Please help. I love her and will do anything to be with her.

[loveme123]

Okay, here the roller coaster goes.. I am in my lower 20's and she's in her lower 30's. She has a family (with kids and husband). We met about one year ago and started working together, and quickly a spark came. We became best friends, we shared stories together. She was there for me when I really needed her and vice versa. She was just perfect for me and since it was an "elephant in the room", we verbalized it and spoke about it. Even thought we knew it was wrong, we continued and many things followed.. We fell in love and it was beautiful. I never experienced real true love and I know I will never feel this way in my life again. I opened up to her in ways I couldn't even imagine, and felt different emotions I've never felt in my life. She felt the same. I see her every week because we live in different states but I drive up there or vice versa to see each other. Whenever we see each other, we cuddle and kiss and just love being together.

We always stop each other before we are about to have sex because we know things can end up really bad because of that. She tells me that she resents me when she's with her husband yet she resents her husband when she's with me. She feels guilty all the time when she comes home. I love the kids, i love her beyond belief. Very recently, she has been trying to get me "out of her life" because she can't take all the emotional problems that have been occurring lately. She has been trying to argue with me so she can use that as an excuse to get out of the relationship to get her "old life back". She is very confused because when I talk to her about it and tell her that we both love each other, she says she would rather just be friends but can't control herself when shes around me in a "sexual way". She said she is too attracted to me and it's hard to not talk or see me. We used to talk everyday about 8 hours a day and have so much in common. I get very jealous over her a lot when shes with other friends that are guys or people she works with. She said she isn't willing to divorce and especially all she's been through with her husband, she doesn't know if she can any time soon. She said she loves him and hes a very nice person and I just feel like shit because she loves us both but in different ways. I am so committed to her and sometimes she tells me to go out and find other girls and be happy with other girls, yet I know she is lying to herself. One time, I lied to her and said I went out with a girl and she was really mad and said it will never be the same with me again until I told her I lied to see her reaction.

She said she loves me more than I can ever imagine and sometimes can't say or do the things she wants because of the family she has. I love the kids and I always buy them presents and just .. can't stop thinking about her and the day we will be meeting next. I told her I am willing to wait years before getting married or having a "chance to be together". She said she's not ready to commit to that and the reason is because she doesn't want to ruin her families lives.

Very recently when I spoke to her, we drank a little together and she said she needs a break. She said she needs time to regroup her life. And she said "if you love me, you will let me go". After I asked her if that's what she really wants, she said no but she said she knows its the right thing to do. She said she feels guilty because she's not there for me and also she is failing her husband and she feels like shit about that. When she said she needed a break, I was hesitant and very defensive and kept telling her that I love her and want to work things out by being friends and she said she cant because she knows we cant control each other when we're together. Finally, she told me that she wants time away from me because maybe she will realize she can't live without me. She said if that's the case and she really needs me to be there in her life with her, she will have to make some serious decisions about her life and mine. I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster because I can't stop talking and thinking about her and one day she can be really happy to talk with me and see me and another day she will try to pick a fight to try and forget about me. She even admitted she does it sometimes because she hates me that she loves me in ways she will never love her husband.

It's been a day already on this "break" and it's very tempting to pick up the phone and call/text her. Since we work together, I had to ask her a business questions earlier but she responded and we stopped talking after. I respect her enough to give her her space but it's really hurting me and I know I can't and won't move on. I feel so much for her and we are so compatible that I don't want to. I want her to be a big part of my life and vice versa for the rest of our lives. Can someone please help. This girl makes me incredibly happy and I love talking to her. We were both crying when we spoke about the break and she also tells me she doesn't like bringing up our relationship when we talk but I can't help but always talk about it because I want her to be with me so bad. I can't go to clubs or parties and if I force myself to, I feel guilty and also HATE talking to other girls. I feel like mine is so much smarter, better looking than any girl. I just feel so much for her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Can someone please help. It hurts so bad. I am not calling her just yet but I really hope she calls me back.

[Dank]

Dude are you serious? Many things it won't work . Your messing about with a married women put your self in that husbands position what he must be feeling like?. She clearly said she can't do it?. if she can do that to her husband why can't she do that to you?. Leave her alone and go find a Single women im sure you'll find one and love.. Sorry its just wrong.

