At a big crossroad and feeling unsure

[tormented]

Hi everyone, I don't usually post on forums but I am depressed and in need of advice so I created this account to get this off my chest. Warning this is a long post and thanks in advance for reading it!

My girlfriend of 2 years is 9 years older than me, I am 23 and she is turning 32. She is a very kind girl who is gorgeous and gives it her all when it comes to love. She's the type that either gives 100% or 0% of her heart when it comes to relationships, no half-hearted friends-with-benefits or one night stand type of thing. We fell madly in love and she is sweet, caring, and a real soul-mate to me.

In addition to our age disparity, we are currently in a long distance relationship. We met in the US but she had to move back since she was here on a student visa. We have always talked about ending the long distance aspect and living together. I told her I would like to stay here, and being the sweetheart she is she agreed to give up her life back at home and try to start a new one here with me.

Now, as the time of her move is rapidly approaching, I find myself extremely nervous, worried and depressed. I am worried about the long term issues that we have to face in our relationship. Financially we are nowhere near stable but I have a good job and a reasonably bright future ahead of me. What really worries me is children.By the time she is 35 I will only be 26! I have always planned to get married at the age of 30 and have offsprings around 35. The thought of having children in 3 years is extremely intimidating and I don't want to have a child until we are both ready. She says she is fine with or without children but I know I will want children down the road, just not at the current stage of my life. I am also worried that as she grows older faster than me, will I find her no longer attractive one day? What will my friends say about our relationship?

With these things floating around in my mind, I'm not sure if our relationship make it to the end of the line. She is making such a big move for me, but all of this in exchange for more uncertainty. I've talked to her about this, she says she understands, and is still willing to come live with me to try things out because i am worth it to her. My parents like her and when I talk to my mom about this she just tells me I worry too much and I should let things play out.

What do you guys think? Am I potentially destroying her life to have her move in with me? At her age and with her personality, I feel like she should settle down soon since she is definitely not out to play around. She has a lot of guys her age going after her and her friends tell her she is foolish for giving up everything and pursuing a relationship that might not bear fruit. Am I just wasting her time and is she missing out on great opportunities because of me? I love her more than anything but I am just unsure if things will turn out for the best. Any advice would be much appreciated.

[Dank]

First Advice Don't Value a Girl by how many Guys are after her. Second you stated that you might not find her attractive if she goes old quickly? well she is bound to someday.... Maybe you should date Girls more around your age. And ive noticed freinds always have a part to play in a girls life saying how they can do better blah blah..... i'd say move on... until you meet someone where your satisfied that this is the one in everyway. hope this helped.

[curiousgurl29]

Tormented, iIf you are "extremely worried, depressed, and nervous", it isn't a good sign . You are right to have some concerns. Nine years is a big difference, especially if the woman is older. Unfortunately, you very may find yourself resenting her later in life if you end up getting married and having children sooner than you would have liked to. How is she now able to move back to the US without the student visa? Will that put added pressure for you to marry her so that she can stay in the US? You have already expressed your concerns with her and she has told you that she is willling to take the risk.But it seems like you are not willing to take that risk. It also sounds like she is a rather intense person, giving "100% or nothing". When you live together, it would be difficult to make that a trial period to just "try things out". You may feel pressured to make it work, even if you don't want to . I, personally, would tell your girlfriend that you aren't ready to move in together.