Am I reading the signs right?

[chl]

Hello,

I'm kind of in doubt knowing whether a girl is kind of into me or not. It's exams at Uni at the moment, and I always study in the library. Since a week or 2, this very pretty girl often sat next to me (we have tables per 2). At first, it looked like coincidence, because when she arrived, most places in this particular room of the library were already taken. But even on days where only 10 of the 40 places were taken, she chose the seat next to me. I kind of thought that maybe she was a bit interested in me, so I tried talking to her. Due to my persistent shyness, the only things I was able to ask were "would you mind if I opened the window" and things like that. And her responses were never really conversation-starters as well..

I also tried to see if there was any body language pointing to her possible interest in me, but she seemed kind of distant. She hardly ever looked at me and was staring out of the window quite often. But when something happened like a person tripping over a trash-can, she'd giggle a few seconds after me, while looking at me. Now, I can see that there still isn't any proof of my theory.

But, a few days ago, I was already seated when her friend arrived. She took a seat a few tables further, but when she noticed me (I'm 100% sure about this) she got up again and moved to the table behind me. A few minutes later the girl I like arrived and her friend said "You go sit there", and then she sat next to me. And it's not like I imagined it, because a friend of mine, sitting a few tables away, had heard this too and he sent me a text immediately. Also, whenever I pass her in the hallway, she looks up for a split second, and then looks at the floor. And when her friend passes me, she smiles very hard at me.

But still, I'm not sure what to think of this. As I've already said, I'm very shy when I first talk to a girl I like, so I kind of want to be sure that I'm not imagining things here. Tomorrow is my last day of studying, so IF she's there, and IF she sits next to me, I will have to do something, at least talk to her. It's kind of sucking up all my energy for studying, it's really controlling my thoughts.

If I don't see her tomorrow, and I don't see her in a bar anymore after exams, would it be acceptable to add her on facebook (without having actually talked to her in real life), or is this really a no-go?

Thanks in advance!

[smackie9]

You won't get any where in life being like that. You could be sitting around til you are 80 before you see a "clear" signal. It's ok to talk to a girl or ask a girl out, even if she doesn't give you a "signal". If you had any confidence in yourself and be bold about this, you don't need any signal because girls are really attracted to guys who are confident. Life isn't worth living if you don't take risks. So grow some balls and strike up a convo with her and then ask her out....it won't kill ya.

[giovanni75]

i agree with smackie..what is it going to hurt if u ask her out, the worst case sceneario she says no...remember there are millions of girls out there..take it from me im gonna be 36 next month, im getting a seperation and now i have to start my life over,,,so just say something to her...tell her that u love her outfit or compliment her eyes or her hair----something in that perspective
if ur shy , try reading a book called "the mystery method" it was was written by a pick up artist called mystery..it will help ur confidence,,ok good luk

[bulrush]

Hi,
I used to be shy too. I got over it by practice practice practice. The more I practiced talking to girls, the better I got and the more confident I got. You should start too. Don't worry if you fail, just try again later, with the same girl or a different one. Talk to her for a week, several times, before asking her out. Girls don't like complete strangers asking them out. They are very wary of creepers.

Anyway, small talk is important for getting to now a person. Here are some topics for small talk you might try.
- Ask her about her school work. What is she doing right now? Why is she in the library?
- Tell her her skirt/shirt/shoes are pretty. DON'T say that tight sweater makes her breasts look better. Only do this once a day. Any more and you look desperate.
- Ask her what she does for hobbies or in her spare time. What books does she like? What movies? What food? The answers give you ideas for a date later on.
- Tell her about yourself. She should get to know YOU, even if she doesn't ask. Tell her about your hobbies, favorite foods, movies, books, etc.

General rules:
- Girls like compliments on their appearance, not their schoolwork. But only once per day. Otherwise you look desperate.
- Don't worry if you stutter or get tongue-tied. Girls are just as shy and worried about making a mistake. I've gotten tongue-tied plenty of times and really bungled a word I said. So I just laughed about it. While talking to girls, I've tripped, run into walls, and my mind has gone blank. It's all part of the deal. Just laugh it off.
- Most of all, practice. Talk to girls you don't really like, but perhaps they sat next to you. If you talk to a stranger, it's like you have nothing to lose and you'll relax and get more confidence. Who knows, she might ask you out too.
- Take a speech class and speak in public. This will force you to deal with your shyness. My uni forced every student to take a speech class. We were all terrified. We all made mistakes, but we all made it through it. Most useful class I ever took.

True story: When we saw a huge football player on the verge of tears, trying to talk in front of people he didn't know in a classroom his very first time, and you see how he struggled and never gave up, you realize you have more in common than you think. When he was done with his 2 minute speech, he got a standing ovation. Did he get a standing ovation for a 2 minute speech which was not that great? Nope, he got it for having courage, facing his fears, and never giving up.

[chl]

Well, thanks for your straight to the point comments and advice.

Sad thing is that I haven't seen her since friday. I think she's already finished her exams, and my last one is tomorrow. So unless I see her tomorrow night celebrating the end of the exams, I probably won't see her again until either august either in the next year. Although I don't really know her, this makes me sad as hell. Cannot concentrate anymore.

One good thing is that I talked to an Italian erasmus girl sitting next to me today. We actually had a good talk and she kind of seemed surprised in a glad way that I started talking to her. I'm seeing her tomorrow night!

BTW, when I passed the one girl's friends this morning in the stairwells this morning, they both stopped talking, laughed at me and when I was 1meter further, one of them said "ohlala" in a kind of teasing way. I don't know what to think of this.

All of my instincts are telling me to get in touch with her, one way or the other. But I have no idea where to see her again, unless facebook. Really a no-go? I'm afraid I'll add her anyway when I'm drunk:p

Anyway, I'm sorry for my rant and sad behaviour, but I'm feeling sort of heartbroken(i know this is weird).

[smackie9]

You just missed your opportunity to find out how to get in touch with her. You should have asked her friend, she was right there! Confidence buddy....

[DarkHelmet82]

what do you have to lose? Just go for it.. otherwise you will regret not doing anything

[chl]

I'm not sure I'll see her again, she lives quite far away and I think her exams aren't finished yet. I hate my lack of guts, this is really making me sad..

[smackie9]

I'm not sure I'll see her again, she lives quite far away and I think her exams aren't finished yet. I hate my lack of guts, this is really making me sad..

Well then stop it! Roll the dice, take a chance, stop second guessing yourself.

[DarkHelmet82]

stop being a pussy... either go for it or dont.. nothing to lose and everything to gain.. who gives a shit if she says no... do you?

[chl]

little update:
Well, so i disabled my brain and added her on facebook. A couple of hours later i had a new friend, and well, I've sent her some messages to which i had very nice reactions. It looks like she was happily surprised to hear from me. It doesnt seem like she thought it was weird or creapy.

when i talk to her next time i'm going to ask her to have a drink with me. If she doesnt, well, bad luck i guess, but I've got a pretty good feeling about this!