Need Help Assessing this Situation...

[MoonlightKnight]

Alright, I've been hanging out with a girl for roughly three or four months now... I like her a lot and told her how I feel... Here's a chat log with her response... I'm having trouble determining if she's rejecting me because she's genuinely not interested in me, or if her personal issues are too great. I know for a fact her difficulties are real and as severe as the chat suggests, but I'm not sure how much of an effect it has on her decision here... I need help interpreting what is going on here...


*We have been in contact since... Most of those conversations weren't great... My insecurities were exposed, and it was all bad... However, I managed to shore things up a bit, and pull it together... At one time she asked for 'time alone,' but contacted me again after about 8 days, in a follow-up chat (can post if requested). Now we have a meeting set-up for later this week... How should I interpret all of this and proceed???

[ConniptionFit]

Sheesh... that was a drama fest of depression.

[MoonlightKnight]

Well yes... Tell me about it... Do you have any advice to help me out???

[MoonlightKnight]

eh.... bump...

[Riku]

Sorry to say but I don't think she's interested in you regardless of her problems. Why would she put up a dating profile while you two were dating? That doesn't make sense. She wants you to be her friend but that's all IMO.

[MoonlightKnight]

Wow that's really hurtful news. I was hoping it would be just the opposite...

The dating profile stuff occurred before I knew her at all.... We never were dating anyway... I'm just trying to gauge her interest to determine how I should proceed with this situation. Any input on that part of the question?

I'll admit that conclusion seems odd considering that she has stated on more than one occasion that she admires me, she also praises my appearance a lot, and even when I displayed insecurity following the above chat, prompting her to request 'time alone,' she contacted me again in less than two weeks... She also, requested to meet me again later this week... How should I handle that?

[VincenzoG91]

You're trapped in the Friend Zone. We see this here all the time. You want a girlfriend but she just wants a friend.

Maybe you could try to be original, and not just exactly like all the other Friend Zone guys... why don't you try dating other women while maintaining your hopeless and platonic friendship with your "friend?" You're not even really dating her, so this wouldn't be cheating. Just ask other women out, date them, and see what happens.

[Riku]

In the chat log she says "recently I went on this dating site" which tells me it has been since you've hung out with her/known her and means she's not interested in you as far as dating. I think you are just friends in her mind and she knows you like her so she tries to push you away by saying you deserve better. Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear. But honestly it's for the best for you, she obviously has emotional issues, don't let it drag you down.

[MoonlightKnight]

You're trapped in the Friend Zone. We see this here all the time. You want a girlfriend but she just wants a friend.

Maybe you could try to be original, and not just exactly like all the other Friend Zone guys... why don't you try dating other women while maintaining your hopeless and platonic friendship with your "friend?" You're not even really dating her, so this wouldn't be cheating. Just ask other women out, date them, and see what happens.

Yes, this is what I was fearing all along. I desperately tried to avoid this situation, but failed once more. I was hoping that her situation was the only thing preventing the relationship from starting... Maybe I was just blind... I'm supposed to meet her later this week... Any ideas on how I can fight my way back into the light?

[MoonlightKnight]

In the chat log she says "recently I went on this dating site" which tells me it has been since you've hung out with her/known her and means she's not interested in you as far as dating. I think you are just friends in her mind and she knows you like her so she tries to push you away by saying you deserve better. Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear. But honestly it's for the best for you, she obviously has emotional issues, don't let it drag you down.

It may be true that she did this during the time that I knew her. It would make sense considering how forward she was with me when we first met. However, I wasn't interested in her at that time. The interest grew over time, after meeting with her several times after class at her request. As a matter of fact, I expressed interest in her the day before this chat occurred. At that time she said she was surprised by it...

In any event, I'm supposed to meet with her soon... How should I proceed?

[MoonlightKnight]

Here's a more recent chat dialogue.... This is the first contact she made with me after requesting time alone....


How does this affect the situation?

[MoonlightKnight]

Are there any more opinions??? Can someone help me out on how to proceed from here?

[IncognitoSir]

She's playful, but she's ONLY useing you for emotional support. Once she pulls herself together, she's gonna date someone else, not her friend (you).

[VincenzoG91]

Cute conversation. Reminds me a lot of the conversations that I had with a woman who I dated briefly, years ago. After two dates, I wanted to get serious... and she wanted to just be friends. So I did what I always did at that point in my life, I played along with the just-friends situation for months, hoping that I could still win her over. Never happened, with her or with the other women I went through this with. I've heard of guys escaping the Friend Zone, but I consider those stories to be urban legends and nothing to do with my life.

Eventually, it got ridiculous, and I actually had two just-friends women in my life at the same time, and they even met once. (I was such a nice guy back then that women who went out with me often wanted to be my friend afterwards. *puke*) Let's call them Jen and Claudia, because I can't even remember Jen's name anymore, since that was in the mid-'90s. I was hanging out with Jen, who was being supportive after I recently got dumped and friended by Claudia. But Jen needed me to take off, because some guy was coming over to pick her up for a date at 7:00. Only I had locked my keys in my car, along with my coat, right in front of Jen's apartment. So I went back to Jen's place, interrupting her pre-date preparations, to use her phone to call Claudia for a ride back to my place to get my spare keys. Jen made faces while I was on her phone and mocked Claudia's named after the call. Claw-dee-uh. Claw-dee-uh. Then Jen's date showed up early, and that was extremely awkward and uncomfortable for everybody. So Claudia shows up just in time to rescue me, as Jen and her date are ready to head out. Jen and Claudia gave each other the bitchface, and then they left and we left. Claudia and I were listening to our favorite radio station, and awkwardly an un-cut version of the new NIN song Closer came on... an entertaining but awkward first listen for both of us.

Anyway, don't get bogged down in the details, yours or mine, and look at the big picture. This just-friends stuff almost never goes anywhere happy, and you can waste a lot of time, effort and emotion on it. But you really don't need to do that. You're young and you can do better than this. Stop picking trivial details and attaching significance to them, because the important thing, the really, really important thing is that she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Understand that, stop kidding yourself about the value of a frustrating platonic relationship, and get on with your life. Don't even try to tell me there aren't any other women around for you to ask out, because we both know that would be a lie. Just move on.

[devonbrown]

Her being playful does not really equal interest on her part. I agree that you are in the friends zone. If there were a chance of escaping it, your sharing your insecurities with her probably would have hurt your cause more than you think. Women don't forget those type of things, and they definitely don't want to date people like that. They may be accepting of insecurities later on, but to start a relationship, they are probably not the things a woman wants to hear.

Going back to your initial post, about why she was rejecting you... The thing about it is this - the why doesn't even really matter. What matters is that she was rejecting you. You'll just make yourself crazy trying to figure out the why.

Good luck.