Is he only interested in sex?

[olivia_xo]

okay so, we're in our 2nd year of college/sixth form, and me and this guy have sort of been friends for the last year i guess, but also flirty aswell. we've danced together at parties but thats the most thats ever happened. i told him a couple of months ago (because of rumours id heard about him trying to lose his virginity, cos his friends keep pressuring him. and also rumours that he was planning on 'shagging' me or this other girl - lets call her becky) that i wasnt interested in the 'fun' side of things, and also the fact that i felt like a '2nd best' and a 'back-up' option, and that i wanted me and him to just be friends. and that was that for a while. but one point he did make to one of my female friends was that he didn't understand why i'd just take other people's words for it, and believe what they said. he denied that i was put 2nd place etc. but i told him how i felt, and really wanted to just leave it. and so that was that.

now just the other day, he text me asking if i still wanted to just be friends, or could you see anything more happening. i asked him what he meant by 'more' and he said, would you want anything more than just a dance. i then told him straight up, that if he is just looking for sex then i am not that girl, because it means more to me than that, so you may want to look elsewhere. he then replied saying, he is not that guy either, he's not just gonna have sex with someone random - he needs to feel for the girl, and that he knew i wouldnt just 'give it up' cos im not like that. and he then asked if i actually like him, or is he just chasing after something unattainable. i told him i kind of do (cos i do) but in a way that didnt make me appear weak, and he told me the feeling was mutual.

so yeah, do you think he really does just want sex? or is maybe interested in me, personally? because i guess the fact that his own friends are saying he just wants sex/no relationships, is where i become a bit shady.

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, he wants to be Friends With Benefits.

[Wakeup]

I'm not sure where it indicates with 100% certainty that he wants to be friends with benefits with you. You should just take things to the next level up from friendship with him and start being more romantic with him taking things one day at a time. You've had a decent discussion with him about things and you both seem to be on the same page. Thing to do now is tell him that you'd like to persue things with him without hanging 'sex' in the room like a pink elephant and that if it gets to the point of going all the way, then at least you'll both know that you valued each other enough to feel happy and comfortable it going all the way.

At least if he is showing you in actions that he values you, you won't have any regrets for having had sex with him should the relationship not become something long term... There's no guarantees in life so you have to put your trust in him once he's shown you he's genuine.

Keep in mind if the relationship has a chance of proceeding past your college years. If it doesn't then it will be fun while it lasts but there's no future if you're both going to go to different places in the globe to live once your schooling is done.

[jb1111983]

I was thinking maybe he wants more than sex untill the "his own friends are saying he just wants sex/no relationship" part. I'd think his friends know him better than you do. Many guys will say anything to have your attention when they're chasing you.

[olivia_xo]

I was thinking maybe he wants more than sex untill the "his own friends are saying he just wants sex/no relationship" part. I'd think his friends know him better than you do. Many guys will say anything to have your attention when they're chasing you.

yeah, this is the part that threw me. i've heard it from 2 of his friends. but then his best friend seems to say he doesn't know what he wants, and a lot of his talk about sex business comes from the pressure all his other friends are giving him. i know i sound naive and in doubt right here, but im seriously not im just adding in some extra info incase it makes a difference. if not, then fair enough.

[Wakeup]

You're in college. Unless you plan on moving to each others home town once you're finished school then he's only interested in sex. Just make sure he is exclusive with you while he's having it.

[Mathias]

You're in college. Unless you plan on moving to each others home town once you're finished school then he's only interested in sex. Just make sure he is exclusive with you while he's having it.

1. People don't always go to their hometown after college.
2. You can not want to move to their hometown, and be interested in more than sex.
3. You're overly judgmental about a simple question, and throw out absolutes in a very grey situation.

[Wakeup]

My point was that the relationship will end anyway if there is no intentions of living together after college... so why worry so much about it and take the relationship one day at a time... if both feel comfortable and are exclusive than it is a mutual thing and not just a usery for sex.

It will end if there is no commitment to remain together past the college years and it will end when they both go their separate ways... so it's not so gray now is it...

You're overly judgmental about a simple question, and throw out absolutes in a very grey situation.

No judgement ... just logical conclusion. All relationships come to an end through departure due to death or circumstance. (see my response in post #3 it maybe more "gray" to your liking.)

[ShellyZ]

It's entirely possible to have a serious relationship while you're in college, and you don't have to decide right now if you're going to live together after college! Do most people refuse to start relationships unless they know exactly what is going to happen in 2 years?!

The best way to find out if he's interested in a real relationship is to start dating him without having sex with him. If he just wants sex, he won't wait very long.

[CAM]

You're in college. Unless you plan on moving to each others home town once you're finished school then he's only interested in sex. Just make sure he is exclusive with you while he's having it.

Yes, exclusivity is best. And, it makes it a bit more fun to know that you have a friend and partner.

[Wakeup]

Do most people refuse to start relationships unless they know exactly what is going to happen in 2 years?!

No, but most people don't have a definate timeline as to when it could end (graduation) either.

[Mathias]

My point was that the relationship will end anyway if there is no intentions of living together after college... so why worry so much about it and take the relationship one day at a time... if both feel comfortable and are exclusive than it is a mutual thing and not just a usery for sex.

It will end if there is no commitment to remain together past the college years and it will end when they both go their separate ways... so it's not so gray now is it...

No judgement ... just logical conclusion. All relationships come to an end through departure due to death or circumstance. (see my response in post #3 it maybe more "gray" to your liking.)

You take things rather personally all the time, don't you?

[Wakeup]

You assume. I'm simply clarifying a point.

[sadie_genie]

There is nothing wrong with him wanting to have sex with you. That means, he values something in you. : ) Make him work for it. Make sure you have everything you need before you put out whether that means something monetary or emotional.

[Wakeup]

There is nothing wrong with him wanting to have sex with you. That means, he values something in you. : ) Make him work for it. Make sure you have everything you need before you put out whether that means something monetary or emotional.[/

Wow. Just, wow! I thought the vagina bartering system went the way of unequal pay for equal work between the sexes.