Is sex a good enough reason to dump someone?

[salena]

my boyfriend and i are going on almost 10 months now. obviously we're past that dating stage where we're all giddy around each other and the romance has gone down. however, we only have sex maybe once every 2 weeks and it really bothers me b/c I'm the one whose always initiating it and he always rejects me and tells me that his too tired. truth is, he's told me it's b/c his gained weight and he just can not have sex anymore without feeling like his going to have a heart attack (plus he always drinks and smokes) his only 26 and i'm 20 so i don't think it's really normal to be like this already - most guys my age always want to have sex.

is this a reason for me to leave him? it really bothers me and i can't imagine marrying someone who is going to be like this forever. i think sex is really important in a relationship and it sometimes makes me feel like he isnt attracted to me anymore b/c we're always together.

[surfhb]

You're not fulfilled in the relationship so...yes. Sex is half a relationship so , Yes, thats a good reason not to be with someone. He's an alcoholic and a smoker too...Strike 3.

[SwampDonkey47]

Yes absolutely it is. I was in the same situation in a marriage. Being the one that initiates it all the time takes a lot of the joy out of it and after a while it made me feel dirty, like I was some kind of pervert for wanting it. Sex is perhaps the only time, especially later on on life when children arrive, that you can share something very special, intimate and solely for yourselves. Not wanting sex at 26 is not normal and the weight gain is just an excuse not to do it.

[Dependable]

i am 30 and overweight, and yes it has an effect on your bodys ablity to have sex, and the sex drive. i understand how much a healthy sex life is important and its something you need to work on with him if you value the relationship, i have had alot of similar problems with my girlfriend, never have we gone 2 weeks, but 5-6 days with out sex is a huge problem for my girlfriend, sometimes you just do not need sex as much, i can only describe it as my sex drive is not steady, it has peaks and valleys, and our sex goes from OK, to awsome. i am trying to figure out how we can continue to have a healthy sex life as time goes by.

In the first months of our relationship i have to admit was purely sexual, we had lots of great sex, and from there we built a real relationship and have been living with each other for the past year, things have slowed down alittle, and we do not have sex all the time like we use to, but i try to keep her happy.

[Boisdevie]

Good enough reason to leave him

[pisces25]

I agree his weight gain is just an excuse. You need to tell him how much this is effecting you and you can't be in a relationship with someone not sexually compatible with yourself. It is then up to him to tell you the real reasons he isn't interested in sex and work on the issue or you leave the relationship to find something more fulfilling.

[Bella82]

I can't say whether or not those are good reasons to break with him. I think that will come to you, and you'll know if you want out, regardless if the reason seems rational or not.

As for him gaining weight and not wanting to have sex, I can understand that sometimes people just get in a rut, or a bad pattern and can't seem to break free. If you truly see a future with him, be honest and say what you wrote here, about how you feel sex is impt in your relationship, etc. If you don't really see a future with him . . well, there's your answer.

[HeartIsAching]

Honestly... it's difficult to have a good relationship if sex is an issue. Before you break up with him though, have you tried clear communications with him about this, or are you just hinting around and hoping he'll read your mind?

[Nicholas_V]

Sex is important - and so is sexual compatibility. You can try and ignore problems in the short run, but in the medium/long term they will come back and bite you.

The reason why this happens can be anything - ranging from him not being strongly enough attracted to you, to heatlh reasons. Or he may just have a weaker sex drive than you.

26, however, is way too young for smoking and drinking to have an impact on an average "healthy" (as heatlhy as someone with such filthy lifestyle habits can be) person.

I think you two should have a talk, with you explaining that you're unhappy with the current situation. If things do not change (either him wanting more sex or you wanting less), I think it is a matter of time for you two to go separate ways.

[Capricorn2112]

I say move on and don't feel even the slightest bit guilty about it being because of sex.
Sex is way important... you want to know that you are wanted, don't you? You are so young, and able, lol, you should be with a man who keeps you fulfilled!
There is the option of him bettering his health so that he is more able and willing... but that is a LOT of work to ask someone to quit smoking and drinking. (smoking and drinking are my personal #1 deal breakers, so I'm a bit biased on the topic) He will not change unless HE wants to, and if he did want to, he would be doing it now.

[Saya]

Do you still love him? Do you still find him attractive since he gained weight?
If you want this relationship to work then you need to talk about this to him, you need to tell him how much sex means to you and need to tell him how much he means to you.
To able to be healthy, he needs to cut back on smoking/alcohol and eat healthy food and exercise a bit.
Is his sex drive always that low? Maybe he is really busy/stressed out?
I understand that you feel that he may not be attractive to you since you two see each other all the time...you need to ask him about this.
If he doesn't do anything about then, it means that he doesn't really cared about you or the relationship anymore.

[bulrush]

"i can't imagine marrying someone who is going to be like this forever."

Looks like you answered this yourself. He is only drinks and smokes. Statistics say this type of person will never change, and he will only get worse. So, time to cut your losses and move on. You deserve to find someone more compatible.

[maxmax]

Yes.

However, it does depend on how important sex is to you and to the relationship.

In many cases, if sex is non-existent, then a relationship will struggle, particularly if it is a result of someone's lifestyle choices and general lack of interest and effort.

[surfhb]

Looks like you answered this yourself. He is only drinks and smokes. Statistics say this type of person will never change, and he will only get worse. So, time to cut your losses and move on. You deserve to find someone more compatible.

Im would nt give up on the guy so quick. Did both for years and now Im training for a triathlon.

You need to talk with him.

[Rabbitt]

If he doesn't want to have a sex he's fuking gay thats your problem with him lmao