I don't Understand What Women Want

[funkmasta]

If you read this whole thing I will love you forever!

So I am currently 19, but ever since I first started having sex, at 14, I have had some problems. This is it...

Girls always assume im a badboy at first. Odd because im a really nice person. With some things, like my little brother, I would fight till I was dead to save him. But mostly I am just nice and easy going. If there was one way to describe me its open minded. Problem is what happens is they are attracted to the badboy, find out im a nice guy, then lose interest.

QUESTION: Why do girls assume im a badboy?

Possibly helpful information: I am a leader among my peers
I have a rough past that people know bits about
I stand up for what I believe no matter what

(remember these are just surface traits, the ones people
notice first usually)

At 16 and into 17 I would just always act kinda jerky and it worked! I got women's attention but I never liked them truly.

Now on the RARE occasion that I meet a girl I like.. Im in awe and its not about looks, its about personality. With the girls im in awe of, I just am myself because I feel like the only way to find someone who goes well with you is to be yourself. Otherwise you are just delaying the inevitable clash and set both people up for hurt.

What do I mean by I am myself?

I compliment them on things that i genuinely like

I will ignore the things I disagree with her about AS LONG AS they can be ignored without negative consequences.
Example: she likes "this movie", I think it sucks. Then I think, well could I live
with occasionally watching a movie I don't like to make someone
happy? You bet your ass I can. If you are not man enough to watch
the occasional bad movie or eat some weird tasting food to make
your woman happy you are not a man at all IN MY OPINION.

I make sure that she is happy, satisfied, and feels respected.

QUESTION: Why is it that when I am a nice guy (myself) women lose interest but
when I am a bit of an ass girls are totally attracted? It seems backwords

QUESTION: Are these considered a lack of confidence? because I hear all too much
nice guys lack confidence and leadership but I feel like I dont lack those.
i'll explain more shortly. Personally I consider it just being nice! lol. But
there are those who disagree and im curious as to why you see it as a
weakness.

I have realized I have mommy issues. Me and my mom had a TERRIBLE relationship. Now I like when the woman makes choices. I know that I will be content with it because what I enjoy is hanging out with her. I could care less where it is. But admittedly, I can also get jealous sometimes and sometimes....no i need to be honest with myself. I often fear her losing interest because it has happened a lot when I am me and im only me with girls I really like which like I have said is uncommon, but then I get hurt when I am myself and I fear it that much more the next time :/... kind of felt good to be honest about that. But also... not

QUESTION: Do I come across as needy? What can I do to change that without not
being me?

QUESTION: Why do i get jealous? Is it normal? Can I fix it? how?

relevant information: When I say jealous there is an element of... i dunno. Fear mabye.
Im not sure.

PS: I have noticed that I am trying really hard not to admit this lol, but I tend to be
attracted to girls that are motherly, Like... I love that nurturing feeling. I never
really had it growing up so that compassion is so... amazing to me.

Now this is where it is confusing. If you are still reading thank you

I am a very strong natural leader. All my life I have been kind of the alfa male in the group. I have moved a TON so i know this is true because I have experienced it with many groups of people. I am ALWAYS the peace maker, for instance when I left florida there was about 10 of us that hung out almost everyday. Only a year later they all wen't different ways but I kept in touch. I also was looked to for desicion making but not in the way you would think. I don't like to make choices for people because I feel everyone should do what they want as long as they dont hurt anyone. But I DO like helping people make choices by taking steps in logic or just asking questions they don't ask themselves.

BUT.... When it comes to women I am romantic with I just turn to jelly. Don't get me wrong. I'm a man by all means. I don't put up with disrespect towards me or anyone I respect and will confront the people that are showing disrespect. I can handle myself in a fight, i dont need to explain why, but I almost never have to because im diplomatic. Despite this "badboy" appearance people see sometimes, I am a sensitive guy. I love cuddling and just talking and staring in her eyes. I even like chick flicks and girl talk. If Women didn't turn me on so damn much I would think I was gay lol.

QUESTION: Is it so bad that I have that gentle side to me? Or rather is it so bad that I
Am gentle and only am "tough" or whatever you want to call it when I
NEED to be?

If you are STILL reading i love you a little bit <3

Now I think this is a product of everything I have discussed so far. I am clueless as shit with girls. I can't tell you how many times I have moved from a state and find out that so and so liked me but I had NO idea. This also ties in with the girls i DO get involved with. I always make the first move because i mean, thats just how it works. But I have to be givin OBVIOUS ass clues. Which is strange because I'm really good at reading people but when its a girl I like. I melt. I just don't want to do the wrong thing and lose her.

Example: With the first kiss she has to have snuggled close to me, moved her hair to the other side of her face, look at me often, and when I look at her she has to be looking at my lips. Otherwise im just a confused puppy lol. Same with sex, I am never the first person to take off a shirt and I am never the one to undo my pants because like I said, I dont want to do the wrong thing.

