Any chicks want to help me work on my rap?

[ctr916]

Here is a writing sample I am working on, on Craigslist. I would like to get better at "marketing". Any help and suggestions are appreciated and you would be welcome to consider me a friend with benefits with full privileges.

Seeking girl friend with benefits.

Are you looking for a boy friend with benefits? Are you jaded by current trends in relating and relationships? Are you tired of simply being used by all the other ones? You are welcome to help me discover a difference with a modern, friends with benefits relationship. You are also welcome to help me develop a happy camper policy, since happy girl friends with benefits are usually repeat girl friends with benefits.

One benefit you can claim immediately as a complimentary getting to know each other special is a one to two hour session of full body massage. I would like to commit to a one thousand hour relationship, to see if it works, and practice massage for about the same amount of time. It could be an excellent way to practice getting over any heterophobia you may have with nice guys, because you will be able to come over take off all of your clothes and expect a therapeutic experience that involves a lot of touch - just for being a girl friend with benefits. In my own humble opinion and in modern times, a guy can never have too many (girl) friends. I am hoping that practice can make perfect.

Massage junkies are also welcome since I am four-twenty friendly and willing to barter for any special requests, focus work on your Gracilis muscles, or longer session lengths. Having your own space, a massage table, and a sense of humor is a plus; and ideally, you are within bicycle distance - even if you don't want to be my girl friend with benefits, but are maybe bored and have plenty of time on your hands. I will try to not contribute to your delinquency if you are already in a more committed relationship and am always willing to give you back upon request.

Any complementary hobbies could be a new and learning experience that may require spending more quality time together. I am into bicycling, hiking, and yoga, among other interests.

I do not currently have any certifications, but would still like to eventually log over one thousand hours of independent study and practice on women who are willing to claim they are my friends, and don't mind getting some stress management while exercising some of their glands in the process, or simply having something else to do every once in a while for a change of pace. I don't mind working on my time management skills if you prefer weekly or monthly sessions. I hope to work on short term relationship skills to start with and progress to intermediate and long term relationships when my skills improve. Any encouragement you can provide, as a benefit, will be appreciated. I don't mind bartering if it doesn't work out.

I am usually pretty easy to get along with, height-weight proportionate, forty-eight, divorced, still living with my mom and hope to eventually have a street legal vehicle and an income or a real job on an at-will basis to better pursue Happiness with in our money based, mixed-market political-economy.

Sincerely,

Your new friend with benefits

[doppelgaenger]

I have peeped at a couple of Craigslist personals just for fun and they were either fake, pathetic, or very disturbing. Every person posting was either desperate or looking for some kind of discreet transaction.

I didn't read your entire post, but when I was reading, I imagined some cheap, incognito voice, like from a penis enlargement commercial on TV. Come on, you're trying to hard. Marketing yourself? Craigslist is a place where people sell used TVs and old bikes with training wheels. If you want to put yourself out on the Internet, consider making a dating profile on a popular website. Don't use something cheap like PoF, or worse, CL.

You're going to be disappointed, though, because most FWB situations do not happen like that. They usually result from failed relationships or potential for relationships when a person is fresh out of a relationship and doesn't want to deal with commitment.

edit:

skimmed it. your post is really creepy.

[ctr916]

Thanks for your judgmentalism. It doesn't really help, but at least you were able to express yourself on a public forum for everyone to see how well you can give advice and suggestions.

I did claim it was a writing sample; you are welcome to actually read it and provide some constructive criticism, if you are capable of it.

[doppelgaenger]

You can't polish a turd.

[MerryH]

Thanks for your judgmentalism.

You asked people to pass judgment when you posted this and asked for help and suggestions. The suggestions you got were correct. This is creepy and not a single woman I know or have ever known would ever be attracted by this ad, even the ones who are down for FWB relationships.

But sure, go for it. Post an ad. But not this one. This one doesn't even really make sense and is way too long-winded. I'm pretty sure most people on Craigslist are barely literate. Nobody who is looking for a quick, cheap **** will want to read all that. Don't use infomercial-type language, don't go on and on about massages, don't ask for a "one thousand hour relationship" (wtf), and don't divulge that you are jobless, vehicle-less, grown adult still living at your mother's.

Having said all that, you're kidding, right? This is a joke post, isn't it? But I want to believe. Please let it be real.

