Help me decode... Is she being genuine?

[xilulus]

I was dating this girl for a while. It's complicated because she is going through a messy, stressful divorce.

After a few weeks, the day after we had a great weekend of doing stuff together happily, she asks me to drive down to her place on a work evening only to break up with me.

She says that I am a really nice guy but she is not ready to be in a relationship right now because of all the stuff going on in her life, and she wants to try being independent for a while.

I was being very comforting of her and constantly reminded her of her strength and reassured her. I thought I was helping, not hurting.

I am trying to decide whether this reason is BS or not.

What should I do? I've never dated someone who was going though a divorce like this. Is this a real issue for her or is she using it to mask some other reason for dumping me?

[flynhayn]

She's telling the truth.... trust me man. It's not BS, and It's definitely not you, she really needs some time to let things from the divorce cool down. She's very smart, and it's actually very considerate of her to do this. It's completely normal and natural for someone to feel the need to deal with a breakup/divorce even when they're 100% sure of it.... and the fact that she wants to do that away from you instead of dragging you through the process is a very good thing. Just worry about yourself for now until she's ready, but she needs her space.

[xilulus]

Ok... but the thing is she also wants to remain friends in a big way.

She is still texting me as much as she was before we broke up, and I've been distant in my replies. I told her I need to "decompress" for a while before we start chatting again, which is true.

But should I maintain my supportiveness/friendliness or am I just going to be her cry pillow until she moves on to the next guy?

[flynhayn]

That means she does like you.... and she doesn't want you to think that she's abandoning you. Plus, she still may not be able to handle being away from you which is why she keeps in contact just as much as before. In any case, you need to play it right.... she definitely needs her space so you're going to have to put a distance between you somehow, but don't do it so much that she thinks you're dropping her altogether. Reassure her that you genuinely care for her and you want all of this done correctly so you can both be completely focused on each other when she is ready.

[Deeza07]

I agree with whats been said, having been the one to go through a divorce. She won't truly be herself until she has everything sorted, she won't be able to give you all of herself until she has severed ties with her past relationship. Take what she says for what it is. She wants to remain friends with you, and she will need someone she trusts to talk to...for you, I can understand it will be difficult given you have feelings for her which are obviously more than 'friend' feelings...but if you show you care for her, are there for her then she will know that you are genuinely there for her through bad times as well as good...In saying that, I think taking some time for yourself initially will be good whilst still staying in contact with her.

[Ugly_Idiot]

I'm with someone who's going through a divorce too mate. Not the same situation though as were really good at present.

Like some of the others have said, take time for yourself. Let her sort her own life out. If she really wants you in the end she'll find you. Yea keep in touch, but dont hold back on any new females coming your way

[DarkHelmet82]

I was dating this girl for a while. It's complicated because she is going through a messy, stressful divorce.

After a few weeks, the day after we had a great weekend of doing stuff together happily, she asks me to drive down to her place on a work evening only to break up with me.

She says that I am a really nice guy but she is not ready to be in a relationship right now because of all the stuff going on in her life, and she wants to try being independent for a while.

I was being very comforting of her and constantly reminded her of her strength and reassured her. I thought I was helping, not hurting.

I am trying to decide whether this reason is BS or not.

What should I do? I've never dated someone who was going though a divorce like this. Is this a real issue for her or is she using it to mask some other reason for dumping me?

Wow were you dating my ex? Almost the exact same situation that I had... Heres what happened with me..

She gave me the same lines, "I like you but need to be single, I need to confront my issues. I swept my issues under the rug, and I just need to be single for a while. This has nothing to do with you. If we had met a month or two later things would be different." As of yesterday she STILL isnt ready yet but does like me. she said "i still feel the same as i did a month ago." which was that she isnt ready for a relationship, and couldnt commit 100%, but her feelings for me are there.. I also got the "i really want to remain friends" line after the breakup too. BUT again as of yesterday she thought that being friends would just be awkward. We both agreed that it may work out in the future, but also realized it may not and that we dont know what will happen. The friendship stuff NEVER works.. at least not initially. She knows how i feel about her and I know how she feels about me.. the timing is just off.

Same thing with you.. timing is KEY in a relationship. I contacted her to get closure and all I got was more hope. HOPE=BAD

DONT get strung along.. its happening to me right now and trust me clinging to that hope you will get back is the worst thing you can do.

[xilulus]

Update: Guess she wasn't being genuine... a few weeks later I find out she's dating someone else.

Well, crap. I am finding it hard to get over her since we work together every day (It was my first workplace relationship). I am just pissed that she basically rejected me with this BS excuse.... obviously covering up the real reason, which my imagination is constantly racing to figure out.

Oh well.

[bluesummer]

I've been divorced, so I can tell you from experience that when you're going through it the LAST thing you are looking for is another serious relationship. You just got out of one and it's costing a lot of money, which sort of takes the appeal out of another one. She was probably having fun with you but maybe saw signs you took it more seriously than she did and backed off. The new guy won't last long either, so don't feel bad. In the future, if you ever meet a freshly divorced woman, only go into it with the understanding that you're probably just a rebound guy.

[MarkAPS]

Well, let's see, she put you in the "nice guy" and "friend" zone - basically, she's not attracted to you.

[ramramita]

i think you should not leave her, just be with her as she likes being with you.May be after some time,she can accept you as a new partner,just give her some time.

[Borealis]

If it begins bad it'll end bad. I wouldn't step into this territory at all.

[timwal]

She's been honest. She needs time to get over the divorce and looks like she's not emotinally ready for another relatioship. Give her some time and distance. You have the choice to either wait form her or move on with your life

[Wakeup]

I was dating this girl for a while. It's complicated because she is going through a messy, stressful divorce.

That's a red flag that no one should ever ignore. Google "Rebound Relationship" and educate yourself.

You'd be doing yourself a favor if you try and find someone who has emotionally processed one relationship completely before starting another.