QUESTION: Is it odd that I am so clueless? Are girls just subtle and i'm not all that clueless? Why am I just clueless with girls I like?

This is the most disturbing part EVER. to me at least.

So this has happened to me more then once as emasculating as that is to say. I am usually out.. gamed? If that makes sense. I am a well built guy and have a nice face but I just don't play that game. I mean If I am talking to a girl and she talks to someone else, I don't compete. I just say **** it even though i could easily compete. I do not compete because when I like a girl for more then sex (I don't have sex anymore unless I really like her) I don't talk to other girls. Why? Because I respect her. I don't want to feel played just like she doesn't.

I think girls can confuse nice for a push over. But trust me, if you try to push me about the wrong thing I'm not gonna budge. Its just with a lot of things, letting it go is the best thing to do. Its simply not constructive to dwell on things cannot be changed or say you think a movie sucks even though she likes it. What does that accomplish? I dont get it. Mabye one of you girls who likes jerks and backhanded compliments could help me.

QUESTION: Do girls really think us nice guys are insincere, lack confidence, and treat
women like goddesses? And if so, what in the world makes them think
that???

QUESTION: What is it that girls like about the backhanded compliments and the
disagreement that is in no way helpful? Hows that
attractive? And don't say that its not true. I mean, it might
not be for some girls but i know from personal experience IN MANY STATES
that behavior is much more effective then being nice.

FINALLY

IN CONCLUSTION:

First off, thank you so so so much for taking the time to read my ranting ladies. I really appreciate that you have no idea. Haha, mommy issues XD I love to talk to women about feelings. How lame huh?

If you don't have a response well then, have a good one, thanks for listening at least. We are all connected and that makes a difference. If you do have a response I would love to hear it! If it is something I can respond to I will or if you have a question or ANYTHING i'll answer.

Haha, side note, after writing the above paragraph, thats a perfect example of what girls dont like about me. I hear "your too nice" and thats what they mean.

I need your help. I now live in oregon and don't know many people except for the girl im talking to and some guys. I definatly won't talk to the guys about this and clearly I am confused about women so wont tell her.

LAST QUESTIONS: Based on what you have read, what would you guess is making
many of these girls lose interest?

How do I come across in this? I may come across
one way to myself but another way to others, especially
women. This may be where the confusion is.

What about the girl im talking to? so much. She is
beautiful, and really sweet. Yet she is also outgoing and strong and
has a really good heart.

ENDING NOTES

So answers to my question would rock!

Any question to my story would rock!

Any advice would rock!


Anyway, I'm such a chatterbox, I just love to talk lol.

Bye, much love!

PS: If someone could address my mommy issues that would be great. I dont know what to ask but want help with it. Kind of confusing haha

[CAM]

...are you getting laid? What do women want? They want you to shut up already and listen to them for awhile...

Ending Notes...what is this? A paper submitted to an academic journal for peer review?

[tremolo]

Ending Notes...what is this? A paper submitted to an academic journal for peer review?

.......lol.........

[CAM]

Want to understand women? Well, one thing you should know...women appreciate a man who is manly. That doesn't necessarily mean "muscle bound freak" or "ten inch cock" or "a strutting MCP" or whatever. Being emotionally strong and supportive (in a manly way) is important to women. That right there is critical. Being super smart or super rich is less important.

The number one thing is: do you exude manliness? That is: are you confident? do you have direction in life? are you stable? do you know how to treat her?

While there are some that do, most women don't want you to take care of them like they are fragile creatures (because they generally aren't). They just want you to be a man. Being manly is like being a tree. You can bend, but you are also a something that is stable, a landmark, a constant, someone that a woman could look up to. Believe me, if you can do that, then they can easily backfill around that "tree" and create for you happiness that you wouldn't believe.

In a strange way, your penis is part of this "manliness metaphor"--it is something that should be for her only, something that she possesses (but doesn't own), something that gives her pleasure, something that is less pleasureable to you with her accompaniment.

[funkmasta]

...are you getting laid? What do women want? They want you to shut up already and listen to them for awhile...

Ending Notes...what is this? A paper submitted to an academic journal for peer review?

Lol! Yea I'm getting laid. Getting laid is nice and all but shit, so is emotional connection. Thats exactly the problem obviously you are not trying to help. The problem is girl just want to have sex. And at first thats cool and all but it gets old.

And shut up and listen to them for a while? Look dumb much? obviously you didn't read. Im a nice guy but people think im a badboy. The issue is i listen waaay too much. And i never discuss anything I feel with ANYONE. I just listen to her and listen and LISTEN. I don't have family or anything and I move a lot so I only really know my girl and a few buddies so this is the only place I can consult people aside from myself.

