should I apologize and let him continue?

[ivorylady]

Hi there,

I just started to have relationship with a guy whom I know him for quite sometimes, we're working in the same company, before this I know he is in love with a girl and always having meal together.

After having a relationship with me, he seldom do that, but there's a time I saw them having meal together, I really feel discomfort about it and he knows about my feeling as well.

I make a hint to him that he should stop doing that and he reluctantly agree with that, however, i dont feel good about it after that as if I am controlling him, I dont want him to feel that, should I apologize to him saying that I am over emotional and he may just continue to be friend and having meal together with the lady as long as he likes as I trust him on that?

any advice is appreciated, thanks!

[fuchsia_bee]

it is good that you told him that you are not okay with that instead of beginning to act strange. but i think that you should tell him that you thought about it and that you trust him, so there is no problem in having lunch with that lady as long as they are just friends. good luck

[Wakeup]

Why does he need to have dinners alone with a woman when he is in a relationship with you? To me that is crossing a relationship boundary unless they have been friends for years that included family ties.

I'd not apologize for letting him know that having date-like dinners alone with othe women was inappropriate. I'm sure he'd not like you having one-on-one dinners with other men.

If he agreed to not do it anymore then just let it go and show him how much you appreciate him not crossing fundemental relationship boundaries.

Never regret or be afraid to tell a partner when what they are doing is inappropriate. So: If she's not a long time family friend or a client that he is entertaining to win an account he has no buisness having dinner dates with other females when he has you for that.

[reeba]

Why are you dating someone who is in love with someone else?

You need to find someone who wants you, not someone else.

[Wakeup]

There must be something lost in translation.

[ivorylady]

Why are you dating someone who is in love with someone else?

You need to find someone who wants you, not someone else.

thanks everyone for your advise, he's just admire the lady, sorry if I put it in wrong word

and no, there's no family related tie nor know her for years.

[Wakeup]

thanks everyone for your advise, he's just admire the lady, sorry if I put it in wrong word

and no, there's no family related tie nor know her for years.

Then I'd never apologize for asking him to quit disrespecting your union by going out with her when he should be putting that type of attention to you. He said he agreed to stop having "dinner dates" with her so leave it alone and enjoy your relationship with him.

[bulrush]

In this case, since he had feelings for this other girl, he needs to stop having lunch with her. If it was a business lunch, I would say it is ok for him to have lunch with her. But, he "was in love" with her, and is still having lunch with her? That's not appropriate.

By having lunch with this girl who he had/has feelings for, he is violating your trust in him. He should respect your feelings, and stop having lunch with her. If he never had feelings for her, and they were just friends, I would say lunch with her was ok.

[supermarkliu]

Having lunch isn't a big deal. You aren't allowed to dictate who this person hangs out with, until they actually break an exclusive agreement according to your informal contract i.e kissing or sleeping with her. I wouldn't want to deprive my partner from having lunch with someone they love if it makes them happy.

[Wakeup]

Having lunch isn't a big deal. You aren't allowed to dictate who this person hangs out with, until they actually break an exclusive agreement according to your informal contract i.e kissing or sleeping with her. I wouldn't want to deprive my partner from having lunch with someone they love if it makes them happy.

She didn't dictate who he is allowed to go to lunch with. She told him she didn't like him going to lunch with her. OP said: "made a hint" and he respected her discomfort and agreed to stop doing it. Big difference to dictating to him.

Everyone has a "right" to do what they want in a relationship but while exercising their "rights" their partner also has a right to break off the partnership if what they do is disrespectful or angst inducing. It takes two happy people to be in a relationship.

[Horseyguy]

Why does he need to have dinners alone with a woman when he is in a relationship with you? To me that is crossing a relationship boundary unless they have been friends for years that included family ties.

I'd not apologize for letting him know that having date-like dinners alone with othe women was inappropriate. I'm sure he'd not like you having one-on-one dinners with other men.

If he agreed to not do it anymore then just let it go and show him how much you appreciate him not crossing fundemental relationship boundaries.

Never regret or be afraid to tell a partner when what they are doing is inappropriate. So: If she's not a long time family friend or a client that he is entertaining to win an account he has no buisness having dinner dates with other females when he has you for that.

Not sure about that.

Comes down to trust and the other persons own insecurities. I never had a problem with my ex going to dinner with a male friend because I never for one moment thought it was ever anything other than her catching up with someone for dinner. And that's exactly what it was. I didn't have an issue because I trusted her and if I didn't trust her I'd not have been in the relationship rather than suggesting, hinting or whatever that she couldn't go to dinner with anyone other than me.

I just don't buy into this you can't see / talk to / look at or whatever anyone from the opposite sex when you are in a relationship because it is disrespectful, sounds like a controlling issue to me. I think me stopping my gf from spending time with whoever she wants is disrespectful and pretty much says I don't trust her or her judgement

[Wakeup]

Well, thats your perogative, just like it would be mine to leave you if I didn't like your interaction. Come back in 20 years and tell me how many relationships you've been in. You HAVE TO HAVE relationship boundaries in place and if having dinner dates with members of the opposite sex is against one of the partners personal and relationship boundaries but the other keeps doing it, then you can call it controlling all you want,the relationship will not last. As I said, it take two people being happy in a relationship for it to work.

There is a compromise in all disputes most times. If he wants to catch up with a past lover or crush just to see how she's doing then there is no reason why OP couldn't join him. If the dinner is strictly innocent then neither op's bf or the other woman would mind her being there.

As far as I can see, far too many young people do not have relationship boundaries in place and they just fly by the seat of their pants and thats why so many of you frequent the broken heart forum, because you are afraid to tell your partner what you want and you are also afraid to leave a situation when it's not right for you while you put up with stuff you don't really like but are afraid to say anything about.

I just don't buy into this you can't see / talk to / look at or whatever anyone from the opposite sex when you are in a relationship because it is disrespectful,

Going to dinner with a past lover or someone that I knew for a fact that my husband had a crush on would be a huge cross of relationship boundary. I know for a fact he would not want me hanging out for dinner one-on-one with other men. I know for a fact I wouldn't disrespect him in that manner nor would he disrespect me in that manner.

My male friends are his male friends, his female friend are my female friends and none of us would think to not include the other when "catching up."