Long Distance In every conceivable manner.....

[Reaper]

Alright, I've been dating this girl for a year and a month now and have known her for 6 years. Her past boyfriends always said she had trouble showing affection and I can see what they mean, she's opened up ALOT since we've been dating but is still not really there affectionwise. The first 3 months of our relationship we spent together and were not planning on keeping it going because of a year long trip she had been planning but we decided to keep going. I visited her once while she was in mexico and she came back to the United States once. Then there was a 6 month period where she was in Nepal. We were able to maintain communications and everything has been pretty smooth. Throughout this year long trip we've maintained an open relationship. She wants it, I didnt. But although she has trouble showing affection to me, shes hooked up with 4 other guys during the year long period. I got over that and now shes back for the summer as of a week ago. In three more months she will be going off to New Orleans for 3 months, is back for a month, then leaves for 6 months again. I want to ask for a closed relationship but with her being away I don't think its fair of me to ask. Should I continue with the open relationship or just give up on this one? I've talked to her about the closed relationship but with her going off to new orleans it really doesnt seem right. I'm the only one outside her family members shes ever said "i love you" to, shes gone farther with me than any guy before, and we arent even really dating? I'm just confused at all ends here and everytime i ask her somthing I never understand her answer or just feel horible for asking. Even when I'm around her she's fairly distant which is again how she was with past bf's but there are alot of little things that keep me going on this. Can ANYONE make heads or tails of this? At all? Everyone i've talked to about it always says its too complicated and i should just break it loose. But obviously I really don't want to unless absolutly nessasary although being away from someone for 6 months at a time I've kinda always had myself prepared for it so I need to decide before I fall in love with this woman all over again.

[marman]

First of all, I don't think there is anything 'unfair' about a closed relationship, even in an LDR. Open relationships are probably only for a minority of people, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being OK with it. And nothing unfair about preferring or asking for one. If you feel like you can't be in an open relationship, then go ahead and ask for a closed one. Of course it is an entirely different matter whether or not she agrees with you... but just because you two are long distance doesn't mean you cannot have a closed relationship.
That said, I'm sorry to say that to me it seems like you two are simply at different stages in life - and she enjoys having you at home, as long as she is not tied to you. I think keeping the relationship as it is would just hurt you over and over again. I don't think sucking it up would be the best solution for you... I absolutely understand that right now it might feel like you would be willing to do that for her, because you know from my thread that you replied to that I'm in a not-so-great boat either, and I feel like a bit of a hypocrite writing this... but I believe this would just really hurt you unnecessarily, even more. Ask her for a closed relationship, if you feel you can;t make that cut just yet. And if she declines, you will have to rethink things.

[Reaper]

ya, that sounds about right. And honestly the only sensible answer i've received...damn woman loves to travel too much XD but just one of many reasons i love her. I'll work on it when she gets back from california which she just left for for another week.....

[steviej]

She's having her cake and eating it. Gets to go off, f*ck other guys and have fun, yet still has you pining after her back at home. You need to take charge of this situation and get rid. She clearly has no respect or love for you if it doesn't bother her that she's hurting you by pulling other guys.
As for the no affection towards you, that's just another reason to get rid. Oh so maybe she had childhood issues that means she doesn't show affection? Well tough sh1t, she needs to deal with that, you're not her security comfort blanket she can just pick up and put down when she needs.
I don't believe she'd stay faithful if she agreed to a closed relationship, far too easy to cheat and you never to find out when she's away for 6 months!

[marman]

Well... travelling *is* great. But I also think it is not something you do for the rest of your life. That's why I mentioned the different stages - at a different stage in her life, when she is done with travelling, things might not be as difficult.
I don't know, of course, I don't know you or her. But I believe the fact that right now she is at a stage where she wants to experience life makes it all the more difficult. It might not be like this at a different point.

[Reaper]

which is where the whole suck it up comes into play, I feel like eventually she will reach that point. My job I can do from anywhere in the world at any time. No place commitment. So, that's why im debating on just sticking around supporting her until she feels shes ready. And I feel like the longer I stick around just to be with her for what I have, the more likely she is to see I'm sticking around regardless. Shes never stayed in one place longer than a few years. Shes lived in Mexico, France, Nepal, America and never has anyone even offered to stick around and at first that was the most important thing to her. So assuming thats still how she feels, Thats why the sucking it up is an option. Just hoping it'll pay off back

[Boisdevie]

Thats why the sucking it up is an option. Just hoping it'll pay off back

My friend you are kidding yourself.

[ConniptionFit]

My friend you are kidding yourself.

Yep.

OP, read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" and then interchange the sexes.

People who are interested act interested.