[Lovebucket]

Hey Broken Heart..
sometimes in life , we just go with the flow without knowing the consequences ..or say we know it but we ignore.. We let people take over our life, our happiness,our moods,pleasure,pain every feelings revolve around them, we feel like we have found our right match , it seems so perfect , compatibility u feel like never before and u start thinking you will never have it again in ur life or you wont be able to feel the same again. to some extent thats true.. if u love truly, it exists somewhere in ur heart ur whole life. Its just been a day and u feel like life is over , and if she just give u call or a text you will start hoping to start again....But trust me ..Life is never so cruel ,people are. it always come up with something even better for you.
breaking up is never fun.. what i want to suggest you is that , donr give up your hope. Not for her to come back but your Hope to love and to be loved again. Ur priority should be ur own self. Good that you respect love and care about her but love respect and care about ur own self first. U need it more then her. don't let ur will to "CARRY ON" be affected.

[loveme123]

Hey Broken Heart..
sometimes in life , we just go with the flow without knowing the consequences ..or say we know it but we ignore.. We let people take over our life, our happiness,our moods,pleasure,pain every feelings revolve around them, we feel like we have found our right match , it seems so perfect , compatibility u feel like never before and u start thinking you will never have it again in ur life or you wont be able to feel the same again. to some extent thats true.. if u love truly, it exists somewhere in ur heart ur whole life. Its just been a day and u feel like life is over , and if she just give u call or a text you will start hoping to start again....But trust me ..Life is never so cruel ,people are. it always come up with something even better for you.
breaking up is never fun.. what i want to suggest you is that , donr give up your hope. Not for her to come back but your Hope to love and to be loved again. Ur priority should be ur own self. Good that you respect love and care about her but love respect and care about ur own self first. U need it more then her. don't let ur will to "CARRY ON" be affected.

Great advice. I always put her in front of me. I know she loves me as much as I love her and I want to do ANYTHING to make this work. I will wait years if i have to because I've never met anyone who makes me happy as much as she does.

[ConniptionFit]

Ask her husband what he thinks you should do.

[Boisdevie]

She loves you so much that she wants a break and won't leave her husband = she obviously doesn't love you does she?
Get a grip on reality. Find a single person of your own age.

[jb1111983]

She should leave her husband and kids to be with you. She doesn't do that which she isn't, she wants them more than you. Now you my friend need to accept this and move on. Like you said you both knew this was wrong because it is wrong. Whether you realise it or not you're trying to tear apart a family. Ever thought of that? Deep down she knows it's wrong to be with you which is why she's trying to break away from you. I think you should respect that. Let her go, bru.

And about your "I know I will never feel like this again" a lot of us have been there only to be proven wrong. There are many girls you can fall for but right now this woman's blocking your view. Dude, I know it hurts like hell but the right thing to do is to let her go. You'll fall in love again with another woman, and you'll be happy it didn't work out with this one. I can tell you this because I've been there.

Also her kids will never like you. And no mother will choose a guy over her little ones. If she does she's f-cked in the head.

[loveme123]

She loves you so much that she wants a break and won't leave her husband = she obviously doesn't love you does she?
Get a grip on reality. Find a single person of your own age.

She obviously does love me or she wouldn't have been talking to me. She had many chances to tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore etc but she hasn't. She wants to make it work but doesn't know how and I don't blame her. This situation sucks but I told her I am willing to wait years if that's what it will take and I will. I am very mature and can't connect to girls my own age. We connect and are so compatible with each other. I will not let her go.

[Lovebucket]

She obviously does love me or she wouldn't have been talking to me. She had many chances to tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore etc but she hasn't. She wants to make it work but doesn't know how and I don't blame her. This situation sucks but I told her I am willing to wait years if that's what it will take and I will. I am very mature and can't connect to girls my own age. We connect and are so compatible with each other. I will not let her go.

do U think Just spending time with someone , or talking to them is what called LOVE ?dont ask anyone else , ask your ownself .. if u feel so strong for her that you are willing to wait for years .. why cant she seriously make it work ? Your situation is pretty much equal difficult but see you are ready.. you have the spark in you. All that u should do now.. step back and stop. Time is the biggest healer.

[loveme123]

She should leave her husband and kids to be with you. She doesn't do that which she isn't, she wants them more than you. Now you my friend need to accept this and move on. Like you said you both knew this was wrong because it is wrong. Whether you realise it or not you're trying to tear apart a family. Ever thought of that? Deep down she knows it's wrong to be with you which is why she's trying to break away from you. I think you should respect that. Let her go, bru.

And about your "I know I will never feel like this again" a lot of us have been there only to be proven wrong. There are many girls you can fall for but right now this woman's blocking your view. Dude, I know it hurts like hell but the right thing to do is to let her go. You'll fall in love again with another woman, and you'll be happy it didn't work out with this one. I can tell you this because I've been there.

Also her kids will never like you. And no mother will choose a guy over her little ones. If she does she's f-cked in the head.

