Long read, but really needing some advice

[hinkleman]

I met a girl fourteen years ago. We had pretty much a fantastic (Good as it gets) two and a half years, we had talk of marriage, but the last year wasn’t so good and the break up was horrible. Mostly on my part I might add.

We fell out of contact, I went off got married (Which she told me not to do and was right), and then two years ago I got divorced. About a year ago we ended up getting back in contact with each other through facebook. Slowly it has evolved to the point where we spend pretty much 100% of our free time in some form together. Even when we are working not an hour or two goes by someone doesn’t get a text from the other. The past month we have spent every weekend with each other. In past hour alone 6 (now 8) text messages have been sent back and forth and its been like this non stop for a while.

This is all things you would expect from a happy couple. We would appear to ANYONE as a very happy couple. However, there is nothing even remotely romantically happening between the two of us. We have never even as much kissed one another let alone had sex since getting back in contact. When we stay over with each other one takes a bed and another takes the other bed. We don’t even hold hands when we see a movie...

About two months ago (When we started staying overnight with one another) I brought up to her basically I would like to take our friendship into a relationship. She late last year basically had got dumped by another guy she really cared about and she told me “I don’t want to be in a relationship, it has nothing to do with you. I have had some really bad experiences and don’t want to do it again with anyone”. She added though to give it time, and perhaps things would change BUT she also added “She didn’t think so but it might”. She then went on to say if she really cared for someone she would wait it out and hope for the best...

So I did what she said she would do and “ride the tide” see what happens (Its been right at two months now since that talk). And though we spend all our time together any talk about the two of us having a relationship though has completely ceased to be. I figure if her mind changes she will inform me in some manner. She has shown zero change in her opinion of the matter as far as I can tell other than increased time spent together and spending weekends together. In fact we are planning two weekend trips in next month.

This “waiting” part was going alright and was dealing with it o.k. until this past weekend....

She wants me to meet her friends, even talked about going out on a double date with her friend and her boyfriend (But didn’t call it a date... Just dinner, movie, little drinking after wards, which most of us would refer to as a date). I said to her it would be kind of odd because our past and such. She said not to worry about it they knew the situation. The conversation ended abruptly through no fault of our own and we never talked about it again that night. This left me thinking... Her other friends know the situation but I don’t....

The sorest spot though happen when she told me last week that she was having a really bad day and was sad. She didn’t tell me why until couple days later. She went on to say how she seen others who are married, with children, having “That” life and she doesn’t and it makes her sad. She says this to me knowing my interest. Plus she talks sometimes to me about things one wouldn’t talk to your boyfriend/husband/even someone you just started dating. Things you would talk over with your “friend". Granted the times she has done this we both had few drinks in us.

Now I’m starting to get the vibe that I am just filler until someone else comes along. Also I am feeling like at the end of the day I am going to be coming away from this feeling very, very stupid. She is pretty much only friend I have where I live so that is not helping. I am in a really bad spot here.

So I ask the question... What should I do here? Should I keep plugging along for while longer? Or should start to slowly cut off communication with her and wrap it up see what else the world has to offer.

I know for certain I care a lot for this girl, and would do pretty much anything to get things back where I’d like them to be. With that said though... I don’t want to be a filler to anyone. I for certain would rather leave on my own then find out another guy has came into the scene.

Any help would be great. This is starting to bother me quite a bit and I really don’t know what to do and think some outside prospective and advice would be great. Sorry for the length of this post. I know its huge, but its a very complex issue I am dealing with. Perhaps the most important one I have dealt with in many many years. I am really hoping after browsing here I can get some help/advice/prospective on this issue.

[hinkleman]

Giving this a bump. Could use as much insight/advice as possible :/

[OmnicronPercei8]

It sounds like to me that she's just spinning her wheels. Are you sure she's even interested? IMO she's interested in keeping you as a platonic friend for now and if you have romantic feelings for her you have two sensible options to pick from. You can either approach the subject again so you can have an answer and move on with your lives either with or without each other, or you can move on without her, distance yourself, and just be that platonic friend. I would say that she's had enough time to consider you to be a romantic partner or not and if you're good to her and she's stalling because she's looking for something with someone else or just not in the right place in life to pursue that with anyone then you deserve to go out there and find your own happiness.

Of course you can just sit and waste your life away for something that may happen, but given that it's taken this long and you've shown your interest before, I wouldn't hold my breath for that personally.