work, flirting, sexy dreams, controlling ex's

[Grecoroman]

Last 5 months i have been flirting very heavily with work colleague. we have gone out as a group of friends and kissed that night when no one was looking (her sister also massively came on to me! ssshhh! no one knows!), we have also kissed in work, had dreams of sleeping with each other flirt like mad. she gives me so much eye contact and im always the first to look away, as she keeps that eye contact on me for a long while (with a smile too).

BUT

last two weeks it has almost stopped completely and its doing my head in! espec as im falling for this women- big mistake!

we last kissed two weeks ago at work.

we dont meet up outside of work or text as she has kids and a very controlling ex husband who is around her house (that she owns) every evening! Why he is around i do not know! i have been told down the grape vine that its because he wants to keep an eye on them. yet i also know she does have feelings for him still (she told me), as ''he was her everything''. but apparently she wouldnt get back with him. he is a women hitter and controlling. fact. she knows she should get rid of him. fact. she has had help from friends in the past but in the end, she used up all her resources, friends turned their backs on her after a while. (she said she wont let me help as she doesnt want that to happen to us). ive been told other things like, she gets bored eaisly and im worried that has just happened.

if we were in a different city away from him (the ex), she would go on a date with me (her words, said to me yesterday). but what stops her is that she has kids and then the ex-husband who she is scared of.

so flirting has stopped (except a little yest- nothing today!), she has a crap background and no family except the ex's family, who she gets on with and so do kids.

what can i do, except the obvious and that is to drop it and move on (which i know is what will eventually happen). I like her, want to make it more, or at very least get flirting back on track.

(oh a week ago, when i was noticing flirting had stopped i straight up asked her, do you have a thing for me? (we had never spoken about it before) ''i like you alot yes'' ''but i probably wouldnt do anything because of the kids and the ex'' came the reply)

so can some ladies please help to explain my situation, where do you think i stand in this womans life? and why/where is this girl whom i like is coming from? does having kids make getting involved with new people so much more difficult? it doesnt bother me. but i havnt been in this situation before!

[Mathias]

Why would you want to get involved in that mess?

If she wants to continue whatever it is you have going, great. Don't get involved, though.

[Grecoroman]

Why would you want to get involved in that mess?

If she wants to continue whatever it is you have going, great. Don't get involved, though.

haha. truer words have never been said. totally agree with you. alas infatuation started before the knowledge of said problems. but you are right.

[IncognitoSir]

She's still allowing him to control her.......she likes it. For whatever reason, she can't let go of the man who used to beat her. You getting involved would be a mistake especially since you have a job in the mix. I bet she is A LOT of fun, very attractive, sexy, easy to talk to, and show major signs of falling for you right? Then, she just changes, like over night right. These are the signs of a person who knows NOT what she wants. Look at the entire picture not just the nice parts, put it all together. She's in the shit, knows she's in the shit, and chooses publicly to you not to leave the shit for good. (her EX husband) Don't text her, call her, look at her. Back off and get on with your job and life.

[bulrush]

It can be very hard for a woman to leave the man that is beating her. It's very common. This woman cannot decide things for herself, stay away from her, she is just trouble.

[ianoulla]

I agree with Matthias, enjoy the flirting/semi social situations through work, sometimes this is as good as it gets. Sometimes real lives are just so complex, draining, depressing we need this. I have a friend who is in your 'flirty friend's' situation. Her ex is controlling, she left him because of jealousy, he also hit her. She is beautiful, 2 boys, lovely girl, but her life will take a long time to sort out. You my friend, are a lovely time in her day when she can feel desirable, powerful, in control for a few hrs, when the reality of her life is dominated by somebody else. I fell for somebody who spent 3 yrs doing this, my emotional life wasn't great, the flirting was great, we took it further after a long time, I wish I could go back to those days, when we were really fun friends. The feelings are still there, but we are both unable to go anywhere with it. Possibly if this girl could wipe out all the complexities you mention, you might stand a chance. I think sometimes that an impossible situation heightens the excitement. I know also that my friend I mentioned above, had a 5 yr txting flirty friendship, not even coffee together, it blows hot and cold, no touching, no kissing, no nothing, but the thrill of the written word and occasional sitings of each other keep it alive! I know, you may not believe me, but it's true. Good luck, keep it clean and flirty....

[Grecoroman]

Yep. you have all said something that hit the nail on the head. Incognitosir: your right on all her qualities...and then changed over night? yep! took 5 months for her to change, but she did. And id certainly agree that she doesnt want to 'let go' of the shit completely. she is not strong enough for starters...she even said that herself (that she is insecure and is not strong-her words).

Bulrush: again, note taken, and your prob right on her not being able to decide things for herself.

ianoulla: i really like your comment as it seemed more indepth, psychologically and sociologically. Id love to be the knight in shining armor;make it 'work' like out the movies. but it wont happen, i know that!

Ahwell...i guess it is all irrelevant really, i, for reasons totally unrelated to this post and career only am leaving my job and work place in two weeks any way.

its a tough pill to swallow, but ill go get the water to help it down!

[ianoulla]

Hey Grecoroman, this is a blessing you moving away from the situation will help you. Be wary in the future, because I will tell you why, you got used to this exciting game, it becomes addictive and you won't realise it, but you will be looking to replace it. This has happened to me, now I am involved in something even more complex because of the rebound of the 3 yr thing and I am trying to work out how to walk away. At the moment I haven't succeeded. It's a beautiful idea as you said, there is a knight out there trying to persuade me he can 'make it all good, love me, make me forget the rat and take care of me', but the reality is it's impossible, due to a big age gap. He is beautiful, clever, deep, totally in my head but sooo young. Don't let this happen to you. Good luck...