number of times he had sex

[Riku]

I can name a lot of 30-40year old virgins that aren't even that way for cultural reasons. They just got handed crappy luck for life and don't have the social skills to meet women. Dated a few of them in the lower range since I didn't really want to try dating guys more than 10 years older than me. It doesn't seem like we'd have much in common or be at the same places in our lives so I put my cut off there. It seems a very valid question to me.

Back to the situation I suppose...the problem that I have with the question that she asked is that who asks a 37 year old if they have HAD sex. Ask how many people they have been with ffs. If they say none then you know they are a virgin. But to ask if they have HAD sex is rude (and extremely weird) in my opinion. If you asked one of those guys who is a virgin..hey, have you had sex? How hurt do you think they would be? They are probably already self conscious about it and to ask it that way is basically saying..you seem like the type who can't get laid...

[shymaira]

Back to the situation I suppose...the problem that I have with the question that she asked is that who asks a 37 year old if they have HAD sex. Ask how many people they have been with ffs. If they say none then you know they are a virgin. But to ask if they have HAD sex is rude (and extremely weird) in my opinion. If you asked one of those guys who is a virgin..hey, have you had sex? How hurt do you think they would be? They are probably already self conscious about it and to ask it that way is basically saying..you seem like the type who can't get laid...

I prove my point that you are closed minded. Not everyone is self-concious about not having sex by the time they reach 30. Some people choose not to have sex prior to marriage, due to cultural or religious values. They may enter relationships that are limited to holding hands or kissing. Not everyone is like you and judges people that haven't had sex by the time they are 30 as "people who can't get laid."

[shymaira]

[QUOTE=Riku;723980]I'm not close minded at all, I just think you are a liar and a hypocrite to be perfectly honest.

totally unfair, cause you are taking what i said out of context. in the first quote i said for some people its normal to put off sex until marriage and fool around giving hand jobs and oral. This doesn't mean that I have done this stuff.... I have fooled around wiith him but we never took it to the next level. so yeah, don't misquote me, please and thank you.

[Riku]

I'm not taking what you said out of context at all. Your idea of what is considered fooling around is by your own words, hand jobs and oral and then you said you feel like a slut for fooling around. Just because I don't think the way you do doesn't mean I'm close minded. I never said I would consider a guy as someone who can't get laid just because they are a virgin, I said if you ask someone if they have HAD...oh ffs..forget it...this is like beating my head against a brick wall. Maybe you should pose this question to people in your culture since they think like you and you'll be happy with their responses.

[Wakeup]

I'm still wondering why you think giving and receiving head isn't having "sex." They don't call it oral SEX for nothing. Perhaps you should start asking your men if they've ever had INTERCOURSE

I suspect we would be more open minded to your liking if you actually answered any of our questions rather than by-pass them completely?

Anyway, perhaps you should explain yourself and your culture precisely in the future so that we know your ways. Then you won't have to assume that we're "close minded" while you're being mis-leading.

Happy sex acts. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out if this was just a one off lie or it's a pattern with him if you give it some time. You never did answer how long you've been seeing him.

[kageri]

I asked all of them. They were not hurt or offended. Some of them had been with girlfriends but not had sex. I also then make it a point to ask if they are interested in sex outside of marriage because at the time I did not really believe in marriage and never wanted to get married nor did I want to stay in a relationship without sex.

[shymaira]

Riku - if you read the above responses by other users on this forum, there are several people (who are probably not from my cultural background) who agree with me that asking a question about asking if someone had sex before, as a valid question. So thanks for the suggestion for sticking to people of my own culture, but i'll pass.

yes i do feel guilty for fooling around, but then again i don't know why you keep suggesting that fooling around always meanst having oral sex or hand jobs. I wrote the post, and so i also know when my words are taken out of context....so please don't try to convince me that you didn't take what i said out of context.

as for when you said "I never said I would consider a guy as someone who can't get laid just because they are a virgin" I must have misunderstood you when you said "If you asked one of those guys who is a virgin..hey, have you had sex? How hurt do you think they would be? They are probably already self conscious about it and to ask it that way is basically saying..you seem like the type who can't get laid...".

Anyway I appreciate your efforts Riku, but I'm really looking for advice on the main issue. The concern is NOT about a guy who is a virgin and afraid that i'll think he never got laid, or got his feelings hurt. Rather, its about a guy who tried to convince me he was still a virigin in the early stages of our relationship. I asked him if he had sex before, and he asked me the same. The issue really has nothing to do with if he had sex before or how many times, or how many blow jobs or hand jobs I've given, or how pure I am...but rather whether lying is something i should be concerned about.

For anyone who can stay focused on the real issue here, some input would be appreciated. thanks in advance.

[shymaira]

oh and to answer your questions - sorry i haven't, no disrespect intended.
I am 29 yrs old, and i knew him just for 3 weeks now.

[shymaira]

i am from a south asian culture too

[surfhb]

Im sorry but living 30 or 40 years of your life without sex is not only bizarre, its unhealthy.

[kageri]

It's also more common than you realize. While most were in their mid to late 20s instead of over 30 half the guys I've dated were virgins and they most weren't waiting for any particular reason except lack of opportunities. I can point you to an entire forum of people who are mostly virgins not by choice with many being in their 30s to 40s with a couple even older. I know one guy who's been on the forum more than 10 years is around 50 now and still a virgin, again not so much by choice. It's kind of hard being a woman on that forum because many of the guys have become bitter about being rejected a few times which also leads to many giving up on trying to find a relationship.

[surfhb]

I wonder what percentage of people in the world over 30 are virgins? Like less than a percent? It can be that much....Ive personally never heard of such a thing. Its so sad

[Wakeup]

Riku - if you read the above responses by other users on this forum, there are several people (who are probably not from my cultural background) who agree with me that asking a question about asking if someone had sex before, as a valid question.

I do believe if you read back, you will see that those people you refer to did not agree with you that asking someone "if they HAD EVER had sex" is a valid question... but rather, they thought that asking someone how many partners they had was a valid question.

In my culture.. those that don't put such a value on one's hyman, it is a very unusual question to ask someone that age if they've EVER had sex.

As for the issue at hand, which is his lying, I'd say if you really like him then give him more than three weeks to show you if or if not he is a chronic liar or, he was simply trying to save face with the sex question. I suggest you refrain from rubbing him off until you're certain of whether or not you trust him. O_o