over at my place quite a bit around the time we had been together for 4 months (5+ days a week) and then she bought a puppy, and all of a sudden, she wasn't staying over AT ALL anymore, and I wasn't able to stay at her place anymore either because she wanted to be alone with her new baby. . .I mean puppy. This actually went on for several months, and I think at one point we went 3 months without having a sleepover (and the sex suffered too). I persevered, communicated with her, and almost did end it. But eventually when she found a way to combine all the factors of her life, we went back to normal and dated for almost 2 more years.

So if you can compare to that, you have a great girl who has a higher priority than you, and its starting to become apparent that although you're liked, you might want to consider giving her some time to embrace her daughter alone, and just respect it. Backing off a touch can be hard, but usually pays off if you can do it without becoming clingy and needy.


Oh, and ALWAYS voice your concerns, if you didn't, she would have harboured what she told you and it would have become resentment.

[SwampDonkey47]

It sounds like she just needs some space and I think you should give it to her. She's having to cope with being pulled in all directions, work, daughter, home, you and lets face it, you're the only one that can be pushed away. Don't take it personally, she is just tired and needs a break from things. You clearly spend a lot of time thinking about how best to please her and I've no doubt she does too - but pile this on top of other committments and you've got one stressed out woman. As hard as it is, you have to give her space and time. Not only that, you have to do it with a smile on your face because if you don't, that will also be stressful. Perhaps the best piece of advice I've ever been given, as corny as it is, it patience is a virtue. You have to do the opposite of what you think you should do which is distance yourself a little. I don't think there's anything wrong with your relationship, I've been through this lots of times. Give her space and she will come to you.

[oldskool83]

thanks for the replys. I didnt text her at all yesterday either. I wanted to but i didnt want to be clingly. she did text me later around 7pm i think asking how my day way, i replyed, send me another one about going to her friends, i replyed to that. thats all i heard outta her. I woke up this am thinking maybe i should text good morning or have a good day but prob i shouldnt. my friend last night said let her come to me. Im fine with that just dont know at what point ill get a text sayign come over...id hope its somtime this weekend but thats me being selfish prob.

the life she was use to yes i can fully understand that. the life i was use to before i met her with living fulltime with my gf of 2 years. i was very hesitant to start seeing her due to only being broken up with my ex 1 month, but i figured se came to me and found me and i should take the chance.

my friend last night said women think with emothions and not there minds. i dunno if thats the case here or not. i kinda feel bad for opening up my mouth but i do know early on she said she was not good with expression feelings and things to that sort. there was a time id see her and say you look good in that and i get told to shut up and shed hid her head. now i say somthing nice and shes smiles and says thanks.

the hole texting thing is odd, but i need to not bug, i dont wanna push anyone away if i honestly did nothing wrong. I know the give her space thing can seem like im getting ignored, maybe to a point i am. I just wish i knew what women are thinking when they wanna know about your day and then kinda back off again.

if anyone else has any thoughts please share. im a bit of a information and hog. i just really like to learn about things and the what and whys when things happen.

i know i shouldnt take this personal but it is somthing that not that great to swallow, i keep replaying i my mind to see if i did somthing but nothing come up. had some some dates planed to go places and id hope thats still on. im prob on high alert because of being burned by my ex so when i saw somthing happen with my new gf my awareness and emotions went on high alert.

[oldskool83]

anyone else, would love to hear more from a womans point of view.

[lorrainecook201]

i think you are a great partner. just give her time and the space that she want.

[oldskool83]

been trying to keep busy, sent a text last night around 9, got one back then around mid night, she seemed to put emotion on the text, exclimation points, wrote alot more then normal told me about the day, said had to get back to bed to be up for work early, got a good night and a smiley face. im just in time out over in the corner, she seemed alot happer at least from text but she fell asleep early evening and only work up at 12:30am when i got a text then. so i think im doing the right things, hopefully monday or tuesday ill be able to see her then and her daugher.

[oldskool83]

is there a time frame of this space thing i gotta realize? say not hearing from someone in an entire day? just wondering at what lenght it could look like i dont care or what not. This is kinda starting to get to me since i havent seen her since friday morning and he lives all but 2 miles away from me. guess im just trying how to sort thru all this and keep my self calm. i dont like being placed in time out. any advice, id still like to hear more from some women.

[IncognitoSir]

is there a time frame of this space thing i gotta realize? say not hearing from someone in an entire day? just wondering at what lenght it could look like i dont care or what not. This is kinda starting to get to me since i havent seen her since friday morning and he lives all but 2 miles away from me. guess im just trying how to sort thru all this and keep my self calm. i dont like being placed in time out. any advice, id still like to hear more from some women.

You need to get out and get busy man. You have too much time to sit around and ponder this thing. It's really hard to adjust to something so different after it's been a certain way for such a long time. It's gonna take some getting use to. Go work out, it's a great stress reliever and it's good for you. Helps to clear your mind, helps you to sleep better, it just helps. The longer you stay in your head like this, the worst you're gonna feel. For now, let her set the pace of the relationship.......as of right now, from what I've read, you're good. She's still communicating, you're not being over baring, giving her space and being patient. Just get yourself occupied with other tings and you'll be fine. G'luck

[oldskool83]

i sent her a text this am asking if she wanted to take a walk today, i heard back then shes cleaning and playing withher kid today so if she has time later she said maybe cuz she wanted to take the kid to the park. yeah it taking getting use to big time, i own a home so i normaly always have somthing to do, its just with 4 days off i kinda did alot of my things i wanted to get done in the last couple months. at since its 90+ out side its limiting me to inside cuz riding the motorcycle is getting old now. i have no distractions here, no dog or nothing, she got a dog and a kid so its easier for her to be busy and not as easy for me cuz normaly im always doing nothing, just bored or fixing house up when i got the extra money.

[oldskool83]

figured id give an update. I got a text from her at 7pm sayin sorry its late but shes taking the kid to the park and wanted to know if i wanted to stop over for a few. i said yes i would like that and we spent an hour there. she told me about her weekend, vented some about her work and the kids father. dust came and they were kicking people out of the park so i said by to her kid and the kid wanted my hand. i hugged her and kissed her said just let me konw when you want me to come over. also asked about some stuff there im kinda out of here at my house so she was gonna look and get me some stuff i needed. when i hugged her she put her head on my chest like she always did, kinda giggle and i said im glad i got to see ya, i also said i did miss ya too. she smiled and giggles some, think said i know. she just spend all weekend cleaning stuff out and withthe kid so i guess the space thing is working. im very glad i got to see her and her child, guess that hour spend today i valued alot, even said i liked what she had on to wear. i just acked like i always do, calm and happy.