No Contact Rule - thoughts???

[JennaBella]

Hi
I've been Reading a lot about the No Contact Rule which is initially sold as a get your ex back strategy. Seems to me it isn't for that purpose at all, more so it's for getting "yourself" back, ie getting yourself sorted out after a break up. That's great and I can't really knock that but what I'm interested in knowing is if anyone else has gone down the road of No Contact with an ex, as I have, and if so what are your experiences with it? Did it get your ex back or did you realise after a period of time that the ex wasn't for you after all?
I sent my ex a pretty direct message to ask him to cease contact, basically telling him I know his game ie he's been maintaining contact with me to keep his foot in the door with me and that I have now closed that door, goodbye Ex, you are the weakest link.
So..... What are your experiences or thoughts on the No Contact theory ?

[devonbrown]

Personally, no contact has always been a way to try to handle the grief of a breakup without the constant tugging and struggles of trying to keep that person in your life. It is a way to get back on your feet. If you want to be friends with someone after you are over him/her, that isi great. But while you are healing from the pain of a breakup, the no contact makes sense.
I have never heard it as a way to get your ex back though. Seems sort of contradictory to me.

Good luck.

[Boisdevie]

The no contact rule is a stupid idea. I broke up with my ex because the relationship was finished so we had no contact. Because it was OVER. This whole idea of winning him/her back by ignoring them is just really stupid

[TheTooya]

The no contact rule is a stupid idea. I broke up with my ex because the relationship was finished so we had no contact. Because it was OVER. This whole idea of winning him/her back by ignoring them is just really stupid

The point behind no contact isn't to "win the person back" (frankly anyone who does think this is pretty stupid,) but instead to cut ties with the person. Break ups aren't typically mutual, and because of that one side or another will have lingering feelings. If you stay in touch, your just prolonging their pain. THAT, is why I find no contact rule important!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

No contact/sleeping with other girls 'worked' for me. I stayed in contact with my ex for a couple weeks(her request), but after I got tired of the crumbs, I started ****ing her hot neighbor and she got really interested again all of a sudden. She went nuts when I told her what was up. I could've had her back but at that point I was happy.

[ctr916]

Hi
I've been Reading a lot about the No Contact Rule which is initially sold as a get your ex back strategy. Seems to me it isn't for that purpose at all, more so it's for getting "yourself" back, ie getting yourself sorted out after a break up. That's great and I can't really knock that but what I'm interested in knowing is if anyone else has gone down the road of No Contact with an ex, as I have, and if so what are your experiences with it? Did it get your ex back or did you realise after a period of time that the ex wasn't for you after all?
I sent my ex a pretty direct message to ask him to cease contact, basically telling him I know his game ie he's been maintaining contact with me to keep his foot in the door with me and that I have now closed that door, goodbye Ex, you are the weakest link.
So..... What are your experiences or thoughts on the No Contact theory ?

I am in the "market" for girl friends with benefits, so that rule doesn't really apply to my situation. Usually, for me, it depends on the situational ethics at the time. I don't mind trying to maintain a form of friendship with chicks I have been in relationships with, unless it is too inconvenient or I simply consider it to involve too much "game playing". In a more "equal" environment though, I would probably just go out and get used for sex by a bunch of chicks to see how I feel about it afterward.

[Grecoroman]

100% works! both to get over ex and to 'get them back'.

i did it. people say its a stupid idea to use that strategy to get ex back, but most things people do when they are in that emotional roller coaster of a break up, is stupid, but at the time seems right.

I got dumped. said she didnt love me anymore. i told her i felt the same, but it wasnt actually true. i mirrored what she said. i didnt speak to her for a month. she would text me during that time and id ignore it. she took away the relationship, but i needed to keep some control over the situation and not answering texts was it. it helped, though i was in a bad way.

1 month later i rang her out the blue ''do you miss me'' i said,
''yes''
''alot?''
''yes''
''want me to come down and see you?''
''yes, but we arnt doing anything and we are not going to get back together'' (yea right i thought).

next 2 month we couldnt stop having sex together. although it was heart wrenching too as i couldnt win her love back, only her body. she still had control.

in the end i was hurting so much i rang her and told her i didnt want to talk to her anymore. That night i had first proper night sleep in a long time. To help me heal, i went travelling for 6 months. the day i went travelling i forgot about her and i havnt had contact with her in 1.5 years! its going to last a life time too...deep down im sure i stil have some love for her, but the more time takes the less i have and in time you, as i and everyone, will feel nothing. by them you wouldnt give a toss to get back in contact anyway.