[DannyH]

You can't polish a turd.

I can actually prove you wrong on that lol
[url]http://www.eccentricaccents.com/jewlery.htm[/url]

and scroll down to the bottom.

[doppelgaenger]

You asked people to pass judgment when you posted this and asked for help and suggestions. The suggestions you got were correct. This is creepy and not a single woman I know or have ever known would ever be attracted by this ad, even the ones who are down for FWB relationships.

But sure, go for it. Post an ad. But not this one. This one doesn't even really make sense and is way too long-winded. I'm pretty sure most people on Craigslist are barely literate. Nobody who is looking for a quick, cheap **** will want to read all that. Don't use infomercial-type language, don't go on and on about massages, don't ask for a "one thousand hour relationship" (wtf), and don't divulge that you are jobless, vehicle-less, grown adult still living at your mother's.

Having said all that, you're kidding, right? This is a joke post, isn't it? But I want to believe. Please let it be real.

Yeah, that's another good point. This post is way too long for something like a personal, you'll have to limit it to two or three lines.

[MerryH]

you'll have to limit it to two or three lines.

You mean like this?:

"Are you willing to claim to be my friend? Would you like to have sex with me? I can commit to 1,000 hours of Gracilis muscle massages. You must be able to host, have own massage table, and be within bicycling distance of my mother's house. Reply if interested."

[doppelgaenger]

No, I mean like this, but with a couple photos:

25 y/o, 6'3, blond hair, brown eyes. height/weight proportioned and in shape. well endowed, drug and disease free, willing to get tested together. no smokers.
looking for an attractive woman for a night of fun (NSA). expect a short but fun date, some fine wine, and a sensual massage. willing to get kinky, you call the shots.

[ctr916]

You can't polish a turd.

Sure you can; all it takes is better suggestions from people who claim to be capable of it. Are you up to the challenge?

[ctr916]

You asked people to pass judgment when you posted this and asked for help and suggestions. The suggestions you got were correct. This is creepy and not a single woman I know or have ever known would ever be attracted by this ad, even the ones who are down for FWB relationships.

But sure, go for it. Post an ad. But not this one. This one doesn't even really make sense and is way too long-winded. I'm pretty sure most people on Craigslist are barely literate. Nobody who is looking for a quick, cheap **** will want to read all that. Don't use infomercial-type language, don't go on and on about massages, don't ask for a "one thousand hour relationship" (wtf), and don't divulge that you are jobless, vehicle-less, grown adult still living at your mother's.

Having said all that, you're kidding, right? This is a joke post, isn't it? But I want to believe. Please let it be real.

Define creepy? I have noticed that some people who make some claims have problems with true witness bearing and being good helpmeets, who are allegedly, intelligently designed specifically to help Man. But, I have notice that I can be more honest, as a form of respect toward fellow human beings, when I have enough money and not for free; why is that?

[doppelgaenger]

Sure you can; all it takes is better suggestions from people who claim to be capable of it. Are you up to the challenge?

I prefer to pick my battles. Reading a bible-length sex ad that will go up on CL for peer review does not seem worthwhile to me. I know for a fact that no matter how much you edit your post you will not be successful.
Sometimes the best advice is not always what you want to hear. I suggest you stop wasting so much time on a sex ad and listen to our suggestions if you want any sex partners at all.

[ctr916]

Yeah, that's another good point. This post is way too long for something like a personal, you'll have to limit it to two or three lines.

Did I mention I am working on my rap and my writing skills at the same time; and, hope women have a sense of humor, simply to "weed out" the ones that don't.

[ctr916]

I prefer to pick my battles. Reading a bible-length sex ad that will go up on CL for peer review does not seem worthwhile to me. I know for a fact that no matter how much you edit your post you will not be successful.
Sometimes the best advice is not always what you want to hear. I suggest you stop wasting so much time on a sex ad and listen to our suggestions if you want any sex partners at all.

I already know it only takes money to get some women to claim they want to just love me and just be with me, for a short term relationship. I would like to be able to take some peoples advice, but for all of the fallacies they tend to resort to, while claiming they are not really like that.

[doppelgaenger]

That post doesn't make any sense. Judging from your recent posts on the forum and in this thread, I think you're delusional. Have you considered therapy instead of posting sex ads as a cheap solution for your psychological issues?