Embarrassing moments/problems in bedroom

[luvme4me]

I've recently had a miscarriage and started having problems with orgasms. Then, in the last week or so, my husband started having problems holding an erection. I am 28 and he is 34. He says he's had problems every once in a while in the past, but never to the extent it is now and we are both frustrated! He says its not me and I say its not him. So, what could be causing this?

Thanks in advance...

[pisces25]

Did he say why these problems occurred in the past? You haven't provide much info so it is a bit hard to advise. Many things can affect a man's erection so it would be best to explore all these options and possibly even see a Dr for a full medical. If it isn't physiological it is probably pyschological.

[luvme4me]

He just said it happened every once in a while but never so many times in a row. I don't know if it has to do with me not being able to have an orgasm and he is worried he doesn't please me is the reason I can't reach the top or what.

As far as a physical...do you know how stubborn men can be when you suggest a physical? They put it off then worry why things like this happen. I've ask a few questions and researched online to see if I can maybe find a solution but I've hit a wall with everything I read. It's embarrassing for both and feel like its going to cause a bad sex life for us both.

[pisces25]

I understand. I had to just break up with the man I love over a similar issue. Except he blamed it on me which is even worse.

All I can say is COMMUNICATE as much as possible.And gently persuade him to see a Dr. Reassure him all men go through this issue at some point in their life and for the sake of your relationship it is best to work through it together. It is difficult but the only option is for it to continue as it is and I suppose you can already see that isn't a favourable option.

Sexual issues can be a relationship killer therefore you must be able to be honest and communicate about it. Good luck.

[Wakeup]

I've recently had a miscarriage and started having problems with orgasms. Then, in the last week or so, my husband started having problems holding an erection. I am 28 and he is 34. He says he's had problems every once in a while in the past, but never to the extent it is now and we are both frustrated! He says its not me and I say its not him. So, what could be causing this?

Thanks in advance...

I think the problem is in his head. If he can't clean his mind and have a clear slate then whats swirling around in there may be affecting his ability to get and/or keep an erection.

Did he want the baby that you were expecting? Was he sad and in grief over the miscarrage? Have the two of you discussed how each of you feel about this loss? I'm thinking the timing between the loss of the baby and both of you suddenly having sexuality problems is not a coincidence.

[luvme4me]

Im am looking to fix the problem in which a break up would be so much simpler than a divorce over something like this. I ask him every once in a while about seeing a Dr just for a yearly physical/check and such but it goes in one ear and out the other seems like.

[luvme4me]

The baby was not planned as I was on birth control which faulted due to a round of birth control at the time. We got married March 3th and found out I was pregnant March 20th. When we first met, the answer was clear, "no, I don't want any more kids, I have my son." As time passed, it was ehhh, maybe. By the time we were married, it was "if it happens, it happens."

As the pregnancy progressed and he saw the ultrasound, we became excited and had gotten used to the idea of having another, but I started noticing unusual changes that weren't normal (this was my 3rd miscarriage) and questioned him one night in hopes to prepare him for the worse..."How would you feel if something bad were to happen?" His reply to that was he didn't want to think about it. Our fears were confirmed 4 days later at my 12 week check up that it was no longer viable.

He cried and was emotional the day of the news and the day after, but I'm thinking he knew he had to be strong for me, so he dealt with it in his own way, he says. I don't know if this has to do with the miscarriage, but it has become more noticeable since then. I'm just hoping to get some advice on things to try or do to make it better. There is nothing I wouldn't do for the man I love so deeply. I guess this is why it hurts so bad.

Also, when I do get close to orgasm, I think I try to hold back in fears that its going to hurt, because previously I cringed in pain from orgasm. I don't know what else to try...

[bulrush]

Per my doctor, erection problems are most often caused by smoking, or anything which clogs arteries (like constantly eating fatty foods). I think the bad fats that clog arteries are called "trans fats".

Other than that, my doc said they don't know why it happens in healthy people who do not smoke and who eat right.

Your problems may be caused by stress or feelings of guilt due to the miscarriage. Sorry to hear that BTW.

[luvme4me]

Thanks for your thoughts on the loss. He is a smoker and I've tried to get him to eat right, but its a loss cause...along with getting him to go to the Dr. If he won't eat right and he won't go to the Dr...ugh! That kind of backs me into a corner for the wrong reasons, don't you think? It's not just him with the problem though. What could be causing my lack of excitement and loss of interest when I am sooo ready to go to start with, then in the middle of it, I just want it to be over with? I can't get an o either