SO YES IT WORKS ON ALL FRONTS BUT IS HARD TO DO and often doesnt work in the end!

[JennaBella]

I see it more as a getting over strategy personally but if you look up advice on the Internet, there's a lot of it, it is marketed as THE way to get an ex back. I can see the thinking, ie make the ex miss you by falling off the radar, but I think from a personal point of view it won't work. I just want to feel happier, with or without him in my life. Just interesting to get others perspectives on the subject!

[Cerby]

Its just a survival strategy, and a good one at that.

If you sprain your ankle, do you walk on it or stop using it for a while? Eliminate the pain by avoiding what aggravates it. You heal faster, better, and move on much quicker.

[JennaBella]

Definitely think that No Contact is the best strategy for getting over an ex. Recommend it to anyone else who's suffering the problem of an incessantly in contact ex that was the dumper. It's a good way of regaining the upper hand. I defo feel more in control of the situation again and it's an empowering way to feel. For too long I've been like a pitiful stray cat waiting for scraps of sub-standard food to be thrown to me, never quite knowing where my next meal would be. Crap analogy but that's the best way I can think to describe how utterly weak and pathetic I have been. Now Ive told him "no more, this stops", I feel like I've thrown off the weight of the uncertainty and I feel lighter somehow. If that's it forever, then so be it. I don't actually think I could forgive him for replacing me at the rate he did, regardless of his reasoning and motivation!

[Wakeup]

100% works! both to get over ex and to 'get them back'.

i did it. people say its a stupid idea to use that strategy to get ex back, but most things people do when they are in that emotional roller coaster of a break up, is stupid, but at the time seems right.

I got dumped. said she didnt love me anymore. i told her i felt the same, but it wasnt actually true. i mirrored what she said. i didnt speak to her for a month. she would text me during that time and id ignore it. she took away the relationship, but i needed to keep some control over the situation and not answering texts was it. it helped, though i was in a bad way.

1 month later i rang her out the blue ''do you miss me'' i said,
''yes''
''alot?''
''yes''
''want me to come down and see you?''
''yes, but we arnt doing anything and we are not going to get back together'' (yea right i thought).

next 2 month we couldnt stop having sex together. although it was heart wrenching too as i couldnt win her love back, only her body. she still had control.

in the end i was hurting so much i rang her and told her i didnt want to talk to her anymore. That night i had first proper night sleep in a long time. To help me heal, i went travelling for 6 months. the day i went travelling i forgot about her and i havnt had contact with her in 1.5 years! its going to last a life time too...deep down im sure i stil have some love for her, but the more time takes the less i have and in time you, as i and everyone, will feel nothing. by them you wouldnt give a toss to get back in contact anyway.

SO YES IT WORKS ON ALL FRONTS BUT IS HARD TO DO and often doesnt work in the end!

next 2 month we couldnt stop having sex together. although it was heart wrenching too as i couldnt win her love back, only her body. she still had control.

So it didn't really work to get her back then did it. I can't believe you believe it worked. *boggled*

Anyway: It's to help you heal. Just like when you mourn a death... time and no contact and eventully you are no longer in mourning, you can relive the memories without longing for the lost one and you are open hearted enough to be able to form a new bond with another.

[Cerby]

SO YES IT WORKS ON ALL FRONTS BUT IS HARD TO DO and often doesnt work in the end!

This was my favourite part of the post. "Yes it works, but often it doesn't!"

[Wakeup]

No kidding... he's a plethora of contradictions.

[oldskool83]

i never realized this so big of a deal...once we were done i never contacted them anyway...but looking back at it now a few girls did end up making contact with me later.

[JennaBella]

Once a relationship breaks up it's right to cut contact but if the dumper decides for whatever reason to continue to bombard the dumpee with attention and at the same time starts seeing someone else then the dumpee has to take control of the situation and decide if s/he wishes to put up with being thrown the scraps. It's different if the dumper does the right thing and cuts contact from the outset. Then there's no room for misinterpretation. Sending an ex you've dumped messages peppered with x's and terms of endearment is just manipulation to my mind. My ex knew exactly what he was doing and did it anyway. As a result he has lost me completely now. It's his own fault.