She will NEVER leave her kids. She loves her kids more than anything and I already accepted them in my life as if they were my own. As far as the husband, he needs to see the kids once in a while if they do divorce because its healthy for the kids. I am okay with that but I just really think she needs to take time to decide because she is at a crossroad where she needs to make a decision. This "break" we are taking now is for her to see how much she "can't live without me" and once she will realize that, she will really start thinking about what we should do. I understand where she's coming from because it would be hard for me to leave my husband to be with a younger man. We tried almost everything; being friends but we just have so much feelings for each other that it never works out. We always tell each other we miss and love each other and get really jealous that I may go out with friends and she cant come and I get jealous over her when shes going out with her friends.. I understand right now it's wrong but this is my soulmate. If I was hesitant of the feelings I had for her at ALL, there is no doubt in my mind I'd let her go right away but I am so sure this girl is who I need and want to spend the rest of my life with. She changed my life for the better in so many ways and I can't stop thinking about her. I want to wake up every morning with her right next to me. She needs this "space" because she's going through a lot in her life but I know she doesn't want to let me go. She even said she wants to see if she can't live without me and this can determine many things. I love her to death and if her final decision is that she will never want to "be with me", then I will want to be her best friend for the rest of her life. I want to know everything about her in her life and vice versa. She's been such a big impact in my life that if it means to not "love her" the same as I do now, I won't. I will do anything to see her more and just be close friends. I can't even imagine how it would be like without her in my life. This is a stupid example but you can compare her to me as you to your own sister.. it's someone that you want to be close to you your whole life. If she doesn't call me within 4-5 days, I will call her just to see how she's feeling and how she's doing. It's been already a little over one day and I feel so heartbroken and just so emotionally deprived that I am getting stressed. I am going for a walk soon to try and clear my mind but I only know this is all temporary and I am waiting for her call. I hope she calls.

[loveme123]

do U think Just spending time with someone , or talking to them is what called LOVE ?dont ask anyone else , ask your ownself .. if u feel so strong for her that you are willing to wait for years .. why cant she seriously make it work ? Your situation is pretty much equal difficult but see you are ready.. you have the spark in you. All that u should do now.. step back and stop. Time is the biggest healer.

I don't think spending time with someone or talking to them is love. I think the way you feel about the person when you talk or see them in addition to how easy going everything is when you're with that person is what love is. I think when you feel different around the person and would do anything, literally ANYTHING to be with the person, that is what love is. She really wants to make it work but our situations are very different. I am single and have no family. I have less to lose if I leave everything and spend the rest of my life with her. On the other hand, she has a lot to lose and even "hurt" her little ones if she divorces her husband.

When you say, "step back and stop", do you mean not to call or talk to her during this break or give her all the space she needs to figure out what she wants to do? I already made up my mind and I feel so needy of her and so emotionally dependent. I'm usually a very masculine guy when it comes to everything else, but when I'm with her, I show her all my emotions and it's so easy to do it. She knows how special she is to me and I know how special I am to her. She is the only girl I ever cried over and the only girl I felt SO strong about. I want to be there for the kids, I want to do anything she wants to make her happy, because making her happy makes me 10 x happier. I just know I need to be a big part of her life, do I know how it will happen? No. Am I very confident it will happen? Yes.

[Lovebucket]

I don't think spending time with someone or talking to them is love. I think the way you feel about the person when you talk or see them in addition to how easy going everything is when you're with that person is what love is. I think when you feel different around the person and would do anything, literally ANYTHING to be with the person, that is what love is. She really wants to make it work but our situations are very different. I am single and have no family. I have less to lose if I leave everything and spend the rest of my life with her. On the other hand, she has a lot to lose and even "hurt" her little ones if she divorces her husband.

When you say, "step back and stop", do you mean not to call or talk to her during this break or give her all the space she needs to figure out what she wants to do? I already made up my mind and I feel so needy of her and so emotionally dependent. I'm usually a very masculine guy when it comes to everything else, but when I'm with her, I show her all my emotions and it's so easy to do it. She knows how special she is to me and I know how special I am to her. She is the only girl I ever cried over and the only girl I felt SO strong about. I want to be there for the kids, I want to do anything she wants to make her happy, because making her happy makes me 10 x happier. I just know I need to be a big part of her life, do I know how it will happen? No. Am I very confident it will happen? Yes.

