Am I being Used?

[BrightEyes2410]

Okay so, I started sleeping with a guy in my flat in uni halls last year (yesss i know i shouldn't have...). And it was always clear it was just sex and didn't expect anything else. He always acted like a bit of an ass, getting jealous if I was with other guys, but thinking it was okay for him to try it on with my friends. And he always thought he had the upper hand/ could do what he wanted..Tbh i dont really know why i put up with it..
I figured when we finished uni for summer, I wouldn't hear from him, but he seemed to find a reason to contact me most days.
But I had slept with one of his friends...(and regret it) and he found out a few weeks ago. I didn't think he'd care as he had made it clear (or so i thought...) it was just sex. But now he's saying he DOES care but that now I've done that, the chance of us becoming more is gone..for the moment, but that in the future he may be able to forget what I did.
However he's still happy to 'just sleep with me'...so he can't be that angry right? Or he wouldn't even sleep with me... I have met up with him a couple times since and had planned to stay at his in a few weeks...but I'm starting to think this is a bad idea as its pretty clear i'm being used?
So is he just using me for sex and pretending to be angry to make me feel guilty...or does he actually like me and is genuinely angry/not sure how he feels?
When i try to talk to him about anything he just gets angry and says he doesn't want to talk about it...so yeh, I'm guessing he's not worth it, but kind of wishing he is....

[smackie9]

You should never feel regret because you are in Uni and this is the best time in your life to experience your freedom. This guy is a manipulative ass, and yes you shouldn't bother with him anymore. You are single and free to do anything and do whomever you want. Don't let this guy get it in your head that you missed out or that YOU made mistakes....he's a twit for trying to punish you.

Tip: guys will do and say anything to get sex, so ya if you are willing to give it, he is willing to take it.

[BrightEyes2410]

Thanks for reply!
Yeh i mean, I guess I've known since he found out that he's using this to get what he wants and i'm stupid enough to do it. And by saying that there's a chance he can forgive me means he's keeping me happy and still getting what he wants with no commitment.
Ahh I know it's gonna be hard, but I really do need to just blockk him out of my life :/

[Wakeup]

But I had slept with one of his friends...(and regret it) and he found out a few weeks ago. I didn't think he'd care as he had made it clear (or so i thought...) it was just sex. But now he's saying he DOES care but that now I've done that, the chance of us becoming more is gone..for the moment, but that in the future he may be able to forget what I did.

"gone for the moment but in the futue he "may" be able to forget what you did" *lauging here*

You can screw who you want if you're not in a committed, monogamous relationship. However; Don't expect to garner a relationship just because you sleep with someone. In fact there are a lot of men who think like this manipulative turd you were bedding till he deemed you were no longer worthy.... so choose what you do and who you do wisely. Because like you having the right to screw who you want when you want ... he also has the right to stop screwing you if he doesn't like what you've done (double standard and all ya know).

[BrightEyes2410]

"gone for the moment but in the futue he "may" be able to forget what you did" *lauging here*

You can screw who you want if you're not in a committed, monogamous relationship. However; Don't expect to garner a relationship just because you sleep with someone. In fact there are a lot of men who think like this manipulative turd you were bedding till he deemed you were no longer worthy.... so choose what you do and who you do wisely. Because like you having the right to screw who you want when you want ... he also has the right to stop screwing you if he doesn't like what you've done (double standard and all ya know).

I never expected a relationship, i was happy how it was. It was him who mentioned a relationship and confused it. But he only did this after finding out, so it was probably just to keep me sleeping with him and make me think there was more to it...
And I know he has the right to stop sleeping with me, but thats not the issues because he doesn't want to stop and has happily done it since finding out. It'd be less confusing if he did stop sleeping with me as he's apparently 'so angry' about it...

[blmg911]

Its hard to say really cos sex does make everything complicated :/ I also have just finished uni for the summer and my room mate a guy is in the same situation you are; he was seeing a girl but made it clear with was just sex and they could sleep with other people but not tell it other and out of spite on night out she slept with the boy he hated most and he was gutted and angry the same your guy seems to be :/ he really hated her for a awhile but he got over it and even though they are still seeing each other i can see they are alot closer now than before and it could possibly lead on to something more.

like you sed

When i try to talk to him about anything he just gets angry and says he doesn't want to talk about it

So he's probs is a little bit pissed off; However you made it clear it was just sex both of you so if you or he is angry you only have yourself to blame; you should tell him that and if he can't get over it then move on.

[BrightEyes2410]

Its hard to say really cos sex does make everything complicated :/ I also have just finished uni for the summer and my room mate a guy is in the same situation you are; he was seeing a girl but made it clear with was just sex and they could sleep with other people but not tell it other and out of spite on night out she slept with the boy he hated most and he was gutted and angry the same your guy seems to be :/ he really hated her for a awhile but he got over it and even though they are still seeing each other i can see they are alot closer now than before and it could possibly lead on to something more.

