My man cheated before, but not on me...

[ehvah9]

Hey so I have a question- from a guy's perspective, my guy cheated on his ex-wife before (this action ended the marriage even though neither party was satisfied, they hardly ever had sex and he ended the affair after 4 months) and he shows complete remorse any time we talk about it... during the divorce he admitted his transgressions and even gave her thousands of $$ because of it, even bawled in front of me when he told me...is this a character flaw I need to worry about or was it just a huge mistake that will not be repeated? He admits to never have cheated before...we have been together a yr and half and he has not shown any sign of transgressions. Should I ever be worried about him straying if we're in hard times or were his ex and him truly incompatible and he was looking for a way out of the relationship???

[IncognitoSir]

Well, we can't really answer that for you. Some people believe once a cheater always a cheater. On the the other hand, he's your bf and you should trust him enough to believe he wouldn't cheat on you. Everyone has a past filled with mistakes, would you want him to hold any of your past mistakes against you now? You're already worried about it so now you have to decide if you're going to let that eat away at you or keep moving forward with your bf. In any relationship, I try to keep my "eyes open" at all times, but if you have no reason to lose any trust in the other person don't allow your thoughts or insecurities turn into distrust.

[Wakeup]

You've been with him for a year and a half and you're just now being concerned about this? How come now, what brought on your angst about this?

I'd be more concerned that he's not over the breakup of his marriage if he's crying about the past still. He's not come to terms with things or processed his emotions, perhaps. Just how quick did he get with you after his marriage ended?

Anyway, you can't predict what this man will do so there's no sense worrying about it as long as he's not showing any red flag behaviour. If he does start to show signs then don't ignore them in hopes they'll go away. Take your relationship one happy day at a time and quit worrying about the future.

[ConniptionFit]

If it was a one time thing, and he's not a flirt or a "ladies man", you probably only have to worry if your sex life becomes unsatisfactory to him.

[pepsidude]

As long as the sexual life is okay with him, i.e. you both are satisfied with the quality and amount of intimacy you are getting there shouldnt be any problems. Unless he is a womanizer, but based on your description he doesn't seem that way. So take it easy

[hello1]

Long as you make it clear it's over if he cheats then he shouldn't do it too you...long as he loves you and realises mistakes from past.

[HeartIsAching]

Cheating is an abusive behavior, and abusers continue their behaviors because there are no serious consequences for them - it sounds to me as if he got serious consequences the last time he cheated.

It's POSSIBLE that he won't do it again. Most cheaters will cheat again unless there is some sort of life-changing event that makes them see the error of their ways.

[IndiReloaded]

Regardless of the state of his marriage, he chose to cheat. This does give you information about his morals, self-control and ability to commit. Still, people do make mistakes and regret them.

It doesn't sound like this was a one-night stand, but an actual affair. So, did his wife 'find out' or did he confess? I would be far more concerned if he was cheating behind her back and was caught b/c that makes him a liar as well as a cheat.