How Late is too Late!

[sfoster]

OK, so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years now. We have a 4 year old and a 6 month old together. And we just recently bought a house together last year, but have lived together on and off our whole relationship. Basically, what I want to know is, how late is too late? He has gotten into this thing where a few times a month, he stays out until 5, 6, 7 in the morning. It completely drives me crazy. In the beginning of our relationship, he never did anything like this and it seem like as time goes on, it just gets worst. I am not trying to give him a curfew or anything, but I just feel like 5, 6, 7 AM a few times every month is just completely inappropriate for someone with a family. I wouldn't mind 1, 2, or even 3 AM. I also might mind less if I knew where he was when he stayed out so late. Basically, I feel like this is behavior of a single person and when you decide to be in a relationship and start a family you shouldn't do things like this. Bottom line, I don't like it. Once or twice a year.... maybe. But not every month.

Basically, when I confront him about it and tell him how I feel about it, he pushes back and we end up getting into an argument. Then he says that I am bitchin' at him. He sees nothing wrong with it and feels that I shouldn't have a problem with it because he is a “grown man”.

What do you all think???? I am overreacting or is this a problem????

[surfhb]

How many is a few? He is abussive? Doesn't pay the bills? Neglect you or the kids? If it like 3 or 4 times a month, I don't find it inappropriate. Why not get a babysitter and join him?

[devonbrown]

If he claims to be a grown man, then he needs to understand that he should be a responsible adult. He is a father of two children. What if there were an emergency? He wouldn't be there to help his children. And since you are in a relationship with him, and live together, and have children together, I don't think it is unreasonable for you to at least know where he is and how to get in touch with him. If he has an issue with that, he is either doing things he shouldn't do or no where close to mature enough to handle a family.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

How many is a few? He is abussive? Doesn't pay the bills? Neglect you or the kids? If it like 3 or 4 times a month, I don't find it inappropriate. Why not get a babysitter and join him?

Because it's quite likely that her being there would interfere with his extra marital curiculum.

[surfhb]

Because it's quite likely that her being there would interfere with his extra marital curiculum.

Exactly why I asked why she wasn't going out with him too?

[Wakeup]

Ahh. A little too subtle, perhaps?

[Ciara Shante]

Greetings,

I SMELL A RAT! So your boyfriend is a party hopper huh. He parties with his friends til the sun rises numerous times a month. Intertesting. And you want to know if you are being crazy or not about not liking this "new" behavior. Well Sfoster, it's hard to say he is out cheating without hard evidence so we wont say that yet. But you do have a right to object any behavior that makes you feel out of the norm in your relationship. I say it all the time, don't sacrifice your happiness for unhappiness. Its obvious that this behavior saddens you. I know you are lonely in that bed at night--all alone. Its not fair. It's not fair that you are stuck with the kids all the time while he parties and drinks like he is 21 again. Pleassse explain to me why you deserve this? Ill wait... Please tell me why when you try to communicate with him he turns it into an argument and says he's grown. How would he feel if you did it. Yup he probably wont like it.
So having said that, I feel you should try to communicate with him again. Yes one more time just for assurance purposes. If he blows up again then present him with a (compromise) maybe agree to Thurs and Sats being his days with the boys and leave the others for you and the family. If he doesn't want to compromise then this is a red flag that he doesnt care about you or the fsmily enough to even try to make it work. This should lead you to planning an escape route. Plan it carefully so that when you hit him with it, he wont even know it's coming. And he will beg, YES HE WILL BEG and say he wil change, but he wont I assure you he wont. He will continue to hold you back from the happiness you deserve. And that's not a good look! Good Luck!
Ciara Shante

[sarahprincess]

That is way too late to stay out when you have a family. Should have had fun like that before he had kids. When your children get older, how is that going to look to them? Bad role model. Its not crazy for you to think this way, you are just being the responsible adult. My friend had this issue with his parents, his mom was going through a midlife crisis and couldnt care less about his spouses feelings. Needless to say that was one reason they split, because one couldnt grow up and be an adult.