Yeh weirdly a few days after he found out we did get on better..but then I wanted to talk about it and explain myself, and that's when it started to all get complicated and messy.
LIke atm he isn't talking to me because I tried to talk about it and he refused so I got angry... Basically I just think it's gonna be best if I don't talk to him and if he cares it's up to him to realise this and start actually talking about something other than sex...

[BrightEyes2410]

Yea... that really sounds like all you wanted is a sexual relationship with him. *rolls eyes*

I said I never expected a relationship, which I didnt and I was fine for a year with the way it was. And would have carried on until either of us didn't want to if he had never mentioned a relationship.
And I am still fine with just sex, because this is all it ever was anyway, the issue I have is the way he's treating me and using what happened to get what he wants, or whether he does actually care/is angry.

But yeh, I think I've finally realised stopping all contact is the best idea...

[Wakeup]

Yeh weirdly a few days after he found out we did get on better..but then I wanted to talk about it and explain myself, and that's when it started to all get complicated and messy.
LIke atm he isn't talking to me because I tried to talk about it and he refused so I got angry... Basically I just think it's gonna be best if I don't talk to him and if he cares it's up to him to realise this and start actually talking about something other than sex...

Yea... that really sounds like you were happy with the way things were. O_o

I'd stop all contact with him if I were you. Neither of you know what you want with one another and perhaps the distance will help you both to move on to someone who actually gives a shit about the other.. JMO.

[Wakeup]

I said I never expected a relationship, which I didnt and I was fine for a year with the way it was. And would have carried on until either of us didn't want to if he had never mentioned a relationship.
And I am still fine with just sex, because this is all it ever was anyway, the issue I have is the way he's treating me and using what happened to get what he wants, or whether he does actually care/is angry.

He always got what he wants. No? I'd say that perhaps he just wants you as his **** buddy but now that you'd screw his friend too, he'd never upgrade you to girlfriend. That's the way it looks from where I sit.

Look.. he's not worth you worrying about. Don't contact him again and if he does.. YOU be straight up and ask him what his game is.

[BrightEyes2410]

He always got what he wants. No? I'd say that perhaps he just wants you as his **** buddy but now that you'd screw his friend too, he'd never upgrade you to girlfriend. That's the way it looks from where I sit.

Look.. he's not worth you worrying about. Don't contact him again and if he does.. YOU be straight up and ask him what his game is.

This is pretty much what I thought, and then I think he through in the 'maybe in the future...' line to keep me doing what he wanted, which worked because I'm an idiot.
And yeh thanks for the advice, no longer contacting him from now

[blmg911]

which worked because I'm an idiot.
And yeh thanks for the advice, no longer contacting him from now

First your not an idoit. If you've learnt from this then its done some good. Its disagree with never contacting him again but what i would say is contact him in a few weeks this gives him time to miss you and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe that the above post and even you have it wrong or atleast slighty wrong.

Yes he may wanted you as a **** buddy; at first but didn't you? Without the office brand of gf and bf a sexual relationship is always a ****ed buddy; and this is fine as 80% of the time this is how relationships start off especially at uni. I'm i right in saying most of the realationships you've had in life and we are all the same started because you just wanted sex with another person; because you felt a sexual attraction. I believe i am, this is because this comes way before you fall for someone; its very hard to fall for someone who you've not been sexually active with; thats because it cause us to start the falling in love process.

I believed you meant more to him that what you think; if you didn't than why would you get mad? If he didn't have feelings for you then it would be a fuss to him. I suggest you have time to both think and slowly reconnect on a new level, see where it goes from them.

Good Luck

[smackie9]

Personally he a typical guy who expects to be the only one and only, but you going off to enjoy sex with someone else hurt his ego and not his heart. He's acting like a spoiled brat. So it isn't about hurt feelings more of a bruised ego.

[BrightEyes2410]

First your not an idoit. If you've learnt from this then its done some good. Its disagree with never contacting him again but what i would say is contact him in a few weeks this gives him time to miss you and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe that the above post and even you have it wrong or atleast slighty wrong.

Well, I didn't contact him for a day...and then he contacted me because I was meant to be staying with him in a week or so, but we'd had an argument and I wasn't sure I was gonna go anymore..So basically he contacted me to say to still go, that he still wanted me to go.
I know that really it's a bad idea to go, because again, he has acted like an ass and getting what he wants. But at the same time, one more time won't hurt right? And if I don't talk to him much before then maybe he'll realise he can't treat me so badly and I'll still act the same? Or am I really just being an idiot by giving in and going...

[smackie9]

I suggest you read through this thread and weigh out the pros and cons of what has happened to date. With feelings aside, look at what has been going on, then decide what would be the most logical thing to do.