How much joking around is too much? How about sarcasm?

[Xeros]

I tend to use ironic obscure conversation with a massive amount of sarcasm to start a conversation. Nothing arrogant or mean spirited, just playful witty banter with subtle hints that I'm attracted to her. I have pretty good success considering I don't fit the usual definition of attractive, but I'm just wondering if I'm sometimes hurting my chances by saying too much too fast.

Obviously you don't want to turn everything she says into a joke, but humor is a big part of the initial connection. Can sarcasm only go so far before it's starts to look desperate? Should I replace some of the jokes with casual questions or compliments?

Here's an example. I said the following to a girl who I had noticed was looking at me for awhile when I was at a bookstore. Too much?

*Introduce myself*

Me: "So redheads are only 2% of the world population. The fact that me and you are both in this store and part of that group is actually pretty rare. Plus neither of us are sunburned even though it's July, that right there is something that only comes along every couple years."

Her: *Stunned look followed by a quiet laugh*

She did laugh and I got a quick lunch date with her, but I got the feeling that she was a bit off put by the comment. I use humor when I'm nervous, so I'm just worried that it's coming off a bit weird sometimes if I'm really nervous and rambling. It obviously depends on the girl, but there has to be a common tolerance limit. Maybe she was just shy??

Any insight would be helpful, thanks.


Oh and I don't ever go to bars. Just libraries, book stores, charities, parks, etc. Not sure if that's important, but it might help knowing the type of girls I might talk to.

[smackie9]

Ya my old man's sarcasm can grate on my nerves....I find it rude to be honest, and there are times I've had to shut him down. he does it to his employees...needless to say he is not very popular. If you want to make an impression you need to use more positive upbeat conversation. A little light friendly teasing can go a long way, like making fun of yourself.....leave the sarcasm for you buddies.

[Xeros]

What do you find rude about it? Did you find what I wrote above and said to a girl rude? If so, in what way?

I don't think I could pull off straying too far from my natural way of talking, and I do agree that self effacement is an awesome to ease the tension, but I'm just wondering at what point in the conversation is playful sarcasm too much?

I've had too much success with it to just give it up, but then again I haven't found the perfect girl yet so maybe I'm doing something wrong.


Thanks for the insight.

[MaidenMinx]

Firstly, I didn't notice any sarcasm in what was said above and personally I thought it was quite witty. Keep taking that approach.

[Xeros]

Firstly, I didn't notice any sarcasm in what was said above and personally I thought it was quite witty. Keep taking that approach.

The only every couple of years was a bit sarcastic, but thanks for compliment. Do you like being approached like that, or can it seem desperate and cheesy? I don't ever use stupid generic lines and always base what I say on what I've observed about the girl, but I'm just wondering it it comes off as trying to hard.

What could I do improve what I say when I first meet a girl? Do you prefer something out of the ordinary like what I said, or something more normal to ease any nerves? As nervous as I usually am the last thing I need is for her to get very nervous the second she sees me approaching her. That could cause problems lol.

Thanks

[MaidenMinx]

Cheesy is fine when it is original. At times when I have been a redhead, an opener like that would have at least caught my interest. Chances are I would have also found it memorable and that is the key when meeting new people.

Nervousness is natural. Considering you are choosing to meet girls in wonderful places like book shops (bravo by the way!) there is no real way to get over the mild awkwardness of starting a conversation. Generally people don't assume they will meet somewhere in such a place even though relationship gurus recommend trying places like that rather than night clubs.

I personally think you have a great approach and you should just keep doing what you are doing. You really only need it to work once if you find the right person.

[maxmax]

Not a fan of sarcastic humour. It often isn't clever, or humoress, and sometimes just comes across as cynical.

Don't know many women who particularly appreciate it either.

Being witty, clever, and amusing, without sarcasm, on the other hand, can leave a good impression.

[smackie9]

Ok let me rephrase that.....I would think you were a dork or just plain weird.....I don't know you but that would be my first impression of you (not trying to insult you here, just being honest). I have to agree with maxmax. This type of approach isn't really popular with the ladies. You have narrowed your audience to maybe a few who would appreciate it if you ever run into them. You wouldn't be on here if what you were doing was successful, you are on here to find out what you could you be doing wrong and what you can do to improve your chances. The push and pull method is a tried and true way of pick up. It's very easy to do, and very doable even for the nervous or shy.

[redmagnum]

It ALL depends on the girl..........

