Called my girlfriend the wrong name

[Geronimo]

I called my girlfriend by the ex wifes name. We have been together for 4 years and living together for almost 2 years. It happened on the day of my Dad's funeral, I had a few to drink and was pretty emotional, Iwas talking to my sister asking where my girlfriend was but mistakenly used my exs name. My girlfriend heard me say this and got very upset. I have no idea why I said it, and I am now very contious about it every day. I now worry that i will do it again, because I dont understand how I did it the last time. Its driving me crazy.
I have no feelings at all for my ex-wife, I love my girlfriend to bits. She is everything to me, but she is now threatening to leave me if i do it again.
I keep apologizing in every way I can think of but she will not accept it. She now believes I still want my ex and that I no longer love her. Its driving me crazy and driving us apart.
This is now 2 months ago since it happened, my relationship is on the rocks. I wish it never happened and that i never hurt my girlfriend, but I fear its too late for us.
Any advice is welcome.
Thanks

[smackie9]

Women (not all) feel they should be the only woman their man's mind at all times. That's a pile of crap because I know that men thing about different women, have fantasies, etc, even if they are in a great relationship, that's how men are wired.

I also understand that you can't completely erase someone from your memory that you thought dearly of and that was a big part of your life at one time.

Maybe she felt the shadow of your ex through out your relationship without you even noticing it, and with you accidentally called her by your exes name it was the last straw.
There are probably other things compounding this too. Maybe she thinking your relationship will never be concrete for marriage, there's no ring, and whatever else.

You don't want to lose her, then make the effort for you both to get couples counseling so you both can work through this and the other issues she may have.

[maxmax]

She is everything to me, but she is now threatening to leave me if i do it again.

That's pretty harsh. What is her issue exactly?

This was your dad's funeral. You were drunk, and I take it quite emotional too?

Our brains sometimes do strange things when we're under emotional strain, and alcohol certainly doesn't help. If she were in any way supportive, she would understand and not think anything of it.

Does she have insecurity issues, or perhaps she is just a little selfish? Unless there are other reasons for her to threaten you with a break-up then she being completely out of order. You shouldn't keep apologising, and if things don't improve then perhaps this is the sign you needed to show you that she really isn't very good at dealing with complications in relationships.

[smackie9]

I can see if the relationship as only like 6 months old then the relationship would be a wash, but you both have 4 years invested with each other, and I'm guessing future plans to get married one day. So I don't think it's over or she would have walked right after. It's two months in and she is still with you...pissed off mind you, so she is waiting for you to make the next move and you better make it quick. She wants you to know the pain she is going through, she truly wants you to acknowledge the hurt and feel it. So tell her you want to and need to understand what she is going through, you want to know her pain. Tell her to let loose and get it all out, say what she needs to say. If that doesn't work then go for the counseling like I suggested before.

[ConniptionFit]

Dump her and find a girlfriend who has some self-esteem.

[Cinnabella]

Dump her and find a girlfriend who has some self-esteem.

Give a more meaningful advice will you? Bs.

[ConniptionFit]

Give a more meaningful advice will you? Bs.

It's natural to have occasional slips and accidentally say someone's name that you were married to for years, especially in times of stress.

A girl who freaks out and punishes a guy because he accidentally says his ex's name has no business being in a relationship.

Only a guy who is a doormat would put up with b.s. pain-in-the-ass behavior like that.

[maxmax]

Only a guy who is a doormat would put up with b.s. pain-in-the-ass behavior like that.

Or, someone who is in a long-term relationship, cares deeply for someone, loves them, and is deeply pained by the way they are being treated and aren't sure how best to address the issue.

That's not being a doormat.

[ConniptionFit]

Or, someone who is in a long-term relationship, cares deeply for someone, loves them, and is deeply pained by the way they are being treated and aren't sure how best to address the issue.

That's not being a doormat.

Someone who is not acting like a doormat simply explains why his needs are not being met, how he feels about the situation, and works with his partner to remedy the situation.

Phrasing it as "not being sure how to best address the situation" is simply a rationalization for having to tip-toe around a pain-in-the-ass girl whose reaction the guy is afraid of.

BTW, staying with someone who doesn't treat you well is generally being a doormat in the first place.

[maxmax]

Someone who is not acting like a doormat simply explains why his needs are not being met, how he feels about the situation, and works with his partner to remedy the situation.

