Need Help - Is the needy?

[johndavies]

Hi,

I would like to introduce myself and give you a little background into my relationship problem.

I met my partner 18 months ago and had a whirlwind first year, honeymoon period I know but it was unbelievable.

Anyway I will try to bullet point some of the points that affected or happened in our relationship.

Money worries at the beginning of this year caused me to become insular and detached and grumpy, not shouting or violent, just moody.

Fear of losing my job or not having to pay bills again caused the same affect.

We had arguements about the most stupid of things.

She posted something horrible on my FB account and opened it to the world to see after I walked out 1 month ago, this resulted in her receiving a mail from some anonymous woman saying that I had been in an affair with her for almost 6 months, which I flatly denied (vile tongue from a poison human) this she would not let lie even though I went to great lengths to prove my innocense, i.e timesheets from work and the fact we had been apart for two days in our relationship.

She has said that she is hurt, like a kick in the stomach and the emotional connection had been eroded

I was a doting father to her children, helped wherever I could.

I lied about smoking on a few occasions, the only lie

I was going through court proceedings with my ex wife for visitations to my son.

Money issues were the main part of our problems, very difficult to overcome


NOW, we have not emailed, contacted or texted for the last 7 days, basically giving time to reflect.

I have a hand written letter for her that I am going to post and I would like the community to comment on this before sending. I believe that there may be a chance of reconcilliation, since the split I built bridges with my ex, I can now see my son, I have entered a plan where I pay only what I can afford thus helping with the money issues

PLEASE COMMENT

This letter is written without an agenda, I am just writing to say that I truly apologise for my behaviour. I have been doing an awful lot of thinking lately and I can perfectly understand why you want no involvement with me.

We have been through some difficult times of late, my reasons again for writing this letter is to show you that I do care for you immensely. I know you are still very angry and upset with what happened and have every right to be. I made mistakes and again I regret those, mainly because they hurt people who are closest to me.

I will not try to justify or make excuses for what I did and how I treated you because excuses is not what you are after and I know excuses would never begin to defend my actions. I’m trying so hard to rectify issues within my life in a hope that they will never affect me or anyone close to me again.

I do have some bad qualities and habits; again I have taken a good look at myself and sought explanations for these. For the mistakes I have made I truly apologise. However, I do have some wonderful qualities, some you have seen, others have just been suppressed. Remember that time Maddie said that ‘mum doesn’t cry anymore’ after meeting me? That is me, not the person of late.

When I came back I tried to rectify some of the issues which I did, I began to enjoy the relationship once more but again until that day when you had prepared a lovely lunch for the wedding, it was appreciated but I took things out of context due to my insecurities. It eventually turned a game of stupidity where decisions were knee jerk reactions rather than just laughing at the situation and getting on with it. I know this again was my fault, a decision I will have to live with. That moment of walking out the door, that moment when we started to argue I have replayed a thousand times and out of that thousand times I would have reacted differently in the frame of mind I have now. I acted selfishly in that situation, again.

When I reminiss about our relationship I now see the points where you were upset and maybe felt unloved, I was blind to those at the time but non the less loved you in return You didn’t deserve 50% of me, you deserved the whole 100%, this year especially, I was unable to do that, not that I didn’t want to or didn’t feel it in side, I had pressures and I know I am not the only one but as I have pointed out I handled them badly.

I have taken this moment as a complete opposite of the day we met, like black and white, totally different. The only commonality is the mind blowing reality of an eye opening situation, one of which I am not likely to repeat.

I let my fears ruin our friendship and my selfishness the relationship, the bond and trust. All along you were right! I needed to stand up and be a man, I needed to get my head out of the sand, had I done this then I wouldn’t be writing this now.

Being away from you and the children has been an extremely difficult time for me of late but I guess in this case time is the great healer for us both. I want you to know that now a few days have passed since contact and the dust begins to settle that throughout the relationship I did love you always, you were my rock and I took advantage of that but not intentionally. How are the children anyway?

When you feel the need to talk I will always be around. You will not get washy answers and lies; you will get the truth, a truth that you deserved before.

COMMENTS PLEASE

[johndavies]

Forgot to mention that the moodiness was my fault that is why I am being critical and not mentioning her faults even though she did have some.

There was no one else involved for either of us.

She wanted to get engaged the week before the split and talked of marriage a lot. The kids loved me and so did she. Even when I left we were righting potry to each other expressing our feelings.

[DarkHelmet82]

why not just tell her that in person? I think a letter should be a last resort thing.. and the honeymoon period is 1-3 months not a year..

[johndavies]

Because she has said that she does not want me round the house, she feels I have let her down, emotionally. I want to respect that and would like nothing more but the damage this person did on a social network site has lodged itself in her thoughts. Why this person did it I dont know. With regards to this she wanted to drive to my place of work to confront me to see my reaction, she was talked out of this by a friend, I just wish she had.

When I went round to pick up some belongings she was upset, emotional and frustrated. She called me some names regarding cheating etc, I dont want to upset her any more than she is already.

Dont get me wrong I love her very much but just had my issues that were controlling my life that detached my feelings towards her, i suppose this is the state of the world and relationships at the moment, put under stress from outside forces. All the time this was going on she said she would happy to live in a cardboard box if we were both happy, but me being the man, I worked hard and even harder to provide neglecting her at the same time.

I also think the letter is more personal, something that she can read over and over again digesting the points.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yeah i see nothing wrong with it.. i would maybe mention how she is important to you and make it more about her but besides that I liked it. Dont expect her to respond to it though... use it as a means of closure NOT to try to win her back.