I've said things to women and they found it totally all in fun, and they loved it.....I have openly complimented one of my female co workers on her body and used lots of crass humor to do it, and she loves it......if I did that to another female coworker I'd probably be out of a job..you HAVE to know what you can say before you say it, or at the very least you'll be labeled an idiot ........If I said the same things to other women I would probably be charged with sexual harassment.

[smackie9]

It ALL depends on the girl..........

I've said things to women and they found it totally all in fun, and they loved it.....I have openly complimented one of my female co workers on her body and used lots of crass humor to do it, and she loves it......if I did that to another female coworker I'd probably be out of a job..you HAVE to know what you can say before you say it, or at the very least you'll be labeled an idiot ........If I said the same things to other women I would probably be charged with sexual harassment.

This type of thing I know because we all talk like that to each other at work....but that's coworker bonding, not chatting up some stranger for a date.

[redmagnum]

It is coworker bonding, but unfortunately some women are not "cool" with joking of any kind in any flirty or sexual nature.

But, let's face it........some (most?) women are attention sluts I think when I play flirt with a girl at work who likes it, and get all playfully sarcastic and make sexual remarks, saying things like "if you're boobs weren't so damn big I wouldn't always be talking about them!" Or "do you think if you gave me a handjob it would be considered cheating?" or my favorite was when I had one girl almost convinced that if she just watched me masturbate it wasn't cheating....... she LOVES getting the attention so that the other women can see it....let's face it, women WANT to be sexually desired by attractive men, it's part of their DNA..the more of the "other" women that see this flirting, the better.......it's sort of a a female version of the "Alpha Male".......men want to be the "dominant" one, and women want to be seen as the "pretty girl that all the guys like". I asked one girl if she thought I was "crossing the line" with my comments and she's like "If you were ugly do you think I would let you talk to me like that?!?"

[smackie9]

Well I don't fall into that category...I'm a tomboy so I shoot the perverted shit just like one of the guys. There are perverted jokes, and puns made, but not usually directed at someone in particular like you do. We chat about porn, tease about getting busted for masturbating, favorite sexual positions, sexual experiences, who is and isn't circumcised, etc.

What you are talking about is sexual innuendo, ......you are right that would never fly in the workplace at all. I do not welcome that kind of attention regardless if they are a close friend or coworker no matter how good looking. I only encountered one girl temp at work that encouraged that kind of talk....but she was truly a slut to the extreme tho lol, she was a real piece of work.

[MaidenMinx]

Sarcasm is fine in the right circumstances. I personally appreciate a dry sense of humour (actually I like most types of humour) and have no issue with sarcasm. I am actually a proud owner of a "sarcasm. Just one more service I offer" T-shirt.

As I said before, you only need it to work once. My hubby and I both think you're approach is wonderful and memorable. Please don't let the jaded here dull you down. You sound like a fun guy and your approach is a good way for you to find a fun girl. The way I look at it is this. Sure changing your approach might get you more dates with different girls, but what are you after? Lots of dates with lots of different chicks, or that one first date that you know is going to be your last first date?

[Mark1]

It is coworker bonding, but unfortunately some women are not "cool" with joking of any kind in any flirty or sexual nature.

But, let's face it........some (most?) women are attention sluts I think when I play flirt with a girl at work who likes it, and get all playfully sarcastic and make sexual remarks, saying things like "if you're boobs weren't so damn big I wouldn't always be talking about them!" Or "do you think if you gave me a handjob it would be considered cheating?" or my favorite was when I had one girl almost convinced that if she just watched me masturbate it wasn't cheating....... she LOVES getting the attention so that the other women can see it....let's face it, women WANT to be sexually desired by attractive men, it's part of their DNA..the more of the "other" women that see this flirting, the better.......it's sort of a a female version of the "Alpha Male".......men want to be the "dominant" one, and women want to be seen as the "pretty girl that all the guys like". I asked one girl if she thought I was "crossing the line" with my comments and she's like "If you were ugly do you think I would let you talk to me like that?!?"

LOL @ u thinking those remarks are endearing.

[Yet another guy]

Even though being quite desperate, I wouldn't spend more than one date on a girl who didn't appreciate friendly sarcasm.

I'm a tomboy so I shoot the perverted shit just like one of the guys. There are perverted jokes, and puns made, but not usually directed at someone in particular like you do. We chat about porn, tease about getting busted for masturbating, favorite sexual positions, sexual experiences, who is and isn't circumcised, etc.

Guys talk about that with each other? Weird, I've only talked about those things with girls.