Could there be friendship after a relationship

[kewlguy]

Hi, I have a scenario and will like your input.

My girlfriend broke up with me several years ago but I haven't gotten over her. She believe's I have but absence makes the heart grow fonder. She doesn't want to have anything to do with me apart from being friends. She keeps in contact a couple times for the year and says that we are still friends but she's too busy otherwise. I feel really depressed when am making the effort to keep things alive and the other person is like taking you for granted.

Couple months ago she told me there was someone else in her life but they are no longer together. Last month she said she's going through some challenging times with her boyfriend. Am not sure if there is one or none.

I kept telling her that it was really hurting how she's been treating me - making me feel as if am non-existent and then whenever we spoke, it's like she doesn't want to be there. I always ask if this is how she treats her new friends and this really ticks her off. She recently met someone at a fast food outlet and during the second conversation, contact numbers were exchanged and she call every few days to ensure he's good.

In April, I invited her to our company's celebration which she accepted. Big mistake carrying her .... she was upset for several reasons and did a pretty good job and making me feel badly myself. The person from the fast food outlet had already know of what she was wearing, who she was going with and where she was going. I was like.... what, all that in just 2 conversations/ meeting??????

Last Saturday, she called and apologised for how she's been treating me. She spoke with a friend who advised her. Her reason is that she remembers the bad in our relationship and that's affecting her, when it comes to do anything with me.

When I asked, she said we may become close friends as we were previously to our relationship but she can't say when.

Is this a tatic to make me feel better by saying it but really has no intentions of becoming as close friends as before? Was it for her to feel more comfortable with herself? Was it an informal goodbye?

[Cerby]

I ask you this - why are you still sticking around?

You still have feelings for her, so why are you continuing to chase someone who just simply isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you? If you had cut her off when you broke up, you'd be so far over her by now that life would be better.

You've chosen to stand in the fire here, and based on your feelings, a friendship is not an option.

[kewlguy]

Even though I have strong feelings for her, I have accepted the fact of being nothing more than friends. The thing is, it feels like unrequited friendship. She's not willing to make the effort but still says that we are friends.

Am still confused about her calling to apologise for how she's been treating me lately.

[Cerby]

Honestly, if someone doesn't return the friendship, they're not a friend.

Its that simple, you're trying to befriend someone who doesn't care enough to show it back.

[abn25]

I totally agree, tried to be friends with my ex who really broke my heart. Thing is I was definitely there for him, to listen about his other ex's, and I did him a few favors recently when he asked even though everyone advised me not too. Since then Ive come to realize that even if we are friends, he is not there for me when i wanna talk etc, so he really isnt even treating me as a friend as it seems she isnt to you. You already explained it hurt you though, and thats all you can do. If that "ticked her off" I would tell her again shes just bringing up old wounds and until she's clear on what she wants not to call and otherwise take a hike. You wil feel hurt but really relieved and liberated. Hope you the best.

[Wakeup]

Wanting to be friends with someone after a breakup stems from fear and the inability to process your pain on your own. Do the work to get over her and wanting the crumbs she gives you and let her go. She has basically told you in more ways then one to don't expect her to be in your life in any capacity.
Go zero contact. You'll get over her and the need to have her in your life once you reach the stage of indifference to her. Once you reach the stage of emotionally indifferent to her you'll be open to finding a girl who wants to be with you in all ways.