You are single , you have your whole life ahead, you must be having ur own goals and ur plans, imagine for a moment if she wasnt in the scene , where do u see yourself ? your approach towards your life would have been different and more productive. Yes give her the space and time to decide , if she really needs you her love shouldl find someway out. Stop considering that she already had done enough for you and you cannot blame her. Accept it or not dear , she is resposible for the pain you are going through, Its her bad for keeping you engaged all this time and making you feel so strong about this relationship, she could have acted wiser and could have saved you and her ownself knowing that this is not gonna happen, there was no future to the bond she was trying to create with you. I have seen people in much more worst situation then yours but they succeeded in making their way out only because they BOTH contributed and played their part. Situation shows that she is uite happy with her husband , its not just about the kids. She seems to be satisfied with her husband too and despite of all the love you have given her, her husband is her priority on you.. i dont understand what was the point of bringing you in her life ?
Dont call her, let her go and decide. Start thinking about you ownself now, its not about being selfish, being a human you owe a duty of care to ur ownself too.

[Boisdevie]

She obviously does love me or she wouldn't have been talking to me.

Funny, I spoke to someone at the gas station earlier today. Does this mean we're also in love?

[loveme123]

You are single , you have your whole life ahead, you must be having ur own goals and ur plans, imagine for a moment if she wasnt in the scene , where do u see yourself ? your approach towards your life would have been different and more productive. Yes give her the space and time to decide , if she really needs you her love shouldl find someway out. Stop considering that she already had done enough for you and you cannot blame her. Accept it or not dear , she is resposible for the pain you are going through, Its her bad for keeping you engaged all this time and making you feel so strong about this relationship, she could have acted wiser and could have saved you and her ownself knowing that this is not gonna happen, there was no future to the bond she was trying to create with you. I have seen people in much more worst situation then yours but they succeeded in making their way out only because they BOTH contributed and played their part. Situation shows that she is uite happy with her husband , its not just about the kids. She seems to be satisfied with her husband too and despite of all the love you have given her, her husband is her priority on you.. i dont understand what was the point of bringing you in her life ?
Dont call her, let her go and decide. Start thinking about you ownself now, its not about being selfish, being a human you owe a duty of care to ur ownself too.

How do you know there is no future for us? The reason she is happy with her husband is because of the kids. He is part of her family and even if she divorces, she wants him to still be a part of the kids lives. He loves the kids and he has a big part of their lives. The reason her husband is a priority is because he has been with her for over 10 years and by leaving him, it will cause a LOT of mess with their family. I know she loves me more but the problem is that she is very comfortable with the family she has now and by leaving the husband, it will cause lots of problems. I want her to be happy, I want everything in her life to be perfect. I am giving her this time, I am giving her this break and space BUT i am hoping and praying very hard that she calls me. It will show me she cares about my feelings and even if we cant be together, at least calling me and trying to make our "friendship" work and being there for each other and keeping contact for the rest of our lives would mean so much to me. I just want her to always be in my life, whether I am her husband, her best friend, or just her mistress (joking). I really love her and want whats best. In about a week, if she hasn't texted/called me back, I will call her and just ask how she's doing. I will not talk about our relationship, I will just want to catch up and see how she is and the kids. I will then see if she wants more space, if she needs it, i will give it to her as hard as it will be for me. If not, I will continue to be the person I was to her a week ago. Just be in her life and love her. Let me know what your thoughts are. Thank you again so much for all the advice you have given, it helped in some ways.

[ConniptionFit]

How do you know there is no future for us? The reason she is happy with her husband is because of the kids. He is part of her family and even if she divorces, she wants him to still be a part of the kids lives. He loves the kids and he has a big part of their lives. The reason her husband is a priority is because he has been with her for over 10 years and by leaving him, it will cause a LOT of mess with their family. I know she loves me more but the problem is that she is very comfortable with the family she has now and by leaving the husband, it will cause lots of problems. I want her to be happy, I want everything in her life to be perfect. I am giving her this time, I am giving her this break and space BUT i am hoping and praying very hard that she calls me. It will show me she cares about my feelings and even if we cant be together, at least calling me and trying to make our "friendship" work and being there for each other and keeping contact for the rest of our lives would mean so much to me. I just want her to always be in my life, whether I am her husband, her best friend, or just her mistress (joking). I really love her and want whats best. In about a week, if she hasn't texted/called me back, I will call her and just ask how she's doing. I will not talk about our relationship, I will just want to catch up and see how she is and the kids. I will then see if she wants more space, if she needs it, i will give it to her as hard as it will be for me. If not, I will continue to be the person I was to her a week ago. Just be in her life and love her. Let me know what your thoughts are. Thank you again so much for all the advice you have given, it helped in some ways.

Thoughts? OK. You need serious therapy. You have some very messed up thought processes.