And what gives you the impression that he hasn't done the above? Why would you make that assumption?

Phrasing it as "not being sure how to best address the situation" is simply a rationalization for having to tip-toe around a pain-in-the-ass girl whose reaction the guy is afraid of.

BTW, staying with someone who doesn't treat you well is generally being a doormat in the first place.

Again, where in anything that the OP has written is it suggested that he is afraid of her reaction? He clearly states he has been trying to sort this out. He has spoken to her about it on numerous occasions and tried to rectify, and yet you think this is 'tip-toeing'?

And he is being a doormat because he has tried over the past two months to improve the situation and rescue a 4 year relationship?

You must have quite a severe and unrealistic view of dealing with problematic relationships. Either you are very intollerant in relationships, or you haven't been in many to begin with.

I'm not even sure you read the OP's post properly.

[Geronimo]

That's pretty harsh. What is her issue exactly?

Does she have insecurity issues, or perhaps she is just a little selfish? Unless there are other reasons for her to threaten you with a break-up then she being completely out of order. You shouldn't keep apologising, and if things don't improve then perhaps this is the sign you needed to show you that she really isn't very good at dealing with complications in relationships.

maxmax
I was married for 16 years before leaving my ex. then 1 year single before I met my current girlfriend. Her issue is that after I said my exs name, she no longer believed I loved her and claimed I still have feelings for my ex. I understand that she was hurt when it happened, and that the pain could linger for a few days.
She certainly has had insecurity issues with my ex. I have 2 older kids of which she has little relationship with.
I am 42 and my girlfriend is 12 years younger than myself, I do not believe there are other issues in our relationship. Until this happened I thought we were the perfect couple.

Today I wrote her a poem, expressing my love and feelings towards her. Spent 3 hours writing it. Her response? only words, wheres the proof. Im on the virge of giving up, I think I know the writing is on the wall. Only, 2 months ago my life was perfect... until that day.
Do I sound melodramatic?
Thanks for the advice.

[Geronimo]

Dump her and find a girlfriend who has some self-esteem.

Appreciate your bluntness... and you do have a point. I cannot just give up so easily...

thanks

[maxmax]

Today I wrote her a poem, expressing my love and feelings towards her. Spent 3 hours writing it. Her response? only words, wheres the proof. Im on the virge of giving up, I think I know the writing is on the wall. Only, 2 months ago my life was perfect... until that day.

Proof?

Give her the only proof you can.

Next time you see each other tell her EXACTLY what you think and feel. If the relationship is going to end, at least let it end knowing you have said everything you needed to and that you said all you could to get her to understand the way you feel.

If that is not enough for her, then there is little else you can do.

Good luck.

[Geronimo]

A girl who freaks out and punishes a guy because he accidentally says his ex's name has no business being in a relationship.

Only a guy who is a doormat would put up with b.s. pain-in-the-ass behavior like that.

I think you have a point about her however, I only want to save a 4 year relationship with someone I love. I call it patience and maturity, not a doormat.

[ConniptionFit]

And what gives you the impression that he hasn't done the above? Why would you make that assumption?



Again, where in anything that the OP has written is it suggested that he is afraid of her reaction? He clearly states he has been trying to sort this out. He has spoken to her about it on numerous occasions and tried to rectify, and yet you think this is 'tip-toeing'?

And he is being a doormat because he has tried over the past two months to improve the situation and rescue a 4 year relationship?

You must have quite a severe and unrealistic view of dealing with problematic relationships. Either you are very intollerant in relationships, or you haven't been in many to begin with.

I'm not even sure you read the OP's post properly.

Sounds like you need to read the original post.


Read the bold. If you don't understand this is being a doormat, there is something seriously wrong with you.

I have no idea why I said it, and I am now very contious about it every day. I now worry that i will do it again, because I dont understand how I did it the last time. Its driving me crazy.
I have no feelings at all for my ex-wife, I love my girlfriend to bits. She is everything to me, but she is now threatening to leave me if i do it again.
I keep apologizing in every way I can think of but she will not accept it. She now believes I still want my ex and that I no longer love her. Its driving me crazy and driving us apart.
This is now 2 months ago since it happened, my relationship is on the rocks. I wish it never happened and that i never hurt my girlfriend, but I fear its too late for us.
Any advice is welcome.
Thanks