Last of all, you proved my point. Some women are so ****ing illogical and irrational. I would say its stupidity but i have known very smart girls. Of course they are not irrational. The logic behind you even replying does not make any sense. How was that productive to me OR you? it wasn't. So next time think about how dumb you are going to look by acting like you know what you are talking about without really looking into it.

BUT at the same time I would like to thank you for showing how blessed I am to have a girl that Is beautiful, has an amazing ass, and is really kind. Its hard to get past all the bitches. You are like... The epitome of the girls I would be nailing when I acted like a jerk to get laid. Lol. The insecure bitches that need a man to tell them they need to lose wait so they feel like someone is in control. Because they are CERTAINLY not in control of themselves.

[CAM]

should read "something that is less pleasureable to you without her..."

[funkmasta]

Want to understand women? Well, one thing you should know...women appreciate a man who is manly. That doesn't necessarily mean "muscle bound freak" or "ten inch cock" or "a strutting MCP" or whatever. Being emotionally strong and supportive (in a manly way) is important to women. That right there is critical. Being super smart or super rich is less important.

The number one thing is: do you exude manliness? That is: are you confident? do you have direction in life? are you stable? do you know how to treat her?

While there are some that do, most women don't want you to take care of them like they are fragile creatures (because they generally aren't). They just want you to be a man. Being manly is like being a tree. You can bend, but you are also a something that is stable, a landmark, a constant, someone that a woman could look up to. Believe me, if you can do that, then they can easily backfill around that "tree" and create for you happiness that you wouldn't believe.

In a strange way, your penis is part of this "manliness metaphor"--it is something that should be for her only, something that she possesses (but doesn't own), something that gives her pleasure, something that is less pleasureable to you with her accompaniment.

Sigh. This irritating. Its pretty easy to see people are skimming it, interpreting something based off little info, and responding. If you are going to respond but dont want to read it all just read a paragraph and respond to that shit. I am a man. Am I confident? Hell yea, I am always the "alfa male" among my peers. I'm a ****ing badass singer and songwriter and Im confident enough to serenade my girl. I tell you what, people may look at that is not manly. But i guarantee most men don't have the balls to do that. Direction in life? I am in college and a professional musician. Am I stable? More then you could ever know. This is the problem, READ. I don't show what I feel and I always am the one saying, everything will be alright. But I'm tired of it. Just because I'm a man doesnt mean I cant express how I feel once every 5 years.

I think its that many women, and men actually, are very unconscious. In that a mojority of people look into the face of their destruction every day (natural disaster exponential growth, global warming, lack of oil, JERK OFF GUY) But do not wake up because waking up is the hardest thing you can do. By saying denying emotion is unmanly you are denying the human existence. That is what is wrong with our culture. When you look at when common element it is sex drive, search for a good mother for your children (emotionally strong and compassionate), and emotion. EVERYONE has emotion. If what you think is a man is denying emotion then you are not awake. You are in the dream created by the media where a man is something for a woman to lean on. That part is true. But a woman occasionally is something for a man to lean on. If the woman only leans on the man and the man never leans on the woman he denys how he feels, denys being human, joins what is called the "suffering" in Buddhism and ultimately the relationship will end.

The sooner people start accepting their humanity and stop trying to ****ing be the fake humans that the media created, the sooner people will stop spending billions of dollars trying to be something that is impossible to be and the sooner nature will strike its balance again.

[funkmasta]

And what are you talking about penis for? I have no problem with my penis its quite nicely sized thank you

[CAM]

Lol! Yea I'm getting laid. Getting laid is nice and all but shit, so is emotional connection. Thats exactly the problem obviously you are not trying to help. The problem is girl just want to have sex. And at first thats cool and all but it gets old.

And shut up and listen to them for a while? Look dumb much? obviously you didn't read. Im a nice guy but people think im a badboy. The issue is i listen waaay too much. And i never discuss anything I feel with ANYONE. I just listen to her and listen and LISTEN. I don't have family or anything and I move a lot so I only really know my girl and a few buddies so this is the only place I can consult people aside from myself.

Last of all, you proved my point. Some women are so ****ing illogical and irrational. I would say its stupidity but i have known very smart girls. Of course they are not irrational. The logic behind you even replying does not make any sense. How was that productive to me OR you? it wasn't. So next time think about how dumb you are going to look by acting like you know what you are talking about without really looking into it.

BUT at the same time I would like to thank you for showing how blessed I am to have a girl that Is beautiful, has an amazing ass, and is really kind. Its hard to get past all the bitches. You are like... The epitome of the girls I would be nailing when I acted like a jerk to get laid. Lol. The insecure bitches that need a man to tell them they need to lose wait so they feel like someone is in control. Because they are CERTAINLY not in control of themselves.

I'm reading this....are you the guy that tried (but failed) to mug me on the Orange Line going to Chicago from Midway? The guy eating the McWhopper or whatever?

