Girlfriend and her ex

[untburris]

Hey guys,

My girlfriend and I have been going out for about a year now, but it's been on and off, but we've stuck through and committed for about 6 months. Last Sunday was her birthday and I found out that her ex boyfriend had asked her out to dinner for her birthday. Now this wouldn't really be a problem I guess if it was firstly not on her birthday and secondly if there were other people going as well, but what bothers me is that her ex still likes her and she knows that and she does tell me she doesn't like him any more except that they've always been close mates. I respect that they are close mates, but personally I think a birthday dinner with an ex who still likes her is going a tad overboard and I just don't know whether i'm seriously being paranoid about the whole situation or if it's okay. Although, she did say no to the dinner without any of my input. What also bothers me is that she didn't tell me that her ex had asked her to dinner. The ex also knows that she is going out with me.

Fast forward to now, 4 days after her birthday, we've been talking and she raised the issue that she doesn't get why she can't go out to dinners with an ex. I tried telling her and gave her the example of an ex of mine asking me out for a birthday dinner in which she says she would be completely fine with it? Don't get me wrong, i do trust her and i'm not trying to control her life in any way, but i just don't think dinners with an ex is appropriate, especially on her birthday. So am i just being paranoid? And that there is nothing wrong with having dinner with an ex? I really don't know what to do up to this point.

[devonbrown]

I see no problem in having dinner with an ex, especially if you are still friends with that person. Regarding the birthday situation, you would like her birthday celebration to be with you, not someone else. So you sort of saw that as her putting her ex in front of you on her totem pole of importance.

Just let her know that you trust her, it is just that you felt it was inappropriate for her ex to try to occupy her time on her birthday because he would know that you would want to do something with her. And then drop it. If you continue to argue about it, it will just wind up being bad for you because she will start to see it as you controlling her even if it isn't.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

Am I missing something here? She didn't accept his invitation so why are you making such a fuss about this. You're making her think and suffer about something that didn't even take place.

she did say no to the dinner without any of my input.

What, say what?

[Cupids_arrows]

I see where your coming from but as Devon says if you trust her and she trusts you then why not?

Everyone is different and it is hard to pass judgement because we don't know the in's and out's of you both but from my view some ex's I would let do it and others I wouldn't let it happen if you know what I mean?

If you know he would be sitting there trying to get her drunk and trying it on all night then I would be saying no chance no matter how good friends they are and if she knew that was the truth and didn't like it then tough.

[untburris]

Thanks for the input guys. And I guess I was more going for the fact that she didn't tell me about the dinner with her ex which Is why I'm somewhat worked up about it, in fact if she had told me before instead of me having to find out from her mate that her ex had asked we I probably wouldn't of reacted the way I did, but because she didn't tell me I guess raises concern :/

[devonbrown]

She didn't tell you because she took care of the situation by saying no. She didn't want you to get worked up about something that she was handling just fine by herself.

Don't sabotage something good.

[Cupids_arrows]

Thanks for the input guys. And I guess I was more going for the fact that she didn't tell me about the dinner with her ex which Is why I'm somewhat worked up about it, in fact if she had told me before instead of me having to find out from her mate that her ex had asked we I probably wouldn't of reacted the way I did, but because she didn't tell me I guess raises concern :/

Why wasn't she just honest? There is alot of ways to look at this situation its a hard one.

[untburris]

Why wasn't she just honest? There is alot of ways to look at this situation its a hard one.

That's what i wanted to know, apparently to her it's not a big deal that her ex had asked her out on her birthday and therefore didn't think it was necessary to tell me.

[hello1]

She turned him down so you should not be annoyed at her about that. Now you can be angry at her ex, he obviously still wants her and will make a move if she was okay with it.

I would never ever let my boyfriend go out to dinner with a ex, no way! I don't want any exs in my life and if my boyfriend wanted to keep his ex girlfriends in his life I wouldn't be with him. Put your foot down and tell her no and ask why she even want go out to dinner with another man?

keep an eye on your girlfriend

[wiseguy]

Birthday dinner with an ex boyfriend alone is crossing the line. She should respect you more and say no to her ex. Its better to be honest with your feelings and not a good idea to compromise those feelings regularly for your partner. You'll lose respect real quick that way.

[Wakeup]

Put your foot down and tell her no and ask why she even want go out to dinner with another man?

did you even read the thread or the OP? She did not want to go out to dinner with another man, she turned the invitation down. .. O_o

Going out alone with a member of the opposite sex who was once in your life in a romantic way is (IMO) crossing a basic relationship boundary and it disrespects one's partner. It's like throwing the fact that you still mean SOMETHING to one another in the person you're suppose to love's face. No exceptions.

Any man or woman who has friends of the opposite sex with whom they go on "dates" alone without having invited their S.O. Is just a problem waiting to happen.

Have respect for your SIGNIFICANT other and don't cross that boundary.

OP: Get over yourself and learn to trust your gf. She didn't tell you about the invite because it's obvious that you're overly jealous and she just didn't want to hear your bs yet again. Change up your mistrust of her or you're going to end up without her. SHE DIDN'T GO, SHE TURNED HIM DOWN. You should have been proud of her for that when you found that out whether she told you about it or not.

[Gratedwasabi]

That's what i wanted to know, apparently to her it's not a big deal that her ex had asked her out on her birthday and therefore didn't think it was necessary to tell me.

Because she said NO, you douchebag.

She's going to leave you because you're getting worked up over her SAYING NO TO ANOTHER GUY.

Seriously. Get over your bizarre jealousy issues and realize she said no. ****. You do realize that your getting angry and acting like an ass OVER HER SAYING NO is most likely going to lead to her saying yes next time and probably shagging his brains out, because you're a jealous, irrational boyfriend, right?

[dont_1]

You need to trust her. If there is no trust in the relationship then it wont work. It she cheats on you then shes not worth it.

[hello1]

[QUOTE=Wakeup;718467]did you even read the thread or the OP? She did not want to go out to dinner with another man, she turned the invitation down. .. O_o[QUOTE]

But if you read the post properly you would see his girlfriend WANTS to go out to dinner with her ex and even said that to the OP. So she may turned him down once but she will properly go out with again.

[untburris]

[QUOTE=hello1;718827][QUOTE=Wakeup;718467]did you even read the thread or the OP? She did not want to go out to dinner with another man, she turned the invitation down. .. O_o

But if you read the post properly you would see his girlfriend WANTS to go out to dinner with her ex and even said that to the OP. So she may turned him down once but she will properly go out with again.

Thank you, yes she did want to go to dinner with him, but she didn't because apparently she couldnt of been bothered.