Can't seem to let her go...

[sting3r]

I started a thread in the other section but I feel this may be a better place to ask for help. Or maybe I'm growing really impatient because I'm feeling worse every day.

I went out with this girl for over 2 years. We loved each other alot but it didn't last. Its been almost a year since we broke up. Not a month later I found out she had a crush on some guy (which never developed into anything really). Nevertheless, to see her get along like that so soon made me feel like sh*t, as if our relationship meant nothing to her. We had a few fights but never completely cutt off each other from our lives. I was there for her whenever she needed someone to talk to and so was she. We talked like 'friends' on and off. I really care about her. I think I still have feelings for her. But we both know theres no way we can get back together. And thats fine by me.

Few months ago I sent her a text saying Hi. She didn't reply. I checked my email a week later (don't check it that often) and she had replied there, telling me how she was wondering to get in touch with me and all that, how shes busy with her studies and so on. Stuff like that. I was on a friends computer so I didn't reply right away. ~2 months passed, I got caught in some serious family problems, along with my own studies and work. I never got a chance to reply back to her. Couple of days ago I thought I'd call her and explain her the situation and apologize. She hung up the phone when she realized it was me. Told me she didn't ever wanted to talk to me again. I emailed her and told her everything. No reply.

All of a sudden I feel like shit now. I've lost interest in everything I do. I don't feel like eating... I feel staying in bed the whole day. I pretend everythings fine around friends and family...but it isn't.

I don't even wana get back with her. But I can't seem to completely let go of her either. It was nice just being part of her life and catch up from time to time. I'm sure she felt the same way at the time. Right now I feel the only thing that would make me happy is us talking to each other. Either that or I just wana get her out of my head so I can move on. Clearly she wants me out of her life and I can't force anything upon her now. If thats what she wants, then I have to respect that. But I don't want her to hate me either, esp over something like this. Its been far too long and I didn't expect things to affect me in this manner. We wouldn't talk to each other for months and I'd be fine. Because I knew if either of us made contact, we'd talk for a while and catch up. Thats all I really wanted. I feel its my fault I pushed her away and even lost that connection with her.

I don't know if shes being revengeful, or she doesn't care about me or if she can't talk to me because she has started seeing someone else. I'd feel A LOT better if I KNEW what was going on. But she refuses to talk to me.

[oldskool83]

as much as it hurts you have to accept you cant if somone doesnot want anything to do with you, you cant make them. it blows but the sooner you can accept that and basicly be like ok whatever you will feel better and also be a stronger person in the end.

[sting3r]

I did get a reply and turns out shes seeing someone else now and is very happy in her life. Good for her. Can't say I didn't expect this. I needed closure and guess I got it. It helps a lil... but must say I feel like I'm back to square one.

[Cinnabella]

I know your feelings, but at least you know what happenned and you got your closure. Try to move on, it's hard but by time you will get better even thought you might not feel it right now.

[sting3r]

I know your feelings, but at least you know what happenned and you got your closure. Try to move on, it's hard but by time you will get better even thought you might not feel it right now.

I had no intentions of getting back with her. But she didn't have to be such a b*** about the whole thing. I haven't done anything to her. She'd call me in the middle of the night crying and looking for someone to comfort her. I'm in a different country now. She started bawling the night I had my flight telling me how much she'd miss me. We didn't talk for months and I was feeling a 100 times better than I do right now. Suddenly she 'found someone else' and I don't even exist to her.

[Cinnabella]

Yea, I felt the same as you before, when I found out that my ex had another gf I was so Hurt, but that only proove that she didn't love you that much, same as mine, or maybe they are stronger and would move on faster. You can't just hope the hurt goes away that fast, it must take Time, but I bet you that you are not back to square 1, you will feel hurt for a few days then you will feel a whole lot better, it doesn't matter anymore, maybe you guys were simply not compatible. There will still be down time but it will be less and less, I'm here 2 months after he has another girl and I feel much happier, I had the whole month of being happy for being single till I feel down a bit again since last night. But it goes away fast.

[sting3r]

Yes, its been almost a week now and I do feel a bit better every day. I'm reading this book called 'Feeling Good - The New Mood therapy' by David D. Burns and it helped put things in perspective, in general (its not really about relationships, so far anyway). I highly recommend that you read it whenever you feel down.

As for her...well, shes definitely not worth my time. Our r/ship was the longest she had ever been in. But forgetting someone you shared so much with is not that easy, for me. It certainly won't be the first time she got a bf just for the heck of it.

