Beautiful 5 year relationship ends in tragedy. Heartbroken in Southern California

[akaskribb]

I am a 20 year old male college student, and my 19 year old girlfriend left me for someone else. I was with her since December of 2006. For this last month we have been spending a lot of time together and it seemed to me that everything was great. We have been on and off for a while, but these last few moments were really special to me.

Until last Thursday. She found another guy to be with. It's really weird because in the last few weeks she has been really experimental with me with sex. We would do things that we never thought of doing, and ended up having sex 2-3 times a day. Then, as of Thursday, her best friend has been telling me that her and her new boyfriend have been having sex.

I went to go get tested and everything was fine for me. But I'm worried about her. Because she had unprotected sex with him as well as with me. Not to mention the guy that she is with now has slept around with 10+ other girls and also impregnated 1 of them. He also just got out of a relationship. She claims to be in love with him as well. She was the one who said it to him first. In a rage, I threatened to blackmail her with some incriminating sexual videos of us. Then, after I calmed down, I deleted them. She hates me now and wants nothing to do with me. She has burned all of her possessions that I gave her.

Right now, I am disgusted in her, and if she would come back to me, I would deny her in a second.

However, I do still love her and the moments we shared together. I want her to be happy and it seems like she is with him. I want to be with the person that she used to be, but now I have to cope with never being able to be with her again.

My question is, how do I go about doing that? How can I be happy? I feel like the better person because I am not a liar, a cheater, a sex addict, and I would never hurt anybody in a manner in which she has done to me. I feel like since she claims to be in love with somebody she has been with for a few days that she is immature and naive. But at the same time I feel so belittled, unappreciated, disrespected, and used.

It is the beginning of Summer, and my 21st birthday is in a few days.

I sleep late, dream of her, and wake up way too early, never being able to get any sleep in the bed that we've made love in for years.

Help?

[SunnyJD]

No contact! ive been reading about this a lot here on love forum. this is like everybodys' first response to this kind of situation because im going through the same thing right now, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because she needed space, she didnt love me anymore, she was unhappy, and we could just not be together anymore but just this past week i found out that she is already with another guy and he is sleeping at the apartment. ive gone through all the same emotions you are going through right now sad, mad, furious, hate, but i am trying this no contact with her and i really didnt start it yet because i still have to get my stuff from the apartment and switch the name of the electric to her name but after that i am going to go no contact. dont text her, delete her on facebook, have no contact with her at all. Wakeup (a member on love forum) posted on my story about my relationship he said "zero contact leads to indifference.. indifference leads you to emotional freedom from the past." if you stop talking to her you will eventually forget about her and be happy with yourself again and then can get back out there looking for a girl who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with her.

[akaskribb]

I think I can do fine with No Contact, but the biggest thing that I can't get out of my head are the images of her and another man in the same bed. I don't know why these images keep coming back into my head. I know nothing good will come from it, and that I won't be able to move on from it. It's like a virus that won't go away no matter how hard I try to kill it. No matter what I'm doing, no matter what I'm thinking about I just can stop thinking about all of the sex they're having, and they are having a lot of it. I know.

[SunnyJD]

i still had feelings for my ex all this past week and i still do, but back to this past week. she asked me to do something for her and of course i was right there to do it for her because i love her. she needed me to get her cell phone charger and bring it to her work, so i did. when i got there and gave it to her i was standing on the other side of the counter and i saw a f**king hicky on her neck, at that second my heart stopped, and then started beating so fast, i didnt know what to do i cant even explain how i felt, betrayed, stabbed in the back, i hated her so much for all this pain she has caused me. and ever since then i could not get the fact out of my head of some other a**hole kissing and sucking on her neck, the most horrible thing to picture in your head, then i found out that he is sleeping there- what used to be my apartment just 3 weeks ago. so i can only assume that they are having sex to. i cant bare to think about it, but the best thing for us to do is to not think of it even though it is so hard. ive been commenting on here on peoples posts and talking about this is helping a little bit. go be with your friends and go out meet new people. now that me and her arent together i can do whatever i want and she never liked me going out and drinking, so guess what i did, ive been going out and drinking with friends at bars and what not and it was fun. do what makes you happy and eventually you will start feeling better

[akaskribb]

It's really tough. I'm glad for being on these forums because it gives me perspective on how my situation isn't as horrible and uncommon as I may think. It's such a relief knowing that we can all help each other because we know what it is like.

Hopefully I can control these mental images and quickly drive them out of my system soon. I have a very vivid imagination and if I can't control it, my mind is going to rot.

[VincenzoG91]

You need to keep busy with other things in your life. Exercise. Focus on a hobby, or get a new hobby. Adopt a pet. Do some volunteer work. Spend more time with friends and family. Read some books. Rent some comedy dvds (though not romantic comedies).

[SunnyJD]

same here man, just think of yourself and get your happiness back, do it for you. also don't seek revenge in anyway, i think that that is a bad decision but trust me i was thinking about revenge a lot the past couple days, not until my good friend was telling me not to do that and to just let her see that you are doing fine without her even though that may be what she wants or doesnt want. and if she gets screwed over by the guy, which we are hoping, and they come back, we wont want them, payback is a b*tch!

[akaskribb]

VincenzoG91, I am. Honest to God I am. I've done everything I can. I've annoyed my friends indefinitely, found out I don't know how to play guitar, am playing basketball daily, and have come to the conclusion that Leonardo DiCaprio's character in Inception IS IN FACT dreaming.

Don't get me wrong, it helps. It definitely helps. I'm just in that phase where I know it's going to get better, but it's not better right now.

[VincenzoG91]

The very best thing to help you move on is to get involved with someone new, but that's tough to do at this stage. Maybe you could at least give it a try, like do a speed-dating thing, or try an online dating site. I wish I could recommend Craigslist, but you will probably be annoyed by all the spambots. The last time I tried CL, I answered 10 ads and got 14 spam responses and 0 real responses. Anyway, try not to go in with high expectations, just try to have fun.

[akaskribb]

SunnyJD, as I like to say, "Success is the best revenge."

Hopefully one day I will be content w/ where I am in my life and have plenty to show for it.

I'm not expecting her to come crawling back to me, even though I am hoping she will just so I can laugh and receive vindication. No, in all seriousness I should continue being polite and sincere to everyone around me, even if it is her 5 years down the line.

A part of me wishes bad luck upon her and the other part doesn't. I know the latter is right.

[akaskribb]

VincenzoG91, I would love the opportunity to be involved with somebody new, but I'm a one woman kind of guy, and if I try that method I want to make sure that that new person is somebody worth my time. Normally that doesn't happen overnight.

[VincenzoG91]

You're not really ready for a serious relationship right now, but casually dating could help keep you sharp for when you meet the right person. And who knows? You could possibly meet the right person through casual dating. Don't go into these dates looking for love or sex or anything serious at all, just think of it as meeting women and getting to know them a bit.

[akaskribb]

I understand. I'm really not used to casual dating. I used to think of it as a coward's way of saying that they won't commit. But now I see its benefits. I'm still young, and I'm learning. Hopefully I can learn a thing or two by staying on these forums.

I can really see the improvement in my confidence. I've been in situations like this before (this, obviously being the most severe case) and I think my experience in these kinds of moments have helped me these past few days. 4 days ago my goal was to commit murder. Now my goal is to enjoy my day without ever having a thought about her.

[akaskribb]

Anymore input would be appreciated... The more I don't talk about this to somebody the more the emotions set in...

[VincenzoG91]

I understand. I'm really not used to casual dating. I used to think of it as a coward's way of saying that they won't commit. But now I see its benefits. I'm still young, and I'm learning. Hopefully I can learn a thing or two by staying on these forums.

I can really see the improvement in my confidence. I've been in situations like this before (this, obviously being the most severe case) and I think my experience in these kinds of moments have helped me these past few days. 4 days ago my goal was to commit murder. Now my goal is to enjoy my day without ever having a thought about her.

I was very idealistic when I was young, and I was the same way about casual dating. I didn't want to bother unless I was already attracted, and then it wasn't casual at all, it was too serious too soon. But that isn't even the point of a first date under any reasonable circumstances. The point of a first date is to discover if there is any chemistry at all, and there is no point in getting serious before finding that out. Even the second date should just be verifying that the apparent chemistry of the first date is really there. So all first and second dates should be somewhat casual.