Should I leave him?

[Faerie]

My boyfriend I have been together 6 and a half years. Things have always been up and down between us. But the last year had been wonderful, we were gettting on better than ever, he proposed to me last October and and I planned to move in with him once I finish my course this September.

Over the last few months we started planning the wedding and I had never been so happy or excited. We sorted the venue (a family friends land so was free) and decided on a date and I booked the church (cost me 75 quid). I was so happy that I could barely contain myself. I wanted to tell the world about how lucky I was. I posted on facebook 'let the countdown begin' and some people guessed what the countdown was to. My boyfriend completly flippes out saying the it was unreasonable for me to post about the wedding on facebook and said that �t unerved him about happy the idea of marrigae made me''. He then said that he doesn't want to marry me anymore.

It isn't as simple as it being over though as he still says he wants to be with me and wants me to move in with him in September. I was completly devasted by him calling off the wedding and almost ended it right there. Also he lives on a canal boat which I dont really want to live on but I was willing to comprimise for him.

I'm so sure about what I want for my future (a house, getting married and children) but he is happy on the boat (but said he would like a house one day), doesn't want to marry me now, but does want children. Maybe how I feel is silly and old fashioned but even though I want children I don't want them to be born to unmarried parents and I definatly dont want them living on a boat. Are our thoughts for the future too different?

Also since he called off the wedding (about 2 weeks ago) I haven't been feeling the same about him, even though i still love him something has gone. He isn't be best friend anymore, I've hardly seen him and we have hardly had sex (which is a big deal with him). Does this mean it is already over? or can we go back to what we had before?

Please help, I really dont know what to do. Sorry this is quite long.

[TheDanish]

While I do tend to read too much into things, I would be more concerned as to why he would flip out like that, over what I (and I'm a guy) would consider normal. If you ask a girl to marry you, and she accepts, you know shes gonna be happy and she is gonna tell the whole damn world. Infact if I was that guy, I would tell the whole damn world myself! From that logic, I would say that there were obviously someone or some people out there he didn't want to know about it. I would find out who and why.

I could be wrong tho, but anything else just seems illogical, based on your writing.

As for leaving him, I don't think you should. Figure out what happend, and then make a decision, or you'll be second guessing yourself for a looong time.

[bulrush]

He sounds like he is not ready for marriage, but might have been pressured into it. (I.e. he gets married or loses you.) I think that's why he flipped out.

[devonbrown]

It sounds like there is a lot more going on in the relationship than just this (the marriage fail). You said for 6 years it has been up and down with him. Have you considered going to couple's counseling? It may help the two of you work out the issues that are underlying a lot of your arguments and help set you on a better course.

I don't even want to touch on the whole moving in together as an option once the marriage plans were shot down. He didn't like the fact that you mentioned something hugely important on facebook... that just strikes me as odd... like maybe there are people on there who he doesn't want knowing about his personal life for other reasons. Just seems a bit shady.

To me, if someone proposes, that is the do-or-die point in the relationship. If the person says yes, then they move forward together. If the person says no, they break up. Can't really go forward after that in my mind. In your case, he proposed, you said yes, and now he is saying no. That seems weird to me and seems like there is no real coming back from. But again, that is just my opinion based on what you told us. I still have the suspicion that there is a LOT more going on that we don't know.

Good luck

[Faerie]

It sounds like there is a lot more going on in the relationship than just this

Lol! yeah there is a lot more to it than just this but i told you about all 6 years of our relationship it would take forever!

[Faerie]

While I do tend to read too much into things, I would be more concerned as to why he would flip out like that, over what I (and I'm a guy) would consider normal. If you ask a girl to marry you, and she accepts, you know shes gonna be happy and she is gonna tell the whole damn world. Infact if I was that guy, I would tell the whole damn world myself!

I asked him about the facebook thing and he said that he doesb't like stuff like that spread around and apparantly I shoud know that and because I don't know that he wonders if I know anything about him. *Sigh*

He also said that he has just become really unsure about marrying me and so it doesn't seem like the right thing to do. But he still wants me to move in. Where is the logic? I don't see it!

[Superfantastich]

Get married and worst case scenario you can divorce, have kids and you two are connected forever, he is an utter idiot