i need your advices people .

[paulie]

Girl: 19 years old - Boy: 21 years old

We have been together for a little bit more than a year and a half. We met at a night club where he had worked. At the time I was a pot smoker and he knew this. We had still gotten along and after we had hung out for a few months we went into a relationship.

I had stopped smoking pot and going to clubs/pubs for him because he didn’t want me to. He had stopped working at a club because he thought it was wrong, But still continued to work at a pub (as till now) and that’s only bcoz his currently studying double degree at uni and almost finished.

He helped me get into uni and would help me with my assignments and he actually guides me in my life and helps me step up in life. He wanted to marry me in the future & get engaged in a year time and had told me this several times.

For the last year & a half I had wanted to go out with my friends or brothers to a club and he wouldn’t allow this, he only wanted me to go if he was with me. But he never wanted to go. We had only gone a couple of times during that period. Also taking me to other things all the time like nice and expensive dinners, movies, holiday etc. He would do anything besides clubs.
Over all I had got sick of him telling not to go to clubs or pubs with my friends. Also he didn’t like me to kiss any guys hello on the cheek even if i had known them a lot longer and my brother mates (which i am very close to my brother).

I had promised him i wouldn’t go to the club or smoke ever again. But one time we had broken up (my decision) bcos i wanted to hang out with my friends at a club/hotel & smoke pot and watch the hangover 2 at the movies. Anyways when we had broken up for a small period of time i had gone to hotel with my friends and I got drunk and felt sick so I jumped on a cab to go home. The next day i had also smoked pot at my girlfriend’s house. He had then taken me back because i told him that the things I've done above wasn’t worth anything over him.

He only doesn’t want me to go to clubs/ hotels by myself becos he doesn't trust the other guys, but he does trust me heaps. He only wants me to go to clubs/hotels with him or my brothers. And he hates drugs and he thinks it is really bad for me.
Anyway... My Bf truly loves me more than anything, respects me, does everything for me and I love him the same way, he still treats me like I am the only girl on the earth. All my family, friends, his friends and everyone I know loves and respects him bcoz he his really respectful person. So many people I know including my brothers tells me that he is like a 3 eyed fish which means his different to every other guy and I cant ever able to find a guy like him on this earth.

Here are some questions:

1. Do you think i should be able to go to clubs/hotels with girls, without going with my brother or my boyfriend?

2. Do you think i should be able to smoke pot and do other drugs?

3. He also doesn’t want me to work at a pub/hotel, but he is working at a pub/hotel. Do you think that it is fair? And do you think that i should be able to work at a pub/hotel?

[sucker4punish]

Hunnie, You are only 19 you should be able to do whatever you like and have as much fun as you want! Don't let anyone hold you back from having fun at this age!.

As for the drugs.. they arent' good for you and you shouldn't be doing them

As for the boyfriend. If you aren't exceptionally happy in your life then leave. Figure out what makes you happy and then find someone that compliments that!

[paulie]

Hunnie, You are only 19 you should be able to do whatever you like and have as much fun as you want! Don't let anyone hold you back from having fun at this age!.

As for the drugs.. they arent' good for you and you shouldn't be doing them

As for the boyfriend. If you aren't exceptionally happy in your life then leave. Figure out what makes you happy and then find someone that compliments that!

I know & his young too. i wanna be able to do those things but than i will lose him. I might not regret it but i know when i get over those things i will be regretting leaving him in a time

[Wakeup]

You've put this in three sub forums which is just overkill.

I answered in more detail in the Ask a Female forum. I'll just say here that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You need to grow up and decide what is more important to you: Doing things that you will soon outgrow wanting do do anyway or giving them up now and staying with your boyfriend.

You've already broken up with him once over this and then begged him to take you back when you realized that he was more important to you then drinking, drugs and clubbing. Grow up and decide for good what is more important. Before you do anything ask him to compromise a little bit and at least take you out dancing once every other month or something. You don't need to be going to clubs to dance, drink and smoke dope while you get the attention of strange men.

[ConniptionFit]

You have a substance abuse problem. He is insecure and controlling.

Not a good mix.

[devonbrown]

He sounds controlling, but working at a pub/club, he probably has seent he worst of people because of drugs and alcohol. When he says he doesn't trust other guys but trusts you, he means that he trusts you when you are sober. But if you are doing drugs or drinking, your ability to make good decisions goes down.

The fact is that he and you appear to have different views and values about things like going out to pubs/clubs and doing drugs. These differences might not matter in 10 years, but right now it is very important to both of you. If you can not come to a middle ground agreement on this, it is probably not going to work out long term, I'm sorry to say.

Good luck.