Massage therapist girlfriend is a hypocrite

[jacobl]

My girlfriend of 2.5+ years is an aesthetician. Included in her duties are the occasional bacial (men’s back massage/skin treatment) and men’s facial, which includes an oiled up shoulder massage. When we first began dating she was very controlling and told me she felt it was wrong for a man and a woman to be alone together at all. I reluctantly conceded under the pretense that we were going to play by the same rules. She soon after completed training as an aesthetician and magically her moral code changed. It was then ok to be alone with and touch another man, an undressed man. Needless to say I was/am angered by this. Until now I swallowed my pride and accepted that it was her profession and not inappropriate.

Recently I was laid off and am considering personal training in the interim between jobs. My girlfriend said she would break up with me if I started training because she wouldn’t accept me touching other women. I don’t know the best way to handle this situation or how to show her how selfish and hypocritical she is. Or maybe I’m in the wrong altogether. Suggestions/opinions?

[IncognitoSir]

Go get certified as a personal trainer ASAP. If that means she breaks up with you, so be it. If she doesn't break up with you, break up with her. Hell, I'd break up with her now. Her profession calls for her to touch other guys....in a professional manner of course, soon, your profession will call for the same. If she can't deal with that, she ain't worth Sh!t. I hate when people do this kinda double standard crap in a relationship or in general. Why are you dating a control freak btw?

[VincenzoG91]

I worked at a day spa for nearly four years, and in all that time, we only had one complaint from a female customer about a male massage therapist, and even that was overblown. He forgot to adjust the table height at the start of his shift, so during her massage, he climbed up on the table at one point to reach part of her back, and she panicked.

You can't have love without trust and respect. Not only does she distrust you, but she doesn't even respect you enough to expect you to behave professionally as a trainer. Also, her insecurity about cheating might reflect poorly on her own behavior at work. Maybe she did something shady during one or more of her massages, so she expects the same from you. I think you should take the high road and pursue your new career, and let her do what she needs to do, which will probably be to break up with you. Let her be a hypocrite and deal with the consequences of her hypocrisy.

[devonbrown]

I agree with both of the comments here. She definitely has a double standard about this and does not trust you. Both of these things probably reflect more on her than on you.

In order to address your concern:

I don’t know the best way to handle this situation or how to show her how selfish and hypocritical she is.

the only way I know to address the situation is actually talk to her about it. And use the word hypocritical. And if she goes down the path of not trusting you, then address those issues. It might not be the easiest conversation ever, but it sounds like one you have to have with her.

Good luck.

[bulrush]

Yes your gf is a hypocrite. And her being controlling (was she controlling in other ways?) is a big red flag.

I for one, am comfortable with naked bodies, like in art, even live statues (live people dressed in metallic makeup pretending to be a statue). However I won't do anything which would give the appearance of me cheating.

But being a massage therapist is an exception. I have had 2 professional massages. Clients have the option of leaving underwear on or taking it off. In either case a towel is placed on their bum. The bare bum is not touched, the massager massages through the towel. But all other bare skin is touched. Local laws may vary.

My point is, my gf would have to be comfortable with me being a massage therapist. It's my career. It's how I pay the bills. Both of my massagers were professional people working for established companies. My first time I was nervous and I joked about "funny business" going on here, and she said in a firm tone "There is no funny business here. You will have to keep your hands to yourself." Clear, and to the point.

[HeartIsAching]

My girlfriend of 2.5+ years is an aesthetician. Included in her duties are the occasional bacial (men’s back massage/skin treatment) and men’s facial, which includes an oiled up shoulder massage. When we first began dating she was very controlling and told me she felt it was wrong for a man and a woman to be alone together at all. I reluctantly conceded under the pretense that we were going to play by the same rules. She soon after completed training as an aesthetician and magically her moral code changed. It was then ok to be alone with and touch another man, an undressed man. Needless to say I was/am angered by this. Until now I swallowed my pride and accepted that it was her profession and not inappropriate.

Recently I was laid off and am considering personal training in the interim between jobs. My girlfriend said she would break up with me if I started training because she wouldn’t accept me touching other women. I don’t know the best way to handle this situation or how to show her how selfish and hypocritical she is. Or maybe I’m in the wrong altogether. Suggestions/opinions?

Ahhh... the old double standard. Your GF is still controlling. Now you need to ask yourself - do you like being controlled? If you do, that's fine go with it. If you don't - do what you need to do and let the chips fall where they may.

[mehwhatcanyoudo]

i hate bitches with double standards, my gf was the same.

dont let her hold you back man, as you said "she oils up naked guys all day long" and you would be helping guys & girls work out and become more fit. although these are both physical activities i think hers rates a lot more "dangerous" then yours. and the other thing is she is doing this to you right now!!!? it will take you awhile to become a certified personal trainer

she has no right to be such a mole. Go get your personal training cert ASAP! dont let this pathetic excuse for a girlfriend hold you back.

who knows maybe you might find a nice girl while working out?