[IndiReloaded]

Couple of days ago I thought I'd call her and explain her the situation and apologize. She hung up the phone when she realized it was me. Told me she didn't ever wanted to talk to me again. I emailed her and told her everything. No reply.

She probably deleted the email. Don't you just HATE when people won't allow you to force your apology on them? Sucks, huh?

All of a sudden I feel like shit now. I've lost interest in everything I do. I don't feel like eating... I feel staying in bed the whole day. I pretend everythings fine around friends and family...but it isn't.

I don't even wana get back with her. But I can't seem to completely let go of her either. It was nice just being part of her life and catch up from time to time. I'm sure she felt the same way at the time. Right now I feel the only thing that would make me happy is us talking to each other. Either that or I just wana get her out of my head so I can move on. Clearly she wants me out of her life and I can't force anything upon her now. If thats what she wants, then I have to respect that. But I don't want her to hate me either, esp over something like this. Its been far too long and I didn't expect things to affect me in this manner. We wouldn't talk to each other for months and I'd be fine. Because I knew if either of us made contact, we'd talk for a while and catch up. Thats all I really wanted. I feel its my fault I pushed her away and even lost that connection with her.

Your post is just full of... you, you, YOU! Did you perhaps have this problem in the relationship, I wonder?

Anyway, not sure if you know this, but sincere apologies aren't for the emotional benefit of the person giving the apology, but the recipient. Sometimes, if you've really screwed up you just have to suck up the lesson and any associated guilt and move on with your life. She doesn't owe you a thing, certainly not to listen to you absolve your own guilt. Sounds like she doesn't want a thing from you either. Too bad, learn to deal with it and leave her alone.

[sting3r]

She probably deleted the email. Don't you just HATE when people won't allow you to force your apology on them? Sucks, huh?

lol... point taken :p

Your post is just full of... you, you, YOU! Did you perhaps have this problem in the relationship, I wonder?

Quite the opposite actually.

Anyway, not sure if you know this, but sincere apologies aren't for the emotional benefit of the person giving the apology, but the recipient. Sometimes, if you've really screwed up you just have to suck up the lesson and any associated guilt and move on with your life. She doesn't owe you a thing, certainly not to listen to you absolve your own guilt. Sounds like she doesn't want a thing from you either. Too bad, learn to deal with it and leave her alone.

I see your point and I agree with you. I am learning to deal with it and I have left her alone.

[IndiReloaded]

Quite the opposite actually.

Well, if she was the selfish one then you'll have to add to her list of selfish acts: not helping you achieve closure. All you can do is hope she grows up someday and move on as you have. No point pining for someone who is only going to damage you further. Good luck.

[sting3r]

Well, if she was the selfish one then you'll have to add to her list of selfish acts: not helping you achieve closure. All you can do is hope she grows up someday and move on as you have.

Apparently telling me shes with someone else is suppose to give me closure. Is it?

No point pining for someone who is only going to damage you further. Good luck.

Pretty much this. Yes. It hurts a lil since I put a lot of effort in the r/ship (atleast more than she did)...but whatever. Whats done is done now.
Thank you!

[IndiReloaded]

Apparently telling me shes with someone else is suppose to give me closure. Is it?

It tells you she's a bitch if she can't have a decent conversation w/you about it. Your feelings don't matter anymore, if they ever did. Of course, its entirely possible you deserve to be dropped like a hot potatoe depending on how you were in the relationship. I don't know.

Closure is in your head. Some people dont get closure even after a conversation w/their ex b/c they just won't let go. Its a circular argument really: a person who is sensitive probably would give you closure which means you probably also wouldn't break up... see the paradox?

Just move on. Like flushing a painful turd. All gone, not your concern any longer. You don't obsess over your daily dump, do you? Same thing.

[Horseyguy]

Just move on. Like flushing a painful turd. All gone, not your concern any longer. You don't obsess over your daily dump, do you? Same thing.

I love that statement lol ... fantastic

[Wakeup]

I love that statement lol ... fantastic

Hahah.. me too. Well said, Indi

[blmg911]

sting3r you still seem very hung on this girl, you seem to also have a lot of angry about it all still; Although these guys maybe using harsh words they are right. Live your life man sit and close your eyes and imagine all the feelings of hurt and angry you feel about your EX are attached to you now let them free feel asif they are floating of you and out the window Imagine a huge easer is wiping all the memories and feels from your brain then open your eyes and live your life to the full.