[funkmasta]

Yea probably. I tend to do that. I cant really help it. Was a wearing a afro wig and baby blue underwear?

[CAM]

Yea probably. I tend to do that. I cant really help it. Was a wearing a afro wig and baby blue underwear?

No, you were a short white guy wearing a pink thong and kimono. You threatened me with chopsticks.

[tremolo]

Funkmasta, I would like to help you, but each time you post you just confuse me more.

What CAM said is on point. Women like manly men. Men can be poetic/gentle/romantic and still be manly... but there is a lot of potential for men with those traits to come off as UNmanly.

I think you just need to relax, to be honest. From your post, you seem anxious or hyper or something... I think if you stop trying so hard, you'll be just fine.

If the girls you're getting are girls who just want to have sex, you might think about re-assessing the kind of girls you're picking.

[CAM]

If the girls you're getting are girls who just want to have sex, you might think about re-assessing the kind of girls you're picking.

Unless that satisfies you; in which case, just be honest with yourself (and them).

[Bonfire]

I'll break it down for you. Base on your description, you do give off a badboy aura about you when you are among your peers. Actually to be more accurate, you give off the alpha male/leader of the pack vibe, which is a part of you that you display publicly first. The other side of you is the nice guy, sensitive, nervous around the girl you like, sorta clueless kinda guy. Most people have two sides to them. So you are not alone. The thing is, generally girls are attracted to a strong man. And you give that off at first. That's how you operate. So naturally they will be attracted to you. The girls who are attracted to alpha males are also repulse by the beta males qualities or nice guy qualities. The reason these girls are not attracted to nice guy behavior is became it's feminine in nature. Basically, subconsciously the girls are thinking you are weak like a girl if you display your emotions too much, if you act all sensitive and caring as in being too nice to them, it's a turn off. It's like if a girl start acting all manly and talk like a guy (a dike for example). Would you not be turn off by that? You said so yourself that you are attracted to girls who act like a mom to you. Because that's what women naturally suppose to behave, they are the care giver. Likewise, guys need to be the strong one, the father figure. So when you are acting girly, yes that's what you are doing acting girly, they will lose interest. Get it?

Btw, if you did not specify your gender in your post, base on the way you write, I would actually think you are a female. I don't think you have to give up your sensitive side. You just have to understand you can't be all that expressive esp with the type of girls you are attracting. I agree with you that you have to continue to stick to your guns and be yourself. That's the only way to find compatibility. And I will tell you this, you are still young and eventually one side will dominate the other side. I would say your strong side will take over as you mature. That's just how a man evolves.

[funkmasta]

I'll break it down for you. Base on your description, you do give off a badboy aura about you when you are among your peers. Actually to be more accurate, you give off the alpha male/leader of the pack vibe, which is a part of you that you display publicly first. The other side of you is the nice guy, sensitive, nervous around the girl you like, sorta clueless kinda guy. Most people have two sides to them. So you are not alone. The thing is, generally girls are attracted to a strong man. And you give that off at first. That's how you operate. So naturally they will be attracted to you. The girls who are attracted to alpha males are also repulse by the beta males qualities or nice guy qualities. The reason these girls are not attracted to nice guy behavior is became it's feminine in nature. Basically, subconsciously the girls are thinking you are weak like a girl if you display your emotions too much, if you act all sensitive and caring as in being too nice to them, it's a turn off. It's like if a girl start acting all manly and talk like a guy (a dike for example). Would you not be turn off by that? You said so yourself that you are attracted to girls who act like a mom to you. Because that's what women naturally suppose to behave, they are the care giver. Likewise, guys need to be the strong one, the father figure. So when you are acting girly, yes that's what you are doing acting girly, they will lose interest. Get it?

Btw, if you did not specify your gender in your post, base on the way you write, I would actually think you are a female. I don't think you have to give up your sensitive side. You just have to understand you can't be all that expressive esp with the type of girls you are attracting. I agree with you that you have to continue to stick to your guns and be yourself. That's the only way to find compatibility. And I will tell you this, you are still young and eventually one side will dominate the other side. I would say your strong side will take over as you mature. That's just how a man evolves.

EYO! thats what im talking about! thank you for a response that actually is intended to discuss the topic lol. Its about time. Thanks for the advice, that is helpful. And i was worried this would happen haha. I am not really emotional often. This post is an accumulation of all the things I want to say but cant say to anyone. I mean think about it, I can't tell the girls that like my badboy side cause well, i dont give a shit about them. And i can't tell teh girls that like my nice guy side because then they learn about my past. Poonugss

FORTUNATELY i currently am with a girl who seems to like both sides of me as she is very much the same way. Which is cool. I'm just a bit worried because I have never met a girl as great as her AND really hott so I don't want to lose her