PLEASE HELP I have messed up with this guy i like

[confusedbelle3]

hi
will try and keep it short!!

met this guy about 6 months ago

we started dating but we were not exclusive. went on for months. i acted and mostly wanted something only casual at that moment, so did he. However i found out he kissed a mutual friend and we had a fight (i knew it was not exclusive but i reacted badly anyway i couldnt help it) we stopped talking.

5 or 6 weeks no contact
we start talking as in we are going to try and be friends.
we meet up, have a great night catching up and dancing clubbing etc end up sleeping together.
next day till now nothing gets discussed on either side, but we text about work and fun etc still keeping friendship open

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS STUPID
i realised how much i still like him. so i told him i am seeing someone now. (!) i did this so he knows we cant sleep together
anymore. also because maybe he is seeing other women. basically because i am scared. seemed like such a good idea, pretending i was seeing someone new, so that me and him dont end up in this FWB thing again.

but now i feel stupid. i hate that i lied. he was so gracious about it and nice, didnt act upset. A mutual friend told me last week he seemed really really into me when we met up. I am SO confused.

:-(

please help

[oldskool83]

why did ya freaking lie to him, wtf? your alowed to control your body.

[confusedbelle3]

i know i know it was really stupid of me. :0( it was kinda a spru of the moment idea i didnt think it through at all. i just thought if he thinks i am seeing someone he will .. back off... not text me and invite me out... i wont end up sleeping with him and getting into an unclear situation with him again.. ultimately we shouldnt do the friendship plus sex thing plus i have feelings for him...

but i know i messed up!!! i feel really stupid about lying. i am a complete idiot and i dont know why i did it. i feel like protecting myself from him i guess. and the bad thing is aswell is that i dont know if he is seeing soemone, interested in others, i mean most likely yes

Your right it is really WTF and i dont know what to do now.

i should be clear about not sleeping with him, and then when we see each other at night (we both go often to this same late night club) i should just go home and not sleep with him... but it is hard for me when i am drunk i forget reason (when it comes to him, not other men ) and we end up together.

its a mess. and the horrible thing is and always was with him is that i dont really know how he feels about me and i never did. we are both shy and cautious. hell he may even love me.. i have a friend that has heard he is a player, and to the other extreme i have a mutual friend that thinks he is on love with me but is a complicated man .

still need help from you guys thank you :-(

[confusedbelle3]

please if you read this try and tell me what to do. i cant to my friends they are pretty much all mutual friends with him.
the only thing i can think of is saying to him ''you know actually i am not with someone else. sorry i lied it was stupid. the thing is, i like you, a lot, and i am scared
of that a lot, and i dont know how you feel and i think you dont want something serious and i have feelings for you so us getting together sometimes to sleep together
is going to mess me up''

i SOOOOOO want to be brave enough to say something like this. i so am not brave enough. plus on top of the fact that its hard to think of saying all that, he will also
think i am a freak for lying for no reason


aaaaaargh. :-(

[HeartIsAching]

I'll spell it out plain and simple.

1. Stop lying. If you stop at one lie, you might salvage the relationship.

2. Be clear in your communications with him. If you want an exclusive relationship that is MORE than just FWB, then tell him so. The worst he can do is say no.

3. If you don't want to sleep with him for a while, tell him so, and why.

That's it. I won't guarantee the results you want, but I can guarantee that if you give it your best shot and stay honest, you'll have a much better chance in the long run than if you keep lying.

[Wakeup]

please if you read this try and tell me what to do.

Well, first be mature enough to carry on a conversation and be confident and so full of self worth that you'll have the guts to tell a guy what you want with him (after getting to know him enough to know yourself what you want) and if he doesn't want the same thing you do then you'll have the self-worth to walk away from someone who just wants a warm wet place to masturbate. You kid yourself by telling yourself that you just want to be a fvck buddy when you don't want just that, you want a supportive, caring and mutually loving relationship with a decent guy.

Stay away from him or tell him the truth. I'll not give you any game playing strategies to help you maneuver your way out of this one. Perhaps bearing the consequences of your actions will give you the strength to be up front and mind-fvcker free in the future.

Good luck with it.