Am I a lazy, selfish boyfriend?

[jaykey]

Hi guys, i'm in my early 20s and so is my girlfriend. We've been going out more then 5 years and we love each other very much. Although we have a few problems that we can never fix. This is one of them and it really makes me think for hours if i'm a good boyfriend or not. It might seem stupid to others but its a major problem in my relationship.

My girlfriend works in the city and we both live in the suburbs 30kms from the city. she lives 30kms from me. jsut to give you a image of distance. we both drive and have cars and she usually takes the train to work in the mornings/afternoons. some days she'll ask me to take her to work and bring her back home on the same day.i will usually pick her up from work but only occasionally take her to work if there is a reason. i some times have a problem bringing her to work because sometimes i want to just have my own time and see her later or just feel like its too much driving.

she has a problem with this as she'll say that i'm her boyfriend and she should be able to rely on me when she wants me to take her some where which is fair enough. today we had an arguement/fight because i told her i wanted to have my own time today but she said she wanted me to take her to work. meaning id have to pick her up form her house, take her to work, drive back home and then 8 hours later drive to her work, drop her off to her house and then drive back to my house.

i stood my ground and told her i wanted the day for myself and that i'd pick her up after work. i've just been feeling very tired lately and was with my mum in the morning doing some shopping and other things since its my day off work. she told me that its not that i cant take her to work but its because i can't be bothered, she called me a sh#t boyfriend and that she can't rely on me etc. i asked her why she can't take her self to work (by train) and she said because she wanted more time to rest and so that she had time to make her lunch but the main thing was that she thinks i can't be bothered.

now this happens all the time and its really making me feel bad because i want to be there for her but i jsut feel like shes asking too much.i don't have a problem with picking her up but doing both feels like such a journey for me when she can easily take the train. she angry with me now and i'm left to feel like i'm a selfish lazy boyfriend.

now can some one tell me if i am? because if i am i am prepared to be better for her because this happens all the time and its really weakening our relationship. if i'm not the one in the wrong how do i approach her to get the subject across to her without hurting her feelings? i'm very confused and have been for a while as to know if what i'm doing is right or not. i lvoe her and i want her to be safe all the time which is also one of the reasons why she wants me to take her to work and pick her up, but at the same time i feel like i'm babying her and that she should be a little bit more independant. i just want to know if i'm wrong so i know to make it better.

thanks guys.

[Charlie Boy II]

You are not in the wrong. Your girlfriend is being a prima donna.

[MerryH]

Asking you to drive all that way just to take her to work when she has other means to get there is a pretty big imposition. I would never expect anyone, even a boyfriend, to regularly go out of his way just so I could sleep in a little longer, or whatever. You're not wrong. She shouldn't get mad at you over this.

Wait, I just read it again and noticed that you usually pick her up from work. Whoa, if she's getting mad at you for not taking her to work, too, that is bullshit.

Is this really the only problem in your relationship, or does she routinely call you a bad boyfriend to get what she wants?

[lisa2011]

You are not in the wrong. Your girlfriend is being a prima donna.

I agree. Sometimes girls can act too spoiled and demanding.

[Kristinaloves]

The title should if she is a lazy selfish girlfriend... and yes, she is. She could only be mad at you if you said you would pick her up and eventually didn't.

You are her boyfriend, not her slave. She has a car, she can drive, she can take the train.

You said that 'she wanted more time to rest and so that she had time to make her lunch', what about your time? I bet it takes you longer to get there, pick her up, drive to her work and drive home, and I really doubt she does the same thing for you.

My boyfriend does night shifts, and sometimes he finishes early in the morning when buses don't run often, so he walkes it up from the city centre home, which is about 40 minutes walk. He wouldn't even think about bothering anyone about picking him up. I walk everywhere by foot as well - although I can drive, I don't have a car, and buses are too expensive for me. I walk to uni, to work, to the city centre, to cheerleading training that is till late evening and I takes me about an hour walk get home, when I am already exhausted and sweaty.

[VincenzoG91]

Why don't you two move in together? You've been dating for five years. That would reduce the driving and be more convenient for both of you.

[girl68]

She's asking far too much. I would never ask this from a guy boyfriend or not. The *occasional* ride yes, certainly but to demand and expect it? For sleeping in For christ's sake not a chance.

[IndiReloaded]

she called me a sh#t boyfriend and that she can't rely on me etc. i asked her why she can't take her self to work (by train) and she said because she wanted more time to rest and so that she had time to make her lunch but the main thing was that she thinks i can't be bothered.

Really? You sound like a lovely boyfriend... all those times you DID drive her around and no appreciation for it. Now she's come to expect it. She sounds very ungrateful and demanding. Good luck if you stay with her, you'll need it.

Tell her to get up